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FUNNY STORIES FROM THE LIFE OF A RADIO AMATEUR
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Funny stories from the life of a radio amateur

Hundreds of interesting true instructive stories told from 2002 to 2024 by readers of the site www.diagram.com.ua. :)

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 A random story from the life of a radio amateur:

It was in Leningrad, in 1988 - or thereabouts. Then it was very popular for everyone to install PAL, and I had a lot of clients, and the process was well-established. The scarf was fastened sideways next to the Soviet color block, all with a connector ... but the connector stood in such a way that it pulled out towards the kinescope. As a truly lazy and skilled electronics engineer, I did most of the operations without turning off the TV - why waste time? And that time a doctor friend brought me his TV, and a tight connector caught in it - and when I finally pulled it out, I hit the kinescope board with my hand. Yep, focus. I received the biggest shock not from 6kV, but from the fact that these same kilovolts, having passed through me and through the connector ... killed the microcircuit in the color block - I had to redo everything. When I told my friend that I was almost killed, he replied: "Don't worry, I would have saved you. I'm a resuscitator..." :)

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Hleb, Zaporozhye

I have been interested in electronics since childhood. First, the magic of a detector receiver without batteries, then I helped my father repair our Slavutich. And then it started... But I was interested in assembling circuits and was generally indifferent to repairs. One day, a cousin brought in a Sharp calculator, which fell and stopped working. I opened it. I don't think I'll do anything anyway. But purely by chance, having unscrewed and then put its board back in place, the calculator came to life! But the reason turned out to be trivial: during the impact, the contact rubber between the board and the screen shifted. When I assembled it, I put it in place. I felt great satisfaction. Then I was 10-12 years old. The calculator still works, although 30 years have passed.

 


 

Zanin Yury Mikhailovich, St. Petersburg

During his student days in the early 90s, he was an amateur radio operator, lived in a hostel, and often repaired and upgraded his and his client's TVs. I had an "Electronics-Ts401M" with a rundown kinescope (32 cm). It is clear that buying a new one for a student is very burdensome. Having moved the convolutions of the student's brain, I decided to raise the anode voltage, because. raising the filament will give an effect for a short time. Worked with a soldering iron BR circuitry. Surprisingly, it really worked, the kinescope came to life, only the geometry was broken. How much - there is nothing to measure. After turning it on and evaluating the screen - of course, without a cover-case - I looked from above into the insides - what could be twisted. Suddenly I see a small blue lightning flash towards the tip of my nose. The burn was weak, but the spectacle was spectacular. The high-voltage suction cup turned out to be of poor quality. Then he replaced it with a modern one for those times, laid it with a fluoroplastic film, wherever possible. And the TV worked for another two years, only it became very electrified.

 


 

Papyrus Oleg Stanislavovich, Belovodsk

He worked as a radio mechanic in a local television studio, back in the USSR. Very often I heard a question from customers when issuing equipment to them: "What was damaged there?" They had to say something and explain. And once again to the question "What happened?" (I confess honestly, as a normal telemaster was a little under the influence of a glass) I give my grandfather a meaningless set of words: "There was no trim on the traverse of the seventh laperouse." Grandfather, pointedly said: "Aaa", paid off and left with a smart, understanding look. Behind the partition in the back room, the brigadier was dying of laughter and tears. Coming out to me, he said: “And if a man asked about the sixth laperouse, was there a trim there?”

 


 

Kutelev Alexander Konstantinovich, Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk

It was during the service on the basis of the KAF on the Amur. Our group of spotters was being prepared for landing at the training ground. Suddenly, a command arrives, I need to urgently arrive on the command boat Amurets. I climb aboard, on the mast there is a pennant of the division commander and I hear how he smashes the division chief of communications to smithereens. It turns out there was an unexpected failure of the VHF radio station. By this time, the midshipman from the coastal communications team could not determine the malfunction for about half an hour, he sat leafing through the diagram and checking the power circuit with a tester. “Imagine, all the cables are working, but there is no power. The umformer must have flown,” he says to me in a trembling voice and wiping sweat from his forehead. Most importantly, I also have jitters, I have not studied this type of equipment, but it is necessary to restore communication at any cost. Remembering my amateur radio experience, I begin to feverishly comprehend the possible reasons for the failure. I ask questions about what checks were performed and start checking everything again. I turn on the power of the silent radio and begin to turn the thick, almost arm-thick power cables. The fact is that 27 volt power was present at the cable connectors, perhaps the umformer really failed. The radio room is cramped and, crouching under the equipment rack, I bend the cable with all my might. Suddenly, at some point, the umformers howled and indicator lights lit up. Replaced the cable from the spare parts installation. This could have been done by an elderly midshipman, but there was little strength in his hands. I leave the cabin and report to the admiral about the restoration of communication. Already going on board the crew boat, I hear how he continues to scold the head of communications: "During the war you would have been shot, but express gratitude to the sailor." So I earned an extra ten days for vacation.

There used to be such a phrase - "Not every thief is a radio amateur, but every radio amateur is a thief." I don’t know for sure, but apparently in the fifties this phrase was born. There were always problems with radio components, it was almost impossible to buy far from Moscow, St. Petersburg and some Siberian cities. Around 1960, I really wanted to assemble an amplifier for a detector receiver on a transistor. And suddenly luck turned up. Road workers worked near the house and the tractor driver accidentally demolished a telephone booth, from which a telephone set flew out, and the tractor driver ran into him with a caterpillar, crushing the body. After school, I passed by and saw lumps, and among them, fortunately, a whole P3 transistor. after that, my detector receiver, supplemented by an amplifier, received several Japanese stations at night, and I confess, I stole the high-impedance Octave headphones with 2200 Ohm capsules in the dump of a military communications center, where no one was allowed, even boys. But we found a loophole in the fence.

 


 

Alexey, Tikhvin

He lived in the Vologda region and we had a neighbor, a self-taught radio amateur, he repaired TVs very well. Somehow my grandmother's TV broke down, they called Sasha. Came: "Lll put nnnn eeeescreen" (he stuttered a lot). Fixed it. To the question: "Sasha, why don't you go to the bytorka?" Answer: "I can not communicate."

More about him. There are no mobile phones in the early 80s and suddenly a call, I pick up the phone, Sanya calls. "Where are you from?" - "Above". It turned out that he climbed onto a pole and connected to a telephone line (telephone operators had such handsets with a disk) and called all my friends from the pole.

 


 

Krasnoselsky Peter, Alchevsk

The story was told by the duty officer at the radio station in Alchevsk back in 1986. At the exam at the local radio engineering school, the girl is shown diode D2: "What is this?" (she only saw D223). Answer: "Diode, only skinned !!!"

 


 

Kiyanitsa Vasily Vasilievich, Nosovka, Chernihiv region

It was at the end of July 1986. Complex republican competitions for schoolchildren of Ukraine in Dnepropetrovsk. There are more than a thousand athletes, representatives and judges. I am the chief judge. On one of the days of the Fox Hunting competition, information suddenly comes from the radio control that the signal of the Fox-4 transmitter has disappeared on the air. This is an emergency. And yet, due to the lack of local judges, one judge was provided for the foxes. The day before, during the formation of the referee team, local, incl. and my deputy chief persuaded me that everything would be fine and you shouldn’t even worry. The transmitters are automatic. And one person at the "point" will have nothing to do: turn on the transmitter and see how the athletes find it and put stamps on themselves about taking the "fox". And here you are... "you shouldn't worry"... There are more than 80 schoolchildren on the track!!! I instantly call the judge, who is on the 4th "fox", via official communication. Lord, there's a girl! I remembered her even at the performance: small, frail, in a storm jacket. I remember that one of the local judges said to me at the time: “Don’t worry! She went through two classes at school a year. tell her what to check as simply as possible. But she interrupts me: “I have already eliminated everything! There, the wire from the output circuit to the antenna jack has fallen off! I have already done everything! Don’t worry, everything is already working!” Indeed, the signal of the fourth "fox" appeared on the air again. Only two cycles were skipped, i.e. 10 minutes ... At the evening judging "debriefing" the girl became the center of attention. Especially when they opened the case of the fox transmitter and there they saw a wire tied with a bow from the output circuit to the antenna jack. The men, and these were mostly children's coaches and leaders of circles from all over Ukraine, as they would say now, had their jaws dropped ... Where is this girl now? How was her fate?

 


 

Provodkin Alexander Ivanovich, Arkhangelsk

A familiar peasant asks very ingratiatingly to come to see the telly. I knew that he had a Record lamp, and without asking about anything, I said that I would come. Oh God, I've never seen anything like this! Shot with a 16-gauge hunting rifle!! The story of the owner himself (the wife is standing nearby): “I come home drunk, the TV is on - the series. The wife washes the dishes, listens. I change the channel, the wife screams - leave it, don’t touch it! always enraged, and here in the hands of a gun - well, I fired at the telly. You won’t believe it, the shot of the 5th number did not penetrate the kinescope from five meters !!! It scattered like a fan along the walls !!! .. "(I looked - really, on the wallpaper there is a clear trace of a circular shot, the TV was in the corner). "...Then I was hooked, how is it! Ch loaded the buckshot and already consciously, aimingly hit again. The success exceeded all expectations!" Having confirmed the death of the device, I looked behind it for the sake of interest - absolutely all the details migrated from the boards to the walls behind the telly, and the glass and all sorts of heavy pieces of iron - behind the bedside table. I didn't even touch anything, said: "Medicine is powerless here" and left. When I told at work (in his presence), everyone went nuts at first, then they laughed for a long time. And when he soon bought a new, colored, 3USCT, they teased and advised "zhakan" (this is such a bullet, on a bear) on him. Dela...

 


 

Provodkin Alexander Ivanovich, Arkhangelsk

The neighbor is sitting on the porch, smoking. I go home from work and ask why so sad. He asks me to go watch TV, can I do something or not, he accidentally spoiled it. We go in, look, there is a small hole in the kinescope. Well, I say, tell me. He is also a hunter, he got ready to hunt, and began to clean his small-caliber rifle. I cleaned it, began to check the reloading mechanism, checked it, took out the magazine and turned away from the people (household), pressed the trigger. A shot, a direct hit ... in a kinescope! The bullet pierces the front glass, the mask (3USCT), loses its strength and remains inside the kinescope. The telly was off. The hole on the outside is so neat, and on the inside the outlet is much wider with a cone. I had a used kinescope, on the same day I quickly changed it, everything works !!! A week later, I overate on delicious game.

 


 

Andreev Andrey Alexandrovich, Red Sulin

Somehow I come to my grandmother - "God's dandelion" on an application for the repair of ULCTPI. Repaired personnel, adjusted the white balance. And he himself was amazed - the telly is 10 years old, and the kinescope is ideal. Slightly adjusted the color differences. And I say: "Take the job!" Grandma stands looking at the TV set with her mouth open and barely says: "And what is he (TV) color?" It turns out that the grandson gave the TV, well, he didn’t turn on the color toggle switch at the back. And all these years, until the staff member grunted, granny watched him in b / w image. So in gratitude, in addition to money, she gave a quarter of her good wine.

 


 

Eugene, Krasnoyarsk

I started soldering and assembling simple circuits from school. Parts were searched for in the garbage dumps, where TVs or receivers were thrown out, which were no longer good for anything (about the 70s). Some details were even made by ourselves. Speakers or headphones, for example. An empty jar from under the shoe cream was taken, many holes were punched on the lid with a carnation, a piece of a magnet wrapped in copper wire was placed inside (no one knew exactly the number of turns), a round plate was cut out of the can with mother's tailor's scissors along the inner diameter of the jar. They put it on a magnet, closed the lid and put the two ends of the wire into the "radio" socket. Previously, and in some places still, there is such a "local radio" - wired. For them, subscriber loudspeakers with volume controls were produced - very convenient. For some, they "threshed" from morning until evening. But at that time they cost 3-4 rubles. And his own, homemade speaker, was "personal". You could listen to radio plays in the evening in bed. And in order to have enough to bed, they screwed any wiring with a plug to such a "speaker". Make sure the plug is the right size for the outlet. And by the way, they were the same size. And somehow I take the plug without looking and want to plug the radio into the socket. How boom! It was I who confused my home-made "speaker" and put his plug into 220. The parent jumped out into the corridor from the kitchen and for a long time could not understand why the fuse in the shield had blown with such a roar. And with a smart look, I also quickly jumped to the shield, as if it had nothing to do with it. Then I had to wind the "speaker" in a new way, but I painted the plug with my mother's red varnish. In order not to confuse.

 


 

Karpenko Philip Alexandrovich, Dnepropetrovsk

I will tell you about our practice with my youngest son Nikolai. I also carried away my sons, especially the youngest, with my practice of amateur radio. First of all, I showed my sons a battery and a flashlight bulb. They liked it so much that they both graduated from the radio institute and became engineers. And in my school years, my youngest set out to make a remote control for the TV. I connected wires that reached the length of the bed to the channel selector, everything would be fine if it weren’t for the “but” - as always happens, I began to close the back wall on the TV, and the kinescope was heavy in the area of ​​\uXNUMXb\uXNUMXbthe screen and rolled over to the front, the neck hit the back wall . TV is over. The kinescope hissed sadly and that was it. Then dad, in the sense of me, had to buy a kinescope for this TV. Well, nothing, thanks to my son I now have a computer, he gave it to me. Now my son has his own family, his own job, also with a computer.

 


 

Penzev Petr Eremeevich, Novosibirsk

It's no secret that the power of the transmitter was much higher than allowed for everyone who was not lazy and knew how to do it. When this was done clumsily and clumsily, interference not only clogged the entire range, but also climbed into TVs, radios and telephones ... Ex UA9PV - Victor told me about one such amateur. The crooked-handed craftsman did not react to the remarks of his colleagues, and waved and shrugged off ... Once Victor came to visit him and seized the moment, locked himself in the room where the "bad" transmitter stood and slowly broke all the lamps in it. Evil has been punished.

 


 

Penzev Petr Eremeevich, Novosibirsk

I had a good friend who was a radio amateur (now deceased), even had a call sign, but by the time of our close communication he had only the R-250M (90s) and a huge conceit in front of others. That's what he told me: "Your Elektrosignal are all fools, and you're a fool." In those years, Soviet televisions massively "died", and foreign ones gradually penetrated. In his standard 3-room apartment, the small room was littered with boards, blocks, nodes and "dead" TVs. He repaired a TV set brought in for repair in the following way: he identified a non-working unit and replaced it with a serviceable one from the Big Plyushkinskaya Heap. Yes, only then he asked others to repair the "dead" one. One day he says to me: “I don’t understand anything - I’ll bring the ULF scarf home - it works, I’ll take it, I’ll put it on - it doesn’t work! Let's go and see!” We went to the owner. I look - some Japanese, a small speaker, a child pierced a diffuser with a pencil. The reader must have guessed already. He put ULF, turned on no sound! I ask: "Did the speaker ring?" - "Yes, look!" - "Turn off ULF!" - "Why???" - "Turn it off!!!" I don't think I need to say more...

 


 

Koval Oleksandr, UA3AFO, Moscow

I served in the 1970s in the communications regiment. Morse code was not known only to cooks and drivers of radio stations. Well, that's the specifics. And we had a four-story barracks. That's where the whole regiment lived. One evening one of us took a screwdriver out of his pocket and tapped the battery with Morse code "QRZ?" - "Who can hear me?" Suddenly someone answers him: "Who are you?" - "I'm from the third floor." - "I'm from the second ..." and the radio exchange began ... Someone else butted in, put in his word, then someone else ... A nightmare began! Not enough air for them on the shift, so here too!.. It ended simply: the duty officer came running and "turned off the signalman" on each floor. Barely calmed everyone down. The main thing is that everyone understands why - they communicate and do not seem to interfere with anyone ... except for the unfortunate battery. More interesting next. I go into Lenin's room, and there sits an ensign in front of our open TV. He listened too, but was busy. Next to it is a box with fuses - 200 pcs. (taken from stock). Complains to me: "Here, one marriage!!!" - "And what are you doing?" - “You don’t see - I’m repairing the TV. But all the fuses, as luck would have it, are faulty. Which one I don’t insert, it burns out right away ...” - “Well, maybe there is a malfunction in the circuit itself?”, I say - “No, the circuit is working, I still I didn’t solder ... "I left, I could not look further ... His "repair" ended with the last fuse ... The next day I repaired the TV, although there were no more fuses in the warehouse ...

 


 

Nikolay, ra6xnc, Elbrus region

How I was the inventor of the radio A.S. Popov.

In 2000 I went to Nalchik to pay another amateur radio fee. The Republican RFC at that time was located from the building of the intercity bus station. I approached, a steel door, a call button, a TV camera - at that time it was a novelty. I press the button - from the speaker the girl's voice asks who I am and where. I suddenly say foolishly - I am Alexander Stepanovich Popov, I came to pay the amateur radio fee. He went up to the second floor, a young creature is sitting at the monitor. The girl says to me: "Alexander Stepanovich, hello, but I know you, we studied you at school in physics. Only I forgot what you invented?" I said that I had invented the radio, drew a schematic diagram of Popov's thunderstorm radio, gave a short lecture to the young beauty.

 


 

Alekseev Evgeny Alexandrovich, Tosno

In the 60s, I, a beginner radio amateur, had the status of a "radio master" in my village, which I was very proud of. True, it didn’t always work out with troubleshooting, but for me it was good practice and great pleasure. One incident stood out to me in particular. At one granny I was repairing a r / receiver. And in those years they worked from an external antenna. And when checking its connection, I noticed a switch on the windowsill, which was intended for lightning protection. A wire from the antenna was connected to the upper terminal, and a piece of wire was connected to the lower terminal, which was buried in a vase of flowers. To my bewildered question about the purpose of this tap, the granny answered with a note of instruction: "Like what? This is grounding." It took a lot of work for me to explain to her the difference between earth and grounding.

 


 

Gerasimets Anatoly Pavlovich, Moscow

Year 64...65 of the last century. I work as a mechanic for the repair of electronic equipment at the factory laboratory for the repair of instrumentation and automation. Colleague, Slava D., after the "night shift" is completely worthless. But the master is from God! At that time, almost all technology was lamp-based. He opens the case, turns the mounting up and looks ... for a long time, and then sleep overcomes him. The head is slowly leaning into the wires... We, 5 people, hear a voice (!) and see Slavik taking off in the SITTING position to the level of the back of the chair on which he was sitting! Landing on the back, the crash of a falling chair, Glory and a paragraph of unprintable words. Colleagues choke with restrained laughter. What force (muscle) was able to lift approximately 80 kg of live weight to the level of the chair back in the SITTING position?! We haven't found a solution. It was good technology in those days!

 


 

Alexander Bychkov, Krivoy Rog

After graduating from the radio technical school, I got a job as a television technician in one of the television studios. Worked on the line. Somehow I come to one of the clients (such a kind of party guy). I'm making a TV. All this time the owner silently sits on the couch. Finally, the repair is completed (the malfunction, I don’t remember which one, was not difficult). I start to draw up a receipt, and my grandfather says: "Do you have a TV master's certificate?" And I must say in our studio there was a delay with the issuance of new certificates - they had not brought it up yet. I explain everything to my grandfather. He says: "And I will not pay." I say: "Why?" - "But because maybe you are not a telemaster at all, but what a scammer!" I answer: "I repaired your TV, how can you not pay?" Grandfather does not stand his ground - apparently he decided to drive through the Darmov region. I open the TV again, bite out the replaced part, and silently leave. For a long time after that I heard selective swearing. These are the clients...

 


 

Tenitsky Pavel, Kerch

My relative and I graduated from telemechanics courses at DOSAAF. Well, since childhood I have been engaged in radio hooliganism, and I went through practice with a friend who works in a television studio. Therefore, a relative invites me to repair the television and radio station BELARUS (I don’t remember the number). I came, repaired, and then his father comes to me. I showed him how well the device works, and turned it off, pulled the plug out of the socket / their push-button switches were short-lived. I stand and wait - when my uncle will praise for the work. And he, like a thunder from a clear sky, says: "Oh, and you and Vovka are fools: study, study, and it's useless." What is he for, I think? And the uncle continues: "You can’t immediately remove the plug from the outlet - after all, when the TV was turned on, the current entered it, and now when it is turned off, wait for the current to go back into the outlet !!!" I dressed and silently went out, amazed by my uncle's philosophy.

 


 

Shebalov Yury Alexandrovich, Tomsk

I lived then in the 90s in Tajikistan. One Uzbek brings me a Vesna-202 cassette tape recorder and says: "Listen, look, ah! Everything works, but does not sing!"

And another case. I am relaxing with a friend. His neighbor comes in. Upon learning that I was asking the master: "Dear! I took a video recorder from my friends to look at (Panas G40), but it broke down, now I don't know how to give it back." I go to a neighbor, I push the cassette into the receiver, and he spits it out. There was no screwdriver, I unscrewed it with a knife. And there! .. A piece of dried cake. The Tajik people did their best.

 


 

Karpenko Philip Alexandrovich, Dnepropetrovsk

I also began to be interested in radio engineering, sitting at the stove. I inherited a "black dish" loudspeaker, as a modern broadcast loudspeaker appeared in the house. I studied his work thoroughly. Until he was silent forever. Further, our self-education reached Rodina 47, in which the only electrolyte fired like a gun. My friend and I gave him a voltage twice as high as it should be - they converted it from battery to mains. Well, for good radio reception you need a good outdoor antenna. We made it from pieces of wire. We decided to solder the places of twisting for better contact. Soldered on the street. It was already spring, and the earth was not yet completely dry - it was damp. Well, in the process of work, I was so overwhelmed by a current of 220 volts that I already turned green. The soldering iron pierced the body - he repaired it himself ... As a result, he burned his hand and almost died himself, if the soldering iron had not fallen out of my hands when it fell. But I still consider myself a radio amateur.

 


 

Sergei, Odessa

A lot of "ratsuh" radio amateurs are connected with remote control to domestic TV sets. Once upon a time, it was not yet inserted by factories, and models with it could be counted on the fingers. As you know, the first MDUs duplicated 8 USU-15 buttons and were first installed on expensive 1st class models, such as the "exporters" Electron-265 and Orizon. I attached my first MDU to the six-button "Photon-311" from a four-channel IR lamp control system that appeared on sale in 1989, with such a square remote control for 4 buttons. Of the 6 buttons on the SVP of the TV, 4 were duplicated, but for the then broadcast 3 channels were enough. Then decimeter channels appeared, I had to contrive with the 8-button MDU, bought in the "Young Technology", docking it with the SVP-403. Well, and then my "Photon" was for a long time awarded the 55-channel MDU-56, which then cost $ 20. It was made by small cooperatives, had a very successful design (better than the 90-channel "drawers" that appeared later) and helped out TV technicians a lot. I will not forget one client who called me to repair a tube colored "Electron-716" with a mechanical SKM-15. Having opened the device, I found a certain superstructure in the SCM area. It turned out to be a self-made system for remote rotation of the SCM axis. It was driven by a motor with a gearbox. And he was controlled by wire with a button from the owner's bed. One short press corresponded to one MMB click. To the next channel clockwise, long press switched multiple channels. I did not come across such a remote control (not to be confused with the mythical "prefix of two-voice accompaniment")!

 


 

Krasilnikov Alexander Evgenievich, Dzhambul

I am a radio amateur with a fairly decent experience. From the age of 12, like most of my peers, he was engaged in hoarding, collecting, stealing, radio components. My first design was an ordinary multivibrator assembled in a case from the Mishutka radio receiver - remember such a speaker? - 0,25 whistle. In general, I drove the generation into ultrasound, brought it to school, put it in a bucket and sent it to the teacher. After about 15 minutes, she, citing a headache, left the classroom. Hooray! - the goal is achieved, the lesson is disrupted. The whole class was delighted. The next lesson is physics, and the location of the object, that is, the teacher, turned out to be a little different. The teacher was sitting at the pulpit and the option with a bucket was dropped. But there is no limit to the kid's ingenuity. I put my unit on a cabinet at the very end of the classroom, where all sorts of gadgets for experiments were stored and turn it on ... 15 minutes pass. Evgenia Sergeevna did not even understand what was in store for her. But those who sat at the back of the desks appreciated my invention, and almost beat off my craving for amateur radio along with something else. Escaped in disgrace.

Another story from adulthood. After the collapse of the Soviet of Deputies in Kazakhia, there was not life but .... People like me gathered, opened a TV workshop, and let's repair everything that is plugged into the outlet. They bring 3USTTS and say: "there is smoke and it smells of fried seeds." Well damn interesting! A council has gathered, we are doing an autopsy. A colleague makes an external examination, the jambs are not visible. Turn on. A colleague, sitting on a chair, examines the power module (and the protective cover on it is removed). So he moved away and the chair remained standing only on its hind legs. A colleague in this position admires the power module, and suddenly the electrolyte fired. He pulls out the bottom - and the poor fellow in the forehead! But it's still half the trouble. The blow was good, the pose was inviting. It had to be seen and heard: a clap, a scream and legs in different directions with a happy landing on the back. So he was with us for a week and walked like an Indian with a blue forehead.

 


 

Sergei, Odessa

In the late 80s, my parents call me somehow and say: "But we bought a computer!" - "Where?" - I ask. "In our hozmage!" - "How much?" - "Only for 50 rubles! Very beautiful, solid, with a monitor and a keyboard. Even a special stand. We just don't know how to connect what. Come and figure it out!" Of course, I came to look at this miracle of technology. Indeed, everything looked solid and beautiful. The monitor is quite large, monochrome, green, the keyboard is multi-colored ... However, upon further examination it turned out that this is not a computer, but a so-called workstation for communication with the main computer, which may be located in another room. It didn’t even have its own processor, unlike the current pisishkas working on the network. When asked why they got the idea that it was a computer, the parents said that it was written on the price tag in the hardware store, and when asked why they didn’t wait for me, they answered that the seller had intimidated them: take these cars at such a price like hot cakes She'll be gone in 5 minutes! In general, this workstation gave "solidity" to the parental apartment for several more years, and then it was demolished to the trash.

 


 

Sergei, Odessa

I knew one grandfather who saved on television technicians. He had two identical black-and-white televisions of the "Birch-215" type, and when one of them broke, he began to sequentially rearrange the details from the second from left to right. First, the lamps, then the PTK, the UPCHI board, UPCHZ, TVS, etc. changed. Most interestingly, he found the defective part by this method of replacement, although the repair could sometimes last a week or more. But once he did not cope with the screen that went out once again, although in 2 weeks he completely changed the contents of the device. The called telemaster stated the death of the kinescope, which the owner did not guess to throw.

 


 

Filatov Sergey, Zaporozhye

I used to work for an electrical company. And there - a good third understands TVs and other consumer electronics. And during a smoke break, a welder (from the village himself) comes up to us and says: “Guys, what could it be on TV? The resistance burned out there, I soldered another, the same thing, but it still doesn’t work!” One of us asks (referring to the denomination): "Vasya, did you put the same one?" Vasya's answer plunged everyone into a stupor: "Yes, it's the same! I measured it with a barbell - it's the same!" After this incident, if someone complained, they say, "cannot be repaired," he was advised to take a caliper.

 


 

Gladenko Ruslan Orestovich UW5SW, Ivano-Frankivsk

It was in the military service. I served as a sergeant in the position of commander of the radio department. During the reorganization of the unit, the communications center was reequipped. Somehow at one time, in the telephone network served by a manual switch, the conversations of some subscribers by others began to be tapped. That is, when two subscribers were talking, then when two others were connected, their conversations were mutually tapped. State of emergency! The head of communications organized warrant officers from different departments to search for the cause. Whatever they tried - they grounded the switch, and checked the connecting lines, cables, and tried to shield, nothing worked ... Two weeks passed, they tried, it would seem, everything! The authorities were starting to get angry. Once I was on duty at the communication center. Leaving home after a working day, the head of communications gave me a task to try to deal with an already annoying problem. He knew my radio passion, interest in the repair and design of radio equipment. Therefore, more than once attracted to work that had nothing to do with my department. To be honest, I was shocked. Firstly, I didn’t have to deal with switches, I didn’t know circuitry. Secondly, it was necessary to sit until the morning to understand the "combat" equipment. A little something happened - and in the morning it was possible to leave subscribers without communication ... But the authority of the boss forced me to agree to the task. First of all, I picked up the switch circuit. After 40-50 minutes, I could not believe that such a technique could be so simple, even primitive, compared to the radio equipment that I serviced. After thinking a little, I moved on to "laboratory work". I managed to find out that listening to conversations occurs only at the moment the telephone operator answers. That is, when she turns on the microphone to answer another caller. It is clear that the reason is related to the circuits common to all subscribers - a microphone amplifier. It turned out that its circuit was such that the signal passed through the power circuits - which means that filtering is insufficient here. The next step - connecting a 2000 uF capacitor to the switch's power terminals - managed to eliminate the problem. These works took me about 4 hours, and after midnight I had a well-deserved "lights out". )) In the morning, the head of communications did not immediately believe my report that everything was working. He checked several times with different subscribers, the surprise did not leave his face for a long time, especially when he found out about the work done. It turned out that during the reorganization of equipment at the node, a lot of equipment was handed over, written off. One of the ensigns stole the alkaline batteries that were in the buffer to supply the switch in case of a power outage. They just served as a food filter.

 


 

Sysoev Sergey, Bryansk

He worked in the 90s as a radio mechanic. Application - Sadko Ts280 is not included. I come, in TV, the standard PSU trouble is a transistor, a thyristor and an electrolyte 100x63. I change it, turn it on - it works, but the whole image is in a blue tint. I replaced the capacitance in the MC - the image is just perfect. I call the hostess, she, seeing how the TV works, starts hitting me: "What did you do? The box showed well, how will I watch it now ?!" place, turn on - the image is blue. The hostess immediately: "That's another matter!"

 


 

Koval Alexander Nikolaevich UA3AFO, Moscow

About the benefits of "jammers" in Soviet times.

In the seventies, the VEF receiver of various modifications (the predecessor of Speedola) was popular among the population. I am a young but promising radio amateur, I found somewhere in the literature the contour data for the range of 13-16-19 meters to this device. Do you represent the value of the find? I successfully rebuilt my WEF, sacrificing the LW, 52 m and "empty ruler" bands. Making a homemade bar is no problem. But there are no gushers on the air! ... They call me, like everyone else in their time, into the army, and here I am - a radio operator. Morse code, a workshop for repairing equipment, duty ... Everyone quickly learned that I was repairing TV receivers and ... the "easy life" began. Somehow a major comes to the workshop - the head of the office of the Headquarters and says that he has a VEF-10, but the jammers are very pestering. They don’t let them listen to their native Voice of America ... He heard that there are other waves where everything is clear ... “Yes,” I say, “It is possible to rebuild the receiver, but it is very difficult and it is not known whether it will work out ...” word. "Yes, - he says, - I understand ... Two bottles will be enough?" - "Of course," - I was delighted ... The next day I bring him a ready-made receiver to his office. He went to the window - and was stunned! Heard clearly and without interference EVERYONE Hands me a bundle: Will you carry it? And the guys in the barracks are already laying the table ... But that's not all. A couple of days later, the General-Chief of the District Staff with an adjutant comes to my workshop. "Get up! Quietly!" I'm a private... For a long time he beat around the bush, was interested in how we live, what they write... But he didn't come for that. “Here,” he says, “he went out to the playground at home to smoke, and here the head of the office, the major, listens to his receiver. Yes, it’s so great ... I have the same one. They gave it for 50 years. Can you rebuild it too?” What could be my answer? "Very well. My adjutant will bring it." Here, of course, you can not ask for a bottle. In the evening I knock on the door of the general's office... "May I?" - "Ah, come in!" I handed him the rebuilt apparatus. He twisted it. He was satisfied: "That's right, this station and the major just here on the scale is audible ..." What is the main thing in all this? I was demobilized on time and the general's car delivered me to the airfield ... Three hours of flight - and I'm at home!

 


 

Ermakov Victor, Istra (formerly Seversk)

It was in the late 80s, a time of terrible shortages. Siberia, industrial town, winter, December 30th. A friend calls me to his home and says: “I bought a color TV, I wanted to watch TV shows with my family on New Year's Eve, but it broke down. I ask what is wrong. By that time I had already seen a lot of faulty TVs - but I had never seen anything like this! A friend opens a window pane (Siberia, cold ...) - after half a minute, the image disappears from a working TV, but the sound remains. Closes the window - an image appears. My first reaction is a joke. And a friend almost cries: on the nose is the New Year, family, small children and the prospect of a spoiled holiday ... I myself opened and closed this window - the TV obediently hid the image, then showed it. Realizing that this was a reaction to the temperature, he took the TV set to his home, put on a sheepskin coat, felt boots and opened the balcony door in the cold, became an oscilloscope and began to explore the inside of this miracle. For those who understand - 3USCT TV. I was looking for the reason for 4 hours - this is on the eve of the holiday! The answer turned out to be simple - at the factory, instead of 2,2 kOhm, a 22 kOhm resistor was soldered into the strobe pulse formation circuit. Therefore, the vertical blanking amplitude differed from the horizontal sync pulse by microvolts, and when the temperature changed, the vertical blanking in the SSC signal exceeded the horizontal one - the lines were properly extinguished. More than twenty years have passed, but I can’t forget this incident, I haven’t seen anything like it either before or since.

 


 

Shamshurov Oleg, Kirov

Somehow my friend Oleg called me to help assemble the TV. In the early 90s, there was a time when it was very difficult for a television factory worker to acquire one. Yes, and a matter of honor, of course. Okay, since all the "ingredients" are in place, why not help. I must say, Oleg is a cultured, clean man, with a higher education. His room is always in order and fragrance, the girls loved him for it. But this was not what I was amazed at: there are few people in the world who have been honored to see a kinescope fully prepared for installation, absolutely sterile (naturally, he wiped it with pure alcohol!), Without a protective graphite coating.

 


 

Shamshurov Oleg, Kirov

Somehow my friend Vanya called me to "watch" TV. Vanya is a healthy man, he owned, in addition to two children, a TV set. Also healthy, USCT-P. Such a transitional model with a thyristor sweep, weighing 30 kilograms. He also had a tester, black, solid, like a writing instrument of a member of the Politburo. But with short ends. Okay, they opened the inside, turned on the TV, I put Vanya with the tester next to me. I think: if the kinescope "sat down", then there is nothing to mess around with. I checked the guns - they were pulling all three, gave the ends to Vanya and delved into the scheme. And then Vanya, apparently not catching the essence of the troubleshooting process, decided to investigate something on his own. At the same time, he held the tester in his left hand above the neck of the kinescope, and the free end in his right. Vasya is a strong, strong man, but, apparently, the accelerating tension turned out to be stronger. Result: fracture of the kinescope neck by a falling tester. And Vanya had to buy a new TV set.

 


 

Korotchenko Alexander Petrovich, Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky, Russian Federation

How I became "Petrovich"

When I was a radio installer at the Electro-Radio Navigation Camera of the local Rybport, I was sent by the authorities to the next steamship (in the year 86-87) to repair the device with the elegant name "FAK-P". I was then 24-25 years old. The head of the radio station, a 55-year-old uncle, accepted with all his heart (still, parking for only three days, rush) - without weather maps, which this FAC should issue on stinky electrochemical paper, it’s somehow sad in the Pacific Ocean ... We met , led to the device. There is a piece of iron in a dark corner and does not turn on at all. Nachratsii already began to gut her quietly, without waiting for my arrival. She says that on the flight she thrashed like clockwork. We got to the pier - shut up. Well, I went to look. I started with the power cable. And he is lying safely on the deck behind the FAK. The socket is hidden under the switchboard, hard to see. I plugged the plug into the socket, turned it on ... it worked. The instructions are quiet to me like this: "Sanya, what's your middle name like?" Said. He is even quieter: “Petrovich, I’ll sign whatever paper you want (attire, that is), just don’t be ashamed in front of the crowd ... Of course, I didn’t even have thoughts of dishonoring my grandfather - an accident, after all. Fumigation was done on the ship, cockroach rats were poisoned (at this time the crew is being driven from the board down to the shore), well, and the cable was accidentally pulled out. I just didn’t look at the instructions ... It was with his light hand that the heads of radio stations began to call me "Petrovich" at the age of 25. )))

 


 

Galata Valery Ivanovich, Rostov-on-Don

The beginning of the 60s, a boy, 14 years old, stuck out in a television studio from morning to evening, gaining experience. He himself has already assembled a "Ether" transistor and picked home TV "Record". Masters are fighting with TV "Lviv" with UPCHI for three hours, the result is zero. Vasya, who is sleeping with a severe hangover, is awakened. After listening to the comments and stupidly looking at the installation, Vasya drools his finger, smears the resistor (then "resistance") with his finger, the TV started working, and Vasya fell on the couch to fill up.

 


 

Ochakovsky Vyacheslav Andreevich, Krivoy Rog

One day I come to one of my acquaintances, a newly minted radio amateur. We soldered with him, twisted the vernier. Then my friend takes a guitar out of its case and boasts that he plays it on the air ... I goggled my eyes and said with incredible surprise: “Listen, why does a radio amateur need a bass guitar? It was only after a long argument that I was able to convince my friend. Although he calmed down, he still remained very upset due to the fact that the HIE did not allocate frequencies for this!

 


 

Ermakov Victor, Istra

It was in the early 90s. It was fashionable to watch a video recorder, and most of the TVs were SECAM. I labored in the field of installing PAL decoders. I filled my hand, my wife painted printed circuit boards with nitro-paint at home, I soldered it and went to clients, inserted it into TV. The installation process took about an hour. And I got a client - he says there is not enough brown. And I set up decoders, in the absence of a PAL generator, according to the video, on a fragment of the cartoon Tom and Jerry. I add or subtract red, I already got into the white balance, I fight for two hours, and the client is the only one - there is no brown, and that's it! I'm all over the place, I don't know what to do. His wife comes and asks what are you doing here? I answer, they say, I installed a decoder, and your husband says that there is not enough brown. She: "Don't listen to him, he's colorblind." Curtain.

 


 

Kostenkov Vladislav Yurievich, Engels, Saratov region

It was about 13 years ago. I decided to solder a garland, well, like, for a Christmas tree. I bought 12,5 V bulbs in the store, having previously calculated everything, how much is needed, so that 220 V is evenly distributed over the garland. There were no cartridges for light bulbs, I soldered the wires to the base. I soldered all the light bulbs, screwed the plug (do not think that the one they eat). Proud of myself, I stick it into 220 V - then BABAH and BEAUTIFUL SALUTE from already painted cans of light bulbs ... For those who did not understand: I connected the lamps in parallel and each of them had a voltage of 220 V, but it was necessary in series, then it would work fine.

 


 

Kostenkov Vladislav Yurievich, Engels, Saratov region

I studied at school number 1 in Engels, who remembers me - hello. And so we had labor lessons. Learned to work with wood. The teacher was a good man and resourceful. I got some beech veneer somewhere and decided to glue the ends of the desk drawers with it, so that, therefore, it would be beautiful. Yes, that's bad luck - the iron does not heat. Well, he turned to us, the 5th graders, saying that someone will fix it - 5. Two of my friends volunteered to fix it, the blockheads are still those: Lekha Ryzhakov and Yurka Nemtsev. They disassembled the iron, twisted it. Included in 220, does not heat. And it should be noted that there was also a 380 V socket on the shield. Well, Lech plugged it into it. I don’t understand how the iron didn’t explode, but Lech still assures everyone that the iron worked from 380 ...

 


 

Galimzyanov Oleg, Shadrinsk

Repaired a TV for a client. I was already finishing assembling my instrument, as the owner says to me: "Do you make a wired radio?" I answer: "Of course, yes - there is nothing tricky in it." I say: "Give it here!" He picks up the phone from the table and calls. As I understood from the conversation, the radio needs to be repaired by his neighbor on the floor above. We are waiting for a neighbor, Baba Claudia is coming. She is 85 years old, so nimble, small in stature. He immediately says to me: "Granddaughter, make a radio for me, he does not speak at all." We go upstairs to her. Immediately as a specialist, I draw attention to the front door. There are no wires to her apartment. "Strange," I thought. I ask: "Granny, did your radio speak before?" She nods her head in the affirmative and looks at me strangely, as if saying to me with her eyes: "Oh, I'm sorry for you, my dear." "Well," I say, "show me your radio." She leads me to her room. In the hall there is furniture from the 70s, on the table I saw a laptop. A decent Toshiba machine with a 19" display pulls about 70 Russian rubles worth of pieces. And a modem is plugged into it. "Obviously he uses the Internet," I thought. I ask: "Granny, why can't your grandson fix this radio?" And she tells me: “I don’t have any grandchildren or children.” I ask: “Who uses the Internet?” “I,” she says, “grandmother Claudia.” “Okay, we’ll fix your radio well.” Showed she gave me a radio, I quickly rang it - everything is fine with the radio. I found a radio socket under the wall carpet. I removed the carpet to the side, I stuck the device to measure the voltage, and the device smoked and stuck to the socket at one end. I didn’t have time to figure anything out, I took it stronger - how 220 volts obviously shied me! I got lost for about two minutes, I can’t understand anything. I wanted to tell the old woman something strange - 220 volts is walking in the outlet with a radio. I turn around, but the old woman is not there. I went to look for her. And what I saw: the old woman sits in the kitchen and tries to unplug the wire from the socket, but does not have time. I got it. He snatched the wire from her. I see - at one end there is a plug from a radio station, at the other - a plug under 220. She decided to catch a joke, as she said. In general, she has two sockets next to her kitchen table - a radio and 220 V. While I called her wire, she let 220 volts through the radio wire. In short, the granny turned out to be a prankster - she read jokes on the internet and is weird. The client, to whom the TV was made, asked if he was aware of this joke. He says no, but this grandmother is quirky. Here is such a client meets.

 


 

Piper Alexander, Moscow

I became a radio amateur in 1956-57. One of my fellow students had a brother who was a famous radio amateur. He worked in KB-1 and had the opportunity to get the most scarce parts. A fellow student was one of the first to make direct-amplification transistor radios based on P5, P13 transistors, and then P401 appeared. He used lacquered Palekh caskets as cases. The speaker was made from a DEMS capsule - a terrible shortage, not to mention a ferrite rod for the antenna. And so my friend once brought such a receiver to school. When I heard that this box was playing music and talking, I almost went crazy (we didn’t have a radio, TV, or even radio broadcast at home). He immediately stuck to him so that he would somehow teach me how to do such a thing (he saw how his brother does it and, although he himself was not a radio amateur, he mastered everything well). A friend said that it was necessary to steal details and a diagram from his brother (I didn’t know what it was) and get a soldering iron. He will show me how the parts should be connected according to this scheme, but for me to prepare my collection of match labels in exchange. Then I heard the word "pinhole". Under the guidance of a friend, I learned how to somehow wind a transformer on a ferrite ring and assembled this receiver model on the surface of a shoe box as a breadboard. The most interesting thing is that I made a mistake with the pinout, and turned on one of the transistors in the inverse mode, but this thing worked, although it was very quiet (it was audible for a meter). Since then, my entire subsequent life has been connected with electronics - I became an engineer-designer-technologist of radio equipment (there was such a specialty). True, I no longer consider myself a radio amateur for twenty years, but for more than thirty years I have been one, making tube HI-FI, speakers, tape recorders and players. In the 60s, in the 70s, microcircuits and their various amateur radio applications began. In the 80s, microprocessors 8080. The last thing I did as an amateur was computers like Sinclair, RK, and my own design - "Ocean".

Here is such a curriculum vitae.

 


 

Kazansky Sergey Olegovich, Minsk

In the early 90s they brought a cool Sony video recorder, 6-head, with Hi-Fi, an editing table and other bells and whistles. The background is as follows: it started to work poorly (dirt on the BVG), they asked the guest to "look at" it. It was during a feast with a drink, well, he "looked". The result - the system control board is broken in three places, about 200 of the thinnest tracks are broken. Well, I said "not repairable." And the owners thought and began to offer money. Big for those days. I "surrendered". For a whole week, I soldered PEV 0,12 wires to the terminals of the indicator and CPU and glued them to the board. The work is painstaking, after 10 delays everything is shaking. As a result, the vidak earned.


Deshin Alexander Anatolievich, Rostov-on-Don

Somehow I went to a call to a TV with a strange defect. According to the owner, the TV sparkled from the rear wall, and in different places - the "color music effect". Interested. I removed the back cover and on the control points of the color block (TV type - ULPCT) I saw a mouse hanging on one of the lamps. The poor fellow, having got into the apparatus, began to rush about, bumping into high-voltage contacts, causing sparks, and "calmed down" on the color block. Having taken from the owner the minimum payment for catching mice, he "sailed" back home.

 


 

Koval Sergey, Kagarlyk

Bring in a satellite tuner for repair. No signal. Opened - everything is beautiful, no violations. I think it's the HF tuner. Opened the lid, looked - nothing interesting. This is where I was taken away. Half an hour later I sit down to collect the HF tuner. I pull on the lid, it is hooked somewhere and does not want to ... I wanted to take it back, but then it jumps off and lies on the board. And immediately a pretty smoke comes out of there. I twitched all the laces until I found the network one. I got scared, I'm already trembling (everything - kaput to the tuner !!!) I put on the cover, and I think I'll turn it on. Again, if it starts to smoke - at least I'll know where ... And he, the bastard, turned on, and even the signal appeared! Works - I can not get enough. Only now I don’t know what to tell the client how I repaired it !!! :)

 


 

Pogorely Oleg Vladimirovich, Nikolaev

I'm building a cottage, I brought a red brick. A covener comes up and asks: "Did you bring it in? Let me build an oven for you." I didn't understand why that would be. He explained himself: "You see, on the TV the screen does not show half a brick from above and below."

 


 

Alexey Archipenko, October

The guys told jokes.

One radio amateur with a callsign tuned the output stage of the transmitter, playing into the microphone. Microphone in a metal case, type MD-64. At the same time, it was useful to twist something in the area of ​​\uXNUMXb\uXNUMXbthe lamp anodes. For a week afterwards he walked with swollen lips, like a black man from Africa.

 


 

Demyanenko Nikolay Vladimirovich, Sevastopol

I received an application for the repair of a black-and-white Cascade TV. The lamp has failed. Replaced. The TV worked. He told the owner that her TV was in excellent condition. She answered: "Do you know that when he was new, he worked almost like a color one, sometimes even turned pink!"

 


 

Stepanov Vasily Ivanovich, Tolyatti

It was somewhere in the 60-70s of the last century. Previously, there were still courses at radio clubs, where they gathered from the KBO of rural areas. More often these were people very far from the radio. I taught them "Repair of radios and televisions" there. And so, at the exam, one of the students got the question: "How to repair the speaker if it creaks - does it touch the diffuser?" The answer was this: "We must lubricate it with machine oil!" Everyone who understood, rolled with laughter.

 


 

Stepanov Sergey Borisovich, Kostroma

We have a client, a migrant from the North, what kind of radio mechanic (that's the correct name for the profession that "in the world" is called "television master") will not be sent to him on his next complaint - that's not right for him, and another complaint to the authorities is ready. Finally, in one of his "philippics" he writes that the telemaster sent to him had ... handcuffs in his suitcase. Then we learned that that grandfather was a former German policeman, exiled by the Soviet government to the north, and at the end of his term, he got the opportunity to move into new housing. Well, for an object so familiar to him from a past life, he took a demagnetization loop.

They also told this story.

The master comes to the application, a man opens the door for him, silently walks forward, ours behind him, the client approaches the sofa, silently unbuttons and begins to take off his trousers, and silently lies down on the sofa. It turned out (after what time, history is silent) that the citizen was waiting for the doctor with injections.

Well, all sorts of diseases happen to people ...

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I watched a video about a Georgian inventor on the net. Demonstrates the operation of his installation. A female journalist is interviewing:

Journalist: "What is the principle of your work based on?"
Inventor: "On rezanance!"
Journalist: "Where is he, this resonance?"
Inventor: "Here it is!" (points to a large inductor).
Journalist: "Where is he, I don't see?"
Inventor: "He's here!" (again pokes at the inductor)
Journalist: "I don't see the resonance. Show it to me!
"


Chuprikov Sergey Nikolaevich & Kuznetsov Alexey, Kaliningrad (Keniksberg)

Electronics technology is advancing in leaps and bounds. On this topic, there are a lot of interesting cases and incidents. For example, I want to describe a small case from which the stomachs of me and my friend Alexei ached for a long time. Electronics and radio engineering is a second life for him and for me. Both have been assembling radio-electronic devices, computers, etc. since their school years. The time has come when a lot of all sorts of devices began to fit in a mobile phone: a camera, a receiver, a player. So. Alexey and I took up spearfishing. And it became necessary to have a GPS with you on the water. When we began to rock this topic, many more desires appeared, for example, Hunt fish and listen to music, taking a phone and a navigator with me. Attach the video camera to the gun. And when the idea reached the point of installing a mobile phone with a TV in the mask, and everyone presented it, they rolled around laughing for a long time. Ducked in to shoot fish. Listen to your iPod or watch TV! Or an interesting film recorded, you catch a GPS landmark where to return, or you want to make a call to a friend !!! And the question is, why then dive? In short, they had fun. But the coolest thing was when, during the next dive, a friend plunged under the water, one tube sticks out of the water, and began to make some incomprehensible cackling sounds from the tube, when, after taking a sip of water, he jumped to the surface through the tube and neighs. He shouts to me: "Estimate, I imagined that I installed a TV in the mask. Only I haven't put an optical sight on the gun yet !!!"

 


 

Semenov Evgeny Fyodorovich, Chelyabinsk

This story took place in the 90s, during the heyday of Dendy mania. Those who were engaged in repairs at that time know that the purchase of a set-top box in the presence of a Soviet TV of the 3USCT type did not end there. After about half an hour of playing, the happy owner of the console had an insurmountable itch - "What would play in color." With such a problem, a pretty young woman was sent to me by my friend. There is not much work in such cases - solder the PAL decoder, and set it up a little. The woman herself, as well as her husband, turned out to be sincere people, at the end of the work they made tea while talking about life. In general, leaving, I reasoned that they bought the decoder themselves, a mutual friend sent them to me ... in general, I did not take money from them for the work. They parted happy with each other. I already forgot about this story, but it had a completely unexpected continuation. This lady calls me and in tears, very convincingly asks for some time not to appear in the area of ​​\uXNUMXb\uXNUMXbher residence .... It turned out that her husband is sincere, but drunken. And in another binge, he was struck by a bright thought stated to his wife - "Ah, he didn’t take money from us, I know how you paid him off! If I see it, I’ll kill him." So suddenly I understood the diplomatic term - "persona non grata".

 


 

R'RёS,R ° F "RёR№, Dnepropetrovsk region.

All the same Northern Fleet, all the same highly secret unit... I spent all my free time with my comrades in the radio class. Solder something, drink some tea and so on... The comrades got tired of just serving, and repairing household electronics for officers (although, in theory, they, these officers, were supposed to enlighten us in electronics). A comrade finished repairing a black-and-white (there were no others then) officer's telecombine - a hybrid of a TV set with a receiver, and said: "Enough poking around with pieces of iron, let's turn to face nature! Let's go catch a wild cat!" It must be said that sailor folklore described a "real" case, as a wild cat killed a soldier-builder in AWOL. You understand, he didn’t have a tooth on the Moreman! Wild cats, but simply domestic ones abandoned by the departed owners, were looking for food near the bakery, officer's canteen, etc. Naturally, they were fruitful and multiplied. It was not possible to catch a big cat, and after turning over a mountain of firewood, a kitten was caught, the size of a mitten. It was here that I believed that when he grew up, he would definitely bite a builder soldier or, at worst, in three steps our midshipman-supply officer. A month later, on enhanced rations, the cat was affectionate, trusting and ate incredibly, recalling his hungry childhood. The owner of the telecombine went on a long vacation, the TV showed tolerably Murmansk television and adorned our tea party in the evenings. It should be noted that when disassembling and assembling any equipment, there is always a shortage of screws, therefore the back cover of the TV miracle was lying under the table. And so, one Saturday evening, tea was brewed, condensed milk was opened - it's time to turn on the telly. I go up, click the button and wait for the image to appear - all of a sudden I need to tweak what is needed there ... It is impossible to name what was heard in the TV box otherwise than as an NON-HUMAN SCREAM. I was a little short of condratics! A black shapeless ball falls out of the TV set onto a chair, falls to the floor - and the CAT with a run-up head into the door - and somewhere in the distance a scream subsides... remember) high voltage! Probably for at least a month the cat shuddered at the sound of a clicking key and his fur stood on end. The story is absolutely reliable, like all my stories :)

 


 

Shipy Vladimir Petrovich, Syzran

In 1963, he gave up radio hooliganism. I gave the attachment to a friend. He himself began to work on VHF-ten, AM modulation. Short autumn holidays, I'm sitting at home setting up the modulator for 4 6p3s from the book "School VHF radio station". The voltage at the output of the modulation trance is about 300 V of the low-frequency signal, the load is a bell, aluminum, powered through a matching trance. Private sector, bell on the street. The signal was given from the Lira radiogram, twisted the layers. A roar, a roar in the whole village with excitement. Suddenly, a crowd bursts into the room, a district police officer, a friend with a parent, and some two other men. I immediately understood - they catch radio hooligans. Not at all scared, which surprised them. On the table is a hefty modulator, a radiogram and all our rubbish. "Yeah, gotcha! Hooligan!" - were the first words of those who came. "No, I'm not a hooligan" - and told me what I was doing. They didn't believe it. One of the men decided to check my radiogram. The man himself, in an unbuttoned cloak, under the cloak on his chest, a flat, curved receiver, a frame antenna on his back, lead boots on his feet, leaned on the modulator and he climbed to the radio to examine it. And as soon as he touched her, a roar, a squeal and a flight to the opposite corner. Lead shoe - through the window, stuck between the frames. They brought me to my senses, undressed (they took off the cloak, and that's where they saw the frame-antenna). All de-energized. The second man nevertheless climbed again to watch the radiogram. He moved it away from the wall, removes the back cover, but nothing is visible, the table is 80 by 80 cm, uncomfortable. He kneels on a stool and leans on the modulator to the radio. A dry click and a heavy man flies to the floor, taking with him everything that was on the table. The stool broke, got hurt, started to get up and leaned on a hot soldering iron. Here, in Russian, mat-remat. Discharged electrolytes. Went in the course of bandages, ointments, brilliant green. I got scared myself. Nevertheless, I showed them the radiogram. No crime was found. The first man became sad, indifferent, he was so pissed off. The mother came home, the district police officer told her everything. Mother to educate me with a log. The district guard defended. But there is no glass, shortage, winter is on the nose. The mother helped the men. Feed them. Times were hungry. The men appear to have come from Kuibyshev. A friend got off with a hard beating of a parent. I am for the broken Ts-20, I received a TT-1 from my father and a harsh, "convincing conversation." And for what, I did not understand.

 


 

R'RёS,R ° F "RёR№, Dnepropetrovsk region.

It was in 1968 (69?) The Northern Fleet, a highly secret and regime military unit (who wants to, can read everything about it on the Internet :). We write out the magazine "Radio" and suddenly - a diagram of the radio control equipment. Push-pull transmitter on two or four P416B. That would be to make a pocket radio station! And then a friend returns from vacation with a present from his own highly secret factory - P416B, fiberglass and whatever your heart desires. As they say, sleep in hand. In short, they made two radio stations - modulation of the "kyshmysh" type into the base of transistors, super-regenerator receivers. The "mustache" from the room TV antenna went perfectly to the antenna. There was joy! But the music did not last long. A comrade from a special department came and kindly like this: it's cold here, but in Magadan ... Well, you understand where you serve, but the enemy eavesdrops! Etc. etc. Where are the radio stations? And a friend, without batting an eyelid: "Dismantled, realized and, in general, we will no longer! That's all that's left," - and points to the switch board lying on the table ... Christmas tree garlands! Well, I think, how is the weather in Magadan? The "special officer" says a couple more parting words, like - we'll see each other again, takes a fee, puts it in his briefcase and leaves in peace. It was here that my friend started shaking, but how can there be someone who is smart on the radio THERE? Passed (not in the physiological sense).

 


 

Uvarov German Pavlovich, Moscow

This story takes place around 1958. At that time, the Ostankino Tower did not yet exist. At our dacha near Moscow, there was a KVN TV set, which received only one first program. I read somewhere about a rhombic antenna and decided to make it to improve TV reception. I fixed the antenna between the trees on stretch marks with insulators, as expected. Reception improved, even the second DH program was accepted. But one night there was a very strong thunderstorm. We woke up and, after a while, heard the strongest roar. I realized that lightning had struck my antenna! Imagine my surprise when in the morning we saw that the lightning struck not the antenna, but one of the oaks in front of the house and broke out a segment from the oak along with a branch. My antenna worked, as if nothing had happened.

 


 

Semenov Andrey, Donetsk region.

I have a friend. So he told this story. He had a TV, I don’t remember which one, but there are a lot of preds in the back. And then one of them dies. Vovan, armed with a screwdriver or something else, decides to replace him once again. But if in the standard version the cover is removed together with the power cord, thereby eliminating the possibility of falling under the influence of an electric current of 220 volts, then in his case with the aforementioned cover (due to the frequent failure of the fuses), work was carried out to modernize it! Simply put, it was sawn into two components, and Oh, eureka!, you can change it without pulling out the power cord ... After the first touch on the live parts, a screwdriver and something else flew off in an unknown direction. Vovan also received a charge of vivacity. Suddenly, his brain started to work - in the sense he thought, maybe you need to unplug the cord from the outlet. Vovan agreed with the proposal of the brain, but forgot to perform this procedure. And after 7 seconds the story repeats itself... He came to his senses (returned from space), according to the stories of the household, in two minutes. And in the most inexplicable place for him - in the kitchen under the table: the distance from the TV is 5 meters (in complete bewilderment and with a huge bump on his forehead). Flying this distance, on the way he grabbed a couple of stools on one of them, breaking off a leg as well. After all this (apparently the lesson was useful), he even changes the batteries in the remote control of the TV and other household equipment strictly in dielectric gloves with an unexpired verification date!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I played in an ensemble in my youth and could not buy a normal guitar with my student scholarship. And the Soviet "Rubins" and "Urals" were not considered guitars, because they sounded like firewood. Years passed, music remained in the past. Now everything is in bulk, not like with a scoop. There are also Chinese-Korean relatively inexpensive good-sounding guitars, which, out of nostalgia, I bought myself. I play it from time to time, remembering the past years. My friend radio amateur comes to me, we got drunk with him, we twisted the vernier and then he drew attention to the guitar case. I took out a guitar from the wardrobe trunk and show off to him. The comrade widened his eyes and said with incredible surprise: “Dima, why does a radio amateur need a bass guitar? Only after a long argument, I was able to explain why she told me. My friend, although he calmed down, nevertheless left with distrust and very upset.

 


 

Litvinenko Vladimir Olegovich, Dneprodzerzhinsk

At the request of Yandex "Integral Stabilizers" on one Russian site there is such a page:

"Integral Stabilizers. Integral Stabilizers are manufactured in individual pieces from modified 4145 H alloy steel, heat treated to a hardness of 285-341 Brinell and an impact strength of 50 Joules Charpy. Stabilizers can be supplied in two configurations: with boxes on both ends or a box on top , nipple at the bottom."

Didn't know that there were.

As it turned out, it was not about electronics, but about a drilling rig.

 


 

Romanyuk Petr Pavlovich, White church

It was in 1970. I studied then at the Belotserkovsky school No. 4. I met Kolya and Volodya from Uman. They also studied at the telemasters. In the evenings, in the hostel, we soldered a prefix to a 200 m radio receiver and a power amplifier on two GK-71s. They pulled the antenna on the hostel and began to work on the air under different call signs. We worked for a week or two, I don't remember. Somehow the commandant comes to us with the police, they take away all our equipment and they themselves are evicted from the hostel. We settled the hostel, but I fell ill with radio engineering. I changed a lot of things. I am now 56 years old, but I still cannot forget those wonderful days and I regret that young people are not engaged in amateur radio.

 


 

Rzhepishevsky Yuri Valerievich, Lugansk

It was in 1984 or 85. I started soldering all sorts of knick-knacks from the 4th grade. And here comes the physics lesson, the topic is something about radio and radio components. The physics teacher calls me to the board to answer. The lesson, of course, is not learned, and the teacher in the radio understands how I do in ballet. Then I told about thyristors - that they are KU202A. And so on and so forth ... And in my pocket lay a nail with a piece of colored wire wound around it. Well, I took it out and blurted out to the teacher that this is a new part that can replace any - even a transistor, even a resistor, even a thyristor, but it's called a trifigistor. There was no limit to the surprise of the teacher and she gave me 5. I don’t know where this name “trifigistor” came from, but I remember this story to this day.

 


 

Sergei, Kherson

It was somewhere in 98. I worked as an audio-video equipment salesman. People from the countryside came to buy a video player and say: "We need a video recorder to watch action movies." By the way, I said that the video cassettes will play any genre of video cassette that is inserted into it, but I meet some confusion and distrust on their part. In general, realizing what was the matter, in all seriousness I bring them to the window and show all the videos that are in the piles: “These are for comedies, these are for horror films, these are for action films,” and a little quieter: “And these two are for love to watch !" As a result, they bought a "video recorder for militants" and left satisfied, because they could not be deceived, as they thought. I still don't remember this story without laughing.

 


 

Rastorguev Anton, Magnitogorsk

The story of the disposable electric razor

This story began when a mustache had just appeared on my face, and along with them - a desire to solder and pick electrical equipment. I note - this happened in the mid-90s, in the heyday of a market economy, this is when all the counters were filled up with all sorts of cheap CHINESE junk. Well, by February 23, they gave my father an electric razor at work, it looks cool, one of the cool ones: black, light, with a finely perforated bristle grill, in a plastic snap-on box, with a mirror inside and a charming gilded inscription supposedly from the manufacturer "SUNNY" - usually on us, scoops, these inscriptions on goods acted magically, by the way, like fragments of a broken beer bottle on the natives, we still didn’t really know then what fakes were, etc. Dad was pleased with the gift - a cool electric razor was supposed to replace the usual "dangerous" razor "Sputnik", with which he tore the stubble in the morning, well, we were all happy for him - this is the company "SUNNY" - probably cool ... A week later, dad gave it to me with a malfunction - it doesn’t charge and doesn’t want to turn on at all - fix it, son. And I have an institute here, a session and not before that in a word ... the razor got lost. Time passed and somehow, rummaging through the garage, I already found the same razor "SUNNY", the events of about 15 years ago are scrolling in my head, well, I think - nishtyak, almost new, I'll fix it and use it. I bring it to work, I disassemble the razor, it seems the board is worth it, here is the LED (the inscription under it is "Charge" - charge), here the battery should be charged and somehow everything is so cleverly done on the board, wires, tracks on the board of a double-sided getinax (!) Everything twisted, turned over, although the circuit should be the simplest in logic and, most importantly, there are no more details, there are no zener diodes or diodes for recharging the batteries ?! I turn it on - the LED is on, I measure the voltage on the battery - zero! a break somewhere... (and mentally already shave my beard). Searched, searched and - OPA! The battery is not connected to the network at all !!! originally!!! the LED through the resistance is turned on at 220V and that's it !!!!! there is an indication that you plugged it into the socket and that's enough for you ... It turns out that I shaved with such a razor for a week and, yeah, honey, in the trash or something ... after all, China whipped up consumer goods then! I think it’s okay - I’ll finalize the scheme myself, since there’s no need to invent anything abstruse here. I disconnect the battery and put it on a small current of 50 mA to be charged from the laboratory power supply right there on the table next to the computer. The radio is playing in the computer speakers, and then I hear some kind of interference in the right column, but there is no interference in the left, then again the same ... strange, well, I think because the stereo signal from the radio station is coming, maybe they have something there ?! And again stupidly looking at something on the Internet. This means the interference is getting stronger, I decide to move the wires, turn to the right to the column, and where the battery was charged from the electric razor - a puddle of electrolyte dripping from the table and the crack inside it is the same one that I took for interference. I disconnect, disassemble this "battery", remove the snow-protective shell from tin and fuck it for the second time - and there is a USUAL AA BATTERY! So I threw the razor out of anger. Well, it was ONE-TIME, and we scoops did not understand this then, and the Chinese forgot to write on it (well, on purpose!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I work in a mine and the mine engineers and technicians remind me of army ensigns. Here is an example. I am talking with a friend in KAVS about the calculation of an autotransformer. Our foreman Sanych comes in, listens to the conversation, turns purple and screams: "I forbid tunnelers to talk about transformers - only about drilling and jackhammers! Let electricians talk about transformers !!!"

 


 

Galimzyanov Oleg, Shadrinsk

Our city is small, and from time to time we go to the regions for applications. Somehow they came to one village, searched - nothing. We meet one local "telemaster". He complains to us: he changed the kinescope at the neighbors, so now they are chasing him with a rake around the village. Says: "Guys help out!" We arrived at his neighbors and see: Funai's TV is upside down on the table, that is, on the top of the TV, and tied to the table with adhesive tape - so as not to fall, as the owner explained. And the image - as in a mirror, frame inverted, lowercase - too. We laughed, soldered the deflecting one. I ask: "How long did you watch it in this state?" The owner says: "It will be a year already." A few days later, the unfortunate master calls us and thanks: "Thank you, guys, helped us out." And I told him: "The applications will be - call." And now he is our post-poster in the village. Such is the case.

 


 

Zimin Viktor Alexandrovich, Almaty

Students living in a hostel have a hard time, especially when they are away from their parents. We, students of TIASURA, also often went hungry, especially back in 1978. But one day we were very lucky - we met the girls from Meda, who lived together (!) in the same room. Having learned that we were radio technicians, they asked to repair the EPU in the radio and invited us to their place. They set the table so that we almost choked with saliva while we looked at the old lamp RECORD. And the malfunction was the simplest - the corundum needle simply curled up on its side and did not touch the plate, but we made a preoccupied look and said with a smart look - THE CALISTRON PASS-THROUGH flew, you have to buy it! The next evening we again had a chic dinner, during which we all listened to vinyl discs, and laudatory toasts to the golden hands of TIASUrs. We were very ashamed, but the doctors fed us painfully well. And at the institute, the expression "THE CALISTRON PASS-THROUGH" sounded for a long time!

 


 

Sandalovich Victor Mikhailovich, Kiev

This was in the early 70s. At home, he came to repair a tube black-and-white TV. The TV is working, but in the picture there is snow, "mura". On a piece of wire instead of an antenna, it goes much better. It is clear that the collective antenna is to blame. I measure the resistance on the antenna plug with an ohmmeter - short circuit (0 Ohm). I solder on the front from the box of the external antenna - also short. So, short circuit on the cable. But the whole trouble is that after the recent renovation of the apartment, the television cable was closed under wallpaper and baseboards, and the TV worked normally for half a year. How to be? Well, do not tear the new wallpaper. An idea has come! I take incandescent 6,3 volts from the TV, I feed it to the cable through a resistor in a couple of ohms and wait about 3-5 minutes. Next, I go from above along the wallpaper where the cable lies and try the temperature. First warm, and after four meters - cold. And then it turns out that three days ago the telephonists ran a telephone cable right along the top of the wallpaper and pierced through the television cable with a nail. This is such a rare story.

 


 

Yaroslav TroyanovskyVoronezh

This was in the early 90s. Voronezh Higher Military Engineering School of Radioelectronics. The third course - the guys are already adults, they live in rooms for 7-8 people. Accordingly, they collected various junk from the senior courses in the form of tube TVs, into the room by apparatus. And since these devices have already been changed by about 3-4 owners, their condition was appropriate. And I want to watch something... Of the one and a half hundred boobies, only about a dozen really understood electronics, including me. Usually, requests to "see what's up with the telly" ended with soldering panels, winding up transformers, replacing lamps and broken conduits. Everything, in short, as it should. And then some holidays, weekends came, there was nothing to do, respectively, we relaxed with a libation. I did not want to take a soldering iron in my hands at all. I went into the next room - roofing felts for matches, roofing felts for salt. Well, it started. The unfortunate "Record-312" said something, but refused to show it. Due to high spirits (and I already knew the insides of each telly by heart), I jokingly measured out in quarters (two to the side, one to the center) a point on the TV cover, pointed at it with my finger, and, with the words: "That's how it's done," slammed his fist at her. The telly lit up, everyone was satisfied, I got matches and one hundred grams. Everything would be fine, but!!! A couple of days later, again there was a need to go to the neighbors. Communicating with one of them, I heard a ringing blow, turned around and was stunned!!! In the place of the point I had "indicated" a certain semblance of a target was scratched out, and this blow fell exactly on it. I don’t know what moral can be drawn from this story, but our diplomas proudly flaunt the specialty - RADIO ENGINEER!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I bought my first computer in 2006. I did not understand, I did not understand much. A friend who worked as a system administrator and knew the computer business thoroughly advised me to definitely take an uninterruptible power supply. And preferably with a cord that is included in the PC. So that the uninterruptible power supply, in the event of a power outage, could instruct the PC to save what I had built, and also could correctly turn off the PC. I told the young salesman all this, he proudly laughed, made several intricate gestures with his hands and replied: “Well, you figured it out! I immediately took a book of complaints and the first thing I read there was: "Your sellers do not understand anything about their product, but only fantasize and try to shove it!"

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

Often people of the older generation do not accept innovations in technology and do not believe in their existence. Because it does not fit into the logic, because they grew up on something else. Here is a vivid example of this ... We are talking with a friend on a deuce (145.500 MHz) about collenary antennas. Like, who in the city took which one, for what ... etc. An old radio amateur, a dinosaur of the ether, an orthodox lamp soul - in the best sense of the word, wedged into the conversation. Comrade convinces us not to buy this "bourgeois" filth. We ask the person to explain - why not buy? He gives a touching speech, killing the theory of Karl Rothhammel on the spot. The speech itself: “Guys, well, here the antenna consists, for example, of three vibrators located one above the other and there are some coils stuck in between them to blur the eyes. Well, think for yourself: the RF energy passed through the first 3/4 lambda vibrator and radiated into broadcast, and then it won’t go to the next vibrators .... well, because it’s all radiated !!! The bourgeois are deceiving you, they invented nonsense and sell it for big money! "

 


 

Michael, Krivoy Rog

It was in 2001. Then I was still repairing 3USCT. Well, the craftsmen, of course, remember how instead of a five pipe, with a slight alteration, a four was put. At that time, my wife gave me a silver chain for my birthday. I almost never took it off. It was summer, it was hot, it was creepy. Well, of course, I was without outerwear, with a naked torso. So, I put the TV on the table, put the mirror, well, let's mix. But I did not pay attention that the focusing armored wire was soldered without insulation. And, as soon as I raised my head to look in the mirror, sparks fell from my eyes. Thrown right up to the window. I couldn't understand right away what happened. It turns out that I touched the focusing electrode with a cross. There is a blue stripe on the neck. That's what a safety violation is when repairing a TV.

 


 

Obukhov Evgeny Dmitrievich, Moscow

The story begins in 1945 when I was making a detector receiver. To do this, it was necessary to "weld" the crystal and find a "sensitive point" on it. Then the first tube, and then the first SUPERCITY (coils were wound on cartridges of 16 gauge), on which I listened to the "Voice of America" ​​(1947 - starving). In developed socialism - calculators (the first one I bought for 200 rubles), then - programmable ones. I sent the program to the journal "Science and Life", where he suggested reducing the program from 29 to 10 steps, etc. The first PC, the printer, and then everywhere ... Now the TC-29V30R Panasonic has broken down, which I want to repair before my 80th birthday. He has 45 days left.

 


 

Vladislav Fedorov, Moscow

It was in 92. We went with my mother and grandfather to the village, to my grandfather's homeland. And there how: the whole village - one surname. Or two, but it doesn't matter. We arrived, they met us there. And my grandfather is an administrator, in Moscow the manager of a large office and a lover of conversation. And he tells everyone what a smart grandson he has, like he can even fix the TV. And then it began. :( Walkers crawled, like - look at our TV. And all the relatives, you won’t refuse. But I don’t have anything at all. What should I do? you can see. There are two pentodes inside: one in the radio channel, the other in the video amplifier. The second one is already hooked on high current, and the first one is as good as new. I change places and - OPA! - everything works. I made about 5 pieces. Then the tube color ones went. And on the third day I ran away in order not to let down my reputation, like I urgently need to go to college.

 


 

Viktor Evgenievich, Dnepropetrovsk

I am not a radio amateur or an electrician, but I had one interesting experience. When I was a student at DSU (Chemistry), I lived in a hostel number 7. It had 4 blocks of 10 floors, and each block had 2 electric stoves. In general, the inputs to the building were hefty, the contacts were clamped with M20 bolts. We are sitting with my friend Serezha Shcherbakov (at that time a student of the medical faculty, and part-time electrician of the hostel) in his switchboard, drinking - for 3 days, probably. I see - a relay with a bunch of wires is lying on the floor, I think drunk: "Right now, it will click with a frequency of 50 hertz." I take it, go to the main input cabinet and poke two wires from the bundle into these same M20 bolts. It exploded so that from the next room (kamenda's office) the kamenda herself came running: "What is it, what are the explosions?" I say: "Yes, hooligans ran past - they threw a firecracker!" And right in front of my eyes - the orange sun in full screen, not a damn thing is visible. Serega, friend, almost fell off his chair, sobered up. Later, when I saw the light, I realized what was the matter: firstly, I connected a 220 V relay to two phases, and secondly, the wires that I poked were soldered, on the bolt heads there were craters 5-6 mm deep. In general, pinned.

 


 

Alexander, Kiev

My father's sister (perhaps she was my aunt) already far in her age married a retired communications officer. They left him from the army due to noticeable successes with green snakes and the appearance of green men. In my first acquaintance with relatives (I was about 35), I was amazed by a whole warehouse of all sorts of TV-radio-electro-junk. This junk occupied almost a third of the considerable space near the summer kitchen and pleased the eye with a variety of age and types. My surprise was noticed and satisfied. Former liaison saw. He drank heavily. In honor of our arrival, he was fasting for the third or fourth day and, due to abstinence, he walked gloomy, angry and taciturn. A warehouse is a warehouse. Warehouse for non-finished products. Uncle Vanya (a retired officer) from time to time took orders from his fellow villagers, took an advance payment, promised to fix it and stored it in a shed. It was strange that the villagers were not indignant and resignedly replenished the bins with TVs, irons and other tuners with mixers. They did not demand a return of the drink. So a week passed in a sober frenzy. Somehow, in the middle of the night, I was impatient to check the amenities in the yard. Lights were on in the shed, music was playing, Uncle Vanya was mumbling imitating karaoke on the Maidan. There was a smell of rosin, wires, someone's TV flickered with a blue screen. An OFFICER rummaged in his giblets enthusiastically, like a first-year surgeon. In an old tunic, in colorful blue shorts on his bare feet and in a cap on his cropped head. In one hand - a soldering iron in the other - an aluminum mug. A three-liter jar of moonshine, half empty, stood in the corner of the table. Uncle Vanya splashed me in a glass, pushed a cucumber and again, lowing out of time, climbed into the gut. His eyes are bulging, blue, and he seems to see everything, but somehow he looks through you. Well, everything, I think, will kill. No, it didn't. On the floor along the wall stood, lay and lay about 2/3 of the former Warehouse for non-finished products. She was ready! In the morning, a scandal from an aunt that didn’t wake me up, lamentations about a ruined life and a drunk can of moonshine, joyful and slightly embarrassed smiles of fellow villagers dragging home their resurrected eletroskarb. It turns out that sober Uncle Vanya hardly distinguished a soldering iron from a plunger and an iron from a meat grinder. But when the binge came! .. There was inspiration, memories of youth and efficiency. The next day, he remembered little and suffered from a hangover. Most of all I was finished off by an old TV set "Spring". It showed three channels tolerably, and the fourth was a little blurry. I thought I knew a little tube TVs. At the level of a kettle with a soldering iron. It was useful to twist the coil on the PTK. I remember the inside of that TV for a long time. There was not a single lamp on the board! Bitten some capacitors and resistors. And on the wires inside the case hung ONE kind of lamp surrounded by a cloud of details. It turns out that Uncle Vanya drunk "improved" the scheme. Now he showed THREE channels. And the neighbors have ONE. Bad. That's what an officer of the Soviet Army means!

 


 

Leonid Timofeevich, Novosibirsk

In the year 50-60, parents bought a 2-tube radio. Worked well. Suddenly stopped working. They carried it in for repair - all the colored wires were cut out in it. I hit on the first number, because I was actively involved in amateur radio. Even the nickname was - "Dynamo-inventor". Why dont know. He liked to collect detector receivers very much, and especially - to wind power trances. Much later, I found beads made of colored wires from my younger sister. There is no retroactive penalty.

These are the memories.

 


 

Shakhov Zhora, Donetsk

This story happened to me in 1988 in the army. As someone who understands televisions, I was smelled by the deputy commander when high-ranking officials from the Administration addressed him. For this, radio components were ordered from the warehouse, so there were no problems with them. After the repair, I wrote off these details according to the act. Once I was sent to repair the telly to a lieutenant colonel. Provided black "Volga", and I went. I arrive, and there is "Electron-726" with a BCI block. I unfold the telly and see that the color switch is in the off state. I take off the back cover, and start to "smoke" into my eyes, that is, I melt the rosin, and for show off I solder the K224XP1 chip. An hour later, I turn on the toggle switch on the color block, close the lid and turn on the TV. Everything works, the polkan is satisfied, and the microcircuit is written off under the act in my favor. After that, I was once again convinced of the veracity of the proverb: "The more oaks in the army, the stronger our defense."

 


 

Eugene, Leningrad region

How to terrify an experienced political officer. The second story about my service...

Black Sea Fleet, I am a young and handsome radio operator. Saturday evening, I, being on duty (on duty at the checkpoint of the residential town of the object), do some of my own business. And suddenly, over the "chestnut tree" they shouted at me into the wheelhouse on duty. I, thinking that this is an opening of the communications watch, am flying as an anti-ship missile "Progress". And the reason is simpler: on a hill above the unit, an air defense post with "Arrows" and a TA-57 telephone, on which a vole was stretched out, was set up on alarm. This vole is short-circuited somewhere - there is a constant call on the switch. And the telephone operator is on leave. And so: I, covered in cobwebs, make my way through the thickets of blackberries (tasty, infection, but painfully prickly!) In the complete darkness of the southern night. One connection, the second, the third - and that's it, as if on purpose, with twists opposite each other (but it should be spaced apart!). And then I fall into some kind of pit, overgrown with dusty thorny weeds. All!!! Patience has run out! I go back, with a bayonet-knife hanging on my belt, I bite a vole near the box on the wall of the building (let the telephone operator figure it out tomorrow, I hope the adversary does not fly in at night!). I go to the wheelhouse - check, report, and then a friend, a signalman, meets me. With the question: "Why did they call you into the wheelhouse, and you are here?" Well, then I took my soul away ... I remembered the duty officer, and the telephone operator, and the one who laid the vole like that, and the vole itself, and the blackberry bushes, and the dark southern night, and many others, and all their relatives up to the seventh generation "in God, the soul, the mother of the sea to the full depth of the overlap through the nailed hawse through the kingstones into the "greenery of the underbelly ..." with a very large number of bad words ... And suddenly, because of a car parked 10 meters away, a political officer rises up. He is there , it turns out, he was going to change the wheel. By the way, our "cap-two" had six months left before the DMB to retire. By God, I'm not lying, he turned red! In the light of the lantern it was clearly visible! And he says: "Zhenya, are you cursing like that? ?? That's who I wouldn't think of! I could hear you over that mountain! (a hint that he didn’t eavesdrop?) The mountain, look, it’s all reddened! Aren `t you ashamed!!! Signalman, the intelligentsia of the Navy !!! (and as if the signalman is not a person ...) And you swear like some kind of BOATSWAN FROM THE SAILING FLEET !!! I will hear more such expressions - I'm sorry, I'll tear off the eggs !!! (yeah!!! as if he wasn’t a naval officer himself!) After that, for 4 months, the nickname “boatswain from the sailing fleet” stuck to me ... So repair someone else’s department after that.

 


 

Vorgul Igor Moiseevich, Grozny

It was in the distant 80s. "Hooligan" I'm on the air in the suburbs of Grozny. To exclude direction finding, the antenna was removed during the day. He lowered the nearest mast onto the vineyard arbor, and carried away the far one altogether, but the wire through the neighbors' gardens was lying around until the next night installation. He worked mainly at night, for long-distance communications, and only after the end of the TV, so as not to annoy the neighbors. Once, having arrived home from Grozny for the weekend, I decided to talk to the local "organ grinders" on the "lying" antenna during the day. Suddenly, while at the reception, I see my uncle walking down the street and carefully studying the space above the yards. He notices the "lying" antenna, but cannot understand where the tap goes. The main part of the antenna lies on the gooseberries of the neighbors and enters my yard. He knocks on the door, but I don't open it. He goes to neighbors. This time is enough for me to hide all the equipment, close up and let the shepherd go. They come to me and start to break, I do not open. After knocking for 10-15 minutes and yelling, they leave. So I managed to inflate the HIE. And he continued to work at night until the beginning of the 90s, until the well-known events began.

 


 

Gennady, Donetsk

Mid 80s. All my life I have been soldering something, assembling at home, my son loved to watch all this. One day, the sound on the Electron 736 TV disappeared. My wife, who did not trust my talents, called the telemaster. He poked around on the TV for about ten minutes and fixed the breakdown. A wife enters the room with a 2,5-year-old son and asks: "Well, what happened to the TV?" The master replies: "Yes, this thing burned down," and hands it to her. The son takes the “thing”, carefully examines it and says: “This is called “resistance”, and it is correct to say “resistor”.

 


 

Gusev Andrey Vladimirovich, Novokuznetsk

I remember that Funai TV was brought to us. Brought by the gypsies. I knew that they are an impulsive and temperamental nation, but when I saw the TV screen, I realized how much! The whole screen was dented, it looked like the windshield of a car, which was hit with something sharp and heavy, but the crack did not spread all over the screen! As a result, I not only did not take it for repair, I did not even turn it on in order to avoid the explosion of the kinescope. By the way, I was very surprised that the people who brought it to me for a long time and obsessively persuaded me to do it, although I told them in plain text, for a long time, in raised tones, that using such a TV could lead to an explosion. In general, thank God, otbrehalas.

 


 

Dubovoy Sergey Nikolaevich

He worked in the 80s in a television studio at the reception. A partner came along. He laughs and says that one client recently came, turned the K50-3 capacitor in his hands and asked the question - where to insert this "quartz" into a b/w TV so that it starts showing in color. I told him - they say, man, are you completely already? ... He says that they sold him this "quartz" on the market for 50 rubles, and they said: how to install it in a b / w TV they will tell in the television studio ...

 


 

Koval Alexander, Moscow

1980 Vacation. Gudauta (Abkhazia). My wife and I rent a room, like many other vacationers. Near the sea, the beach - LEPOTA! I am already an experienced radio amateur, and 5 years of work at the TEMP television factory also mean something. And here is a neighbor of the hostess from the questions of who, where does he find out that I am a radio engineer. Began persuasion to fix their TV. I explain: "I have no tools." He says: "Let's go, dear, we'll find a tool, just go." Well, the TV is unified, it seems to be familiar. No image, line generator not working. But you need a screwdriver. Bring a flathead screwdriver from a sewing machine. Doesn't fit - I can't even remove the back cover. I had to grind it on a piece of granite. Now I'm almost Robinson Crusoe. Removed the lid. Suspicion fell on the high-voltage capacitor in the circuit of the second grid of the generator lamp. Need side cutters. Bring tongs for crushed sugar. I managed to bite the capacitor. What to replace it with? The tone block has the same one, but how to solder it? They turn on the primus and I use a red-hot nail (I have tongs) to remove the excess tin from the installation (yes, they didn’t save on trifles). But just do not solder with tin. I ask you to bring aspirin, because it is useless to ask for rosin. "What, darling, do you have a headache?" I explain why. They look strange and do not believe. In short - I turn on TV - it works! People have a holiday, because otherwise TV had to be taken to Sukhumi for repairs. And this is far, long, and expensive. And my wife and I have a holiday. What a treat it was, wine... And most importantly - I felt like a magician, an all-powerful magician in the field of electronics... I almost burst. It was nice that in unsanitary conditions (in the sense of conditions for repairs) everything worked out. Now you can go to a desert island, but you don’t know if there are TVs there?

 


 

Kolesov Mikhail Sergeevich, Moscow

It was winter. They gave the object - to the autoline of traffic lights between two underground parking lots in the business center on Savelovskaya. It was necessary to come up with and implement a scheme of their own cooking. I am a specialist with 28 years of experience, but I switched to another profession a long time ago. They sketched a diagram with my boss (the word OAK does not even fit him). He advises me: he draws so seriously, he pushes me, I nod stupidly, and inside everything is torn and shaking with laughter. Have drawn. Let's go to the Savelovsky market to look for something (I'm not a debater - let's go). Naturally, miraculously, we didn’t find much, but still we found switches and a power supply, and I gently insisted that it was necessary only with a transformer (reliability from overheating), not an impulse switch - it was a painfully cool object and through our fault the Lexuses would kiss. They walked for a long time. I also insisted on additional fuses, intended for stupid guards (they put the foil in - and goodbye). Found 1,6 amp fuses. My boss is conducting a dialogue, I poke my finger - otherwise it doesn’t reach him. I am generally polite and intelligent, but when busting, I break my jaw without talking. Here I am rushing with fun: a free show of the seller and the boss. Seller: "I'm a specialist with six years of experience, we'll find everything, don't worry." My boss: "Do you have HIGH VOLTAGE fuses?" This one: "The guy from the warehouse will bring it right now, wait." I neighed for a good 5 minutes, lay in front of the people in the window, almost peed myself, to which the boss asks with childish naivety: "What's wrong?" I suddenly remembered the weather...

More history. Pererva platform, I’m waiting for the train, I’m studying the table with power supplies and phone chargers, 10 years ago it was somewhere. The woman-seller shows everything and says: "Wow! And this unit gives out 500, 700 and even 1000 milliamps!!!" (Chinese block is known to everyone for different voltages). I say: "1 Ampere or what?" "No!!! 1000 Milliamps!!!" I clearly explain (woman) that 1 ampere is 1000 milliamps. Dear comrades! You should have seen the world crumble in her eyes!!!

 


 

Boris, Kiev

For some time I worked as a video engineer at a television center. And it so happened that for some time they appointed a young "oak" from the Komsomol members to be our head. For some fault of mine, he demanded that I overtime repair several monitors (professional, color and b/w). Here I changed the deflecting system in one, I'm testing it on the grid and color stripes generator - all la-la. At this time, there was some kind of championship and our Komsomol member sent a signal to the monitor from a multi-standard tuner. And the picture turned out upside down (well, I didn’t guess the phasing of the ends of the OS). People gathered to watch. The boss looks and does not understand what is the matter. "Why upside down?" I reply that he apparently turned on the standard "L" with positive modulation, hence the inverted picture. I walked away, and the boss asked the engineers for a reference book of standards (D and K were not on that tuner). The people whinnied for a long time, while the Komsomol member poked buttons.

 


 

Zlochevsky Viktor Sergeevich, Kiev

Many years ago (somewhere in the mid-90s) I worked in a remote village in the Khmelnytsky region (Ukraine). The only entertainment in my spare time besides moonshine was the TV. Old, tube Electron 700th some. So, it's broken! I am not a televisor. A bit of a radio amateur, but did not repair TVs. However, I have a general idea of ​​​​the operation of the TV. Without going into details, after a long "digging", suspicion fell on a high-voltage rectifier (there was some kind of pole, I don't remember the brand). It was out of the question to find something like that there (in the village)! I reasoned like this: the power supply of the kinescope is about 12 - 15 kV. The multiplier probably multiplies four times (even now I don’t know how much). Therefore, the reverse breakdown voltage of the rectifier column must be at least 4000 volts (4 kV x 4 \u16d 226 kV). I had as many D30 diodes as I wanted. I took a wooden rail 15 centimeters long. He hammered nails into it. I screwed 226 D100 diodes to the nails, connecting them in series. Knowing that the diodes have a large spread of resistance in the opposite direction, I soldered resistances of XNUMX kOhm in parallel to the diodes. I tied this whole structure with electrical tape to the back cover. Soldered long wires and soldered instead of a pole. Everyone who watched me "chemize" was shocked! But the TV WORKS!

 


 

Akimova Ekaterina Leonidovna, Nikolaev

The story happened to me. In my life I am a complete humanist: I write poetry, I am fond of literature. At school, it was because of this that it was very difficult for me. And now, as I remember now, the ninth grade, physics, we are considering some schemes. I LOOK AT THESE ALL BALLS-SQUARES AND I GET BAD! I come home, my father makes a "printed circuit board" for some very complex alarm system that reacts to the heat of the human body and gives a corona of not sickly voltage. Without inventing anything smarter, I pioneered this board and brought it to school. Everyone was in shock - I completed the task perfectly. But when the teacher called me to her and asked me to explain what is what, I gave out only one thing. "Well ... in general, the scheme is complex. There are both striped balls and squares, mind you - shaded and not very, stripes, all sorts of labyrinths, and in the end, if you connect to all this ... mm ... a light bulb, then light bulb ...! I didn’t have time to finish, my own teacher called me a fool, and called my parents to talk for the second deuce. But when dad came, he was very happy that such an expensive fee was found ... So we live!

 


 

Akimova Ekaterina Leonidovna, Nikolaev

This story happened to my father - a radio amateur. Once he decided to open his own business, and he hired "geniuses" with higher education. After reviewing all the diplomas and certificates, the father decided to check them. The test consisted of the following - it was necessary to explain what voltage and current are. After thinking for a few minutes, the "geniuses" found it difficult to answer. Then my father simplified the question: "Vova, why is the light on?"... The answer amazed not only my father, but also me... "Because they gave the light!", "What is the voltage measured then, Vovochka?", "Like Leonid Vladimirovich in what, in sockets, of course!" After that, he decided to spin the case himself ...

 


 

Zaitsev Dmitry VitalievichUlyanovsk

I once worked at a sensitive factory and one day, at the end of the working day, I pinned five LEDs on my jacket. At the checkpoint, the watchman stops and asks what I am carrying. I answer that these are oscilloscopes. He calls the boss and says that I am carrying, and the boss asks again and says: "LET IT BE"

 


 

Basil, Chisinau

Having several years of radio hooligan experience, in 1975 he got into agricultural practice in a village near Tiraspol. A familiar tractor driver, Mitya, asked to repair the Record tube radiogram. The power transformer died from a power surge. I found a similar one, inserted it, but somewhere else it was short. Just at this time, Mitya brought the first two liters of wine from the cellar in an old teapot. It turned out that the electrolytes also died. Each disconnected electrolyte was followed by a kettle. And when he bit off the third, last one, the radiola worked, but it was very bright. But after four kettles of wine it was Hi-Fi.

 


 

Pan, Kiev

For a year in 91-92 I served as a lieutenant in the missile defense communications troops of the Leningrad Military District. In my free time, I soldered an amplifier for the player, who can remember, there was such an Ageev circuit (transistors of the last cascades on a common cooling radiator). I am sitting in the workshop (a kennel is 5 square meters, a table, a chair, a safe under the table) In the process of soldering, I drop the transistor and it disappears, clinking on the chair. Searched for 2 hours (no spare). I sifted all the garbage on the floor - nothing. Found it in the keyhole on the safe door. He hit a chair and flew into a horizontal slot about 5 mm high and about 15 mm wide. Hysteria, laughter, tears.

 


 

Oleg Gvartzeneteli Idishovich, Pakistan

Once, and I work as a plumber, a teacher from a women's gymnasium came to me and asked me to repair an electric bludgeon, only clarified that it needed to be redone so that there was vibration. I remembered the lessons of physics at school and came to the conclusion that vibration can be caused by play in mechanical parts. So I took an old alarm clock and started experimenting. As a result, a hybrid was made, i.e. an alarm clock was obtained, the winding of which caused the baton to vibrate for 1 minute. The teacher was pleased, because I added another LED there, which lit up at the initial moment of the alarm clock. True, she was a little disappointed that the baton vibrated so little and said a strange phrase: "That's enough for me, but it won't be enough for the schoolboys." Only after a while I guessed why this club was needed ... After that, I, upset, swore to be a plumber.

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I am a radio amateur, callsign on the air is UT5EDT. But as for the repair of household radio equipment .. I pass. Didn't like it, didn't do it, experience - zero. But my friends get me. They ask to repair, then one thing, then another. And then my neighbor Dima comes and says: "The Rubin TV is covered. Look what's there." I reply that I don't understand. And he was surprised: "So you have a soldering iron!" The debate went on for a long time. Finally he said: "Yes, you just open it and look!" I unscrewed the back cover of his TV ... LOOKED and twisted it. Dima watched this procedure in surprise and said: "What is already working?" I answered: "No, but I, as you asked, LOOKED at it!"

 


 

Andrey Stepanov, St. Petersburg

I worked as a TV technician. They invited me to a customer whose Sony TV fell from the table to the floor (with a screen size of 72 cm). The kinescope was intact, so I decided to restore the board. After turning on the TV, the color separation mask moved away as on the coat of arms of Canada in the province of Quebec in the form of an ideal lily in full screen. The owner was very upset, but he paid the money. And I even liked it - red on the left, green in the middle, and blue on the right, you can send it directly to the exhibition, if the body were lighter.

 


 

Eugene, Leningrad region.

Alien invasion.

I once repaired a CCTV camera to a friend after the alien invasion. And it was like that. The camera stands on the wall, capturing the porch of the house, 6 meters of the courtyard and the gate. The monitor, about 19 inches, hangs on the wall so that when you open your eyes in bed, you immediately see it. A person wakes up in the morning, opens one eye, sees movement on the screen, looks already with two ... And there !!! A nightmare monster in full screen moves its complicated jaws with terrible jaws, sorts through a lot of jointed knives, peers with a lot of eyes ... Waking up - that's it, horror movies are resting ... A person lies outside for about 20 seconds, then it reaches him, he grabs the first one a long object (a bar 40x40 mm and 2 meters long, he did repairs in the house) and in a wild rage rushes to extinguish the monster. The result - Khan and the monster and the camera ... And what's the point: a hefty spider hung from under the roof on a cobweb, hung 15-20 cm in front of the camera, and, apparently, basking in the rays of IR LED lights, moved its paws .. .


Eugene, Leningrad region.

How to shock an experienced midshipman

I once served in the Black Sea Fleet as a radiotelegraph operator. Once, without me, they started exercises on fire evacuation of equipment from the radio room, and my fighters forgot that both units cannot be removed from the R-675PM receiver at the same time (there are 2 mechanical transmissions). And the receiver weighed 90 kilograms and was terribly ungraspable. The result - all the scales went astray, etc. I'm sitting, setting up the "product". Spare parts, of course, plundered before me, there are no special keys. And in the case there are milled blocks with hefty covers. Instead of one special wrench, I used a screwdriver with a slot width of 30 mm, slightly sharpening the edges, instead of another, a 46x52 wrench came up. And he pressed a set of repair cables onto the blocks so that they would not drag under his hands, with a two-handed sledgehammer (belonging to any communication post who served in those years as a signalman knows why). In general, with a two-beam oscilloscope and GSS, angrily cursing "three decks with pendants", I reanimate my favorite product. And then our head of the communications group, an experienced midshipman, enters the radio room. (And part of us was far from the pioneer camp "Seaman"!) He looks at the table with horror: disassembled equipment on repair cables block by block, a hefty wrench, a screwdriver one and a half cubits long, and - you can’t imagine it on purpose - a sledgehammer ... Plus the corresponding expression on my face. The midshipman asked with horror: "Zhenya, and after THIS he will work ?!" to which I, without thinking, blurted out: "Of course it will! The first time, or something, I'm fucking him!" The seasoned midshipman turned pale, staggered, and leaned against the wall...

PS And I had no right to make such a repair ... But the product is needed today, and the queue for the plant is 4 months ... What can you take from signal maniacs, if only there was a connection!

 


 

Yuri Robertovich, St. Petersburg

Somewhere in the early nineties, two employees of our television studio arrived on a call to the apartment of a very literate aunt. Before that, one of ours was with her, but could not stand the treatment and hospitality, we had to send two specialists to "strangle" obstinate clients. The TV is normal, 3USCT - there is sound, there is no image. The defect is standard - line scanning. As soon as they were about to open the back cover, the aunt told them: “What are you climbing into the TV, first check the power cord! I myself am a radio engineer and I know that there is sound on one wire, and the image goes on the other. . Our men were dumbfounded by such a statement, but she did not listen to the explanation that everything was wrong. Even by turning the socket in the network, and saying that now, according to its logic, an image should appear, and the sound is gone, the guys ran into a bunch of curses and accusations of incompetence. In the end, calling her a fool, they left. But the story didn't end there. This lady dashed off a cart in the name of the head of the television studio, where she asked to be punished for the insulting form of behavior towards her by the television masters, who had not repaired her television. And interestingly, her request was granted (at that time, a percentage of the premium was removed). Apparently when she brought her letter, she spoke with her boss. In order to avoid further excesses, the boss decided to grant her request, but so that she would not appear in our studio again. That's what fucking radio engineering is.

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

When my friends and I were in our 20s, we were playing in a rock band and getting ready for the festival to make an audio recording of two or three of our songs. Everything was always on the ointment, two "Orbita-107" babinniks, a mixing console, etc. etc. We had the evening and the next day to record. We turn on our equipment and suddenly a trickle of smoke and a smell appeared from the amplifier. Shouts, we quickly turn everything off. As someone who knows a little about radio business, I am entrusted with repairs and I pull a heavy amplifier home on my hump, since no one will let me stay in the palace of culture at night, and there are no devices. I open the amp at home ... and what I see is that a dead cockroach lies tangled in a web, tangled in a web, on the terminals of a 220-volt transformer. I turned on the amplifier a few more times - it was the cockroach that really smoked. He brushed away the cobwebs and the cockroach. That was the whole renovation.

 


 

Chuprikov Sergey Nikolaevich, Kaliningrad

During the years of radio sports, I, like all shortwavers, had to adjust my HF equipment. The problem was that the output stage of the RF amplifier gave a pickup to the near circuits and excitation occurred during the transmission. I decided to experiment with shielding. Taking copper foil in pliers, he wound it between the high-voltage anode choke, on which 1500 volts hung and the coils of the preliminary stages, and then pressed the transmission pedal. Accordingly, the equipment was all thoroughly grounded, the second hand was on the case, in short, an arc arose between the anode choke and the foil, and it darkened in the eyes from the impact. Then I quickly found the foil with a melted edge, but I accidentally found the pliers a month later on the wardrobe in the far corner!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

A friend of mine told me the following story. That a radio hooligan lived above him, and when he went on the air, one could recognize by the crimson spiral of the chandelier bulb. The neighbor from the entrance was feeding his transmitting monster - the traffic jams could not stand it at home.

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

According to eyewitnesses, radio hooliganism in the USSR in Ukraine was strongly carried away in the Donetsk and Luhansk regions. And not childish ... not six threes, but so that in the master oscillator GU50, and in the terminal oscillator - GU80, but rather not one, but three at once. Our Dnepropetrovsk region did not lag behind in this enthusiasm. Which of the radio hooligans was more educated (nonsense), he collected intelligent equipment that did not give harmonics, did not go beyond the range. The characteristics are not inferior to the professional. Those who interfered with the work of state radio stations, jammed TV sets with poorly assembled equipment, etc. became the object of hunting for the telecommunications inspectorate and the police. etc. We had such a shot in our city, let's call him Fedor. Caught him, overfished a lot of times. He has even stopped assembling equipment on the chassis, as well as a canopy on the table. Near the table he put a rake and a shovel, on the wooden holders of which he wound the contours. There was darkness on the air from him. On one of his last visits, the police did not stand on ceremony with him and, in order to wean him from hooliganism, did not fine him 50 rubles according to the law. with the removal of the transmitting device, but took away everything related to electricity from the house, even an iron. Electric light bulbs were also unscrewed throughout the apartment.

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

The 60-80s were the time of the dawn of radio hooliganism (now there are only grandfathers-partisans of the radio air). Then it was fashionable to assemble a circuit of five parts on a piece of getinax, the head of the whole structure was the 6P3S lamp covered with legends. This circuit was powered by a radiogram. Radio reception was carried out on the radio. The Telecommunications Inspectorate and the police waged a relentless struggle against unregistered shortwave radio amateurs, who often interfered with the work of other services. Here is one story with a radio hooligan friend of mine. Volodya worked from the kitchen on the first floor. Suddenly, a Bobik drives up to the entrance, they are already breaking into the apartment. Volodya, having torn off his 6P3S prefix from the radiola, does not know where to put it. In the end, he shoves it into a pot of borscht on the stove. The militiamen ransacked the whole kitchen - there is no transmitter! The frustrated ones left. And so it happened three times, and all three times the prefix was hidden in freshly brewed borscht. Only on the third time, one of the policemen noticed the wires sticking out of the borscht, opened the lid and pulled out material evidence by the wires. And he said: "Well, sho, got it, Max Clausen, personal radio operator of Richard Sorge!"

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

It was in the year 1986. My friend and I came to the radio club to get a call sign. Some grandfather listened to us boys and offered to write a document under dictation. He asked questions - we answered in writing. Questions followed: "Are there any relatives abroad, are there any convicted relatives?" When grandfather asked the question: "Were your parents during the war in the occupied territory?" we were quite surprised. I said to my grandfather: "So my father was three years old, and my mother was a year old!" Grandfather calmly said: "So write that you were!" Our patience burst from such idiotic questions, and when we finished writing, we were completely overwhelmed by the fact that this nonsense needed to be rewritten at home in twelve copies and brought to the radio club. Grandfather advised us to be patient and not get upset if one of our relatives turns out to be suspicious for the relevant authorities, as this is a serious obstacle in obtaining a call sign. And so within a year we are guaranteed to receive permission to work on the air, well, a maximum of two years. At home, we quickly forgot about the radio club, and in a couple of weeks we assembled an electromagnetic transmitter, according to the scheme of one of the reference books. Then the army and other concerns. I received the callsign only fifteen years later - in a month and a half.

 


 

Sergey Aleksandrovich - master (not telemaster), Kyiv

About 7 years ago, something began to disappear on the Toshiba TV. I open the newspaper "RIO", I look at the ads - TV repair. I take the first available phone, 433-22-0 *, I call. The dispatcher takes the order. Please - send a normal master, not an alcoholic and not a smoker. Says good. At the appointed time, 2 men come with hefty wallets, the view is as if from the station. The first question they asked was not where is the TV, but where can I smoke. I immediately hinted to them that I did not call smokers, but the master. Get the job done and then smoke, drink, bang your head against the wall, etc. They speak, understood and went to smoke on the balcony. They repaired the TV for 3 hours, of which they smoked for 2 hours on the balcony. Fixed and guaranteed. Leaving, they gave me a bunch of damaged parts, they are the problem. After turning off the TV does not turn on again. I call again, I make a call. But there are no masters. I called for a week, then I took apart the TV set, found a malfunction and fixed it. Bad factory soldering. Even though I'm not a broadcaster.

Beware of master smokers!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

It was in the year 1986. We assembled a tube transmitter with a friend. And not just assembled, but according to the scheme from the reference book. And he does not furychit and all. Gennady "Lily of the Valley," a radio hooligan I accidentally knew, came to visit us. He looked at our suffering, turned the construction upside down, hissed with rosin, puffed on a cigarette and left a handful of soldered parts on the table. My friend suspiciously grabbed the details in his palm, turned on the equipment ... and - lo and behold - EVERYTHING WORKED !!!

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

A friend of mine came up to me a couple of months ago, declared that he was a radio amateur and asked me to recommend him some "good transistor on microcircuits" radio receiver. I helped him write out Dijen. After a couple of weeks, he says that, they say, it's time to conduct radio communications. I recommended him to purchase a transceiver, for example Kenwood, to which he replied: "What the fuck am I, what kind of transceivers should I buy, let me find a power amplifier." Trying to explain anything was useless. What to do ... fitted him with an amplifier for three GU50s. Comrade so businesslike: "And how, they say, to work with this equipment?" I told him: “You put an amplifier near the receiver, turn everything on, and when you hear someone, answer that you are such and such from Krivoy Rog. magazine and there are already QSOs with the whole world in it. "I can't imagine how he conducted his contacts ...

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

It was a long time ago. Me and my friend are 13 years old. We sat in the city park and discussed the VHF radio microphone circuit we saw in the book. A dilapidated old woman sat nearby and showed practically no signs of life, only occasionally groaning. When my friend and I got to the discussion of the transistor in this circuit, we decided to replace it with an imported one with MP41, which my friend's father had, as he says, "heaps". Then the old woman perked up, turned to us and said: "MP41 is not good - it is low-frequency, use P416, this is a deficit, nothing that the cut-off frequency is not more than 70-80 megahertz, as a self-oscillator at the VHF frequency, it will work freely." My friend and I just dropped jaws ... in grandma gives! The radio microphone was assembled on this transistor, instead of the scarce bourgeois one. And it worked great. Who was this grandmother? .. I still don’t know ...

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

One of my acquaintances, Boris, a former radio hooligan, worked on the air, seriously conspiring. He knew that they usually take bearings at night, and during the day they come to the bearing point and look for signs of a short-wave antenna. The antenna tap is clear that it enters the owner's apartment. And then the GIE with police representatives come to visit and into the apartment of the hooligan. Boris concluded that the antenna should be temporary - it needs to be removed for the day. And, of course, installation and dismantling should be convenient and fast. It's not a joke, after all - to wind back and forth 50 meters of wire. A simple constructive solution for a disposable antenna came up ... Boris leaned out of the window in the evening, before working on the air, and threw a varnished copper transformer wire with a cross section of 0,31 mm onto a nearby poplar tree. At the end was a weight for a successful cast. Not unimportant, as Boris noted, potatoes were chosen as the cargo. Because if a potato accidentally hits a window, it does not break the window glass. The wire was then stretched with a slight sag, and cut off in the morning. By autumn, Boris saw on the poplar tree that had lost its leaves a mass of dried and shriveled potatoes and copper wires hanging down like hair. The method turned out not so dangerous ...

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

It was in my youth, when my friends and I were just learning the basics of radio engineering, its little tricks and wisdom. I am sitting with a friend, and he has just begun repairing his own assembly of a tube amplifier. The amplifier, as expected, is unplugged, everything is ready: a soldering iron, boxes with parts, tin, rosin, appliances ... so everything is neatly laid out on the table. The comrade stretches his fingers to the parts of the power supply, showing me the installation and says: “I don’t like extra soldered parts for showing off! I don’t understand why these megaohm cutters are soldered to the power conduits !!! And he takes the electrolyte with his fingers. In a moment, everything laid out on the table is on the floor. My friend with eyes of five kopecks looks wildly at the amp lying on the floor. In his eyes, I catch the amateur radio insight. Empirically, he understood what these cutters were for.

 


 

Boyko Dmitry Viktorovich, Krivoy Rog

I studied at vocational school (1986-1989). In the computer science office, we had several antediluvian cabinets, as I found out - it was a computer from those times. There were also a couple of new computers in the classroom. Each lesson, our teacher babbled something about programming, we all took notes and fell asleep in pauses. The subject was not something that would be boring, but simply murderous. I decided somehow to look into this museum exhibit, into this old computer. He opened one of her drawers and saw a row of circuit boards plugged into slots. Taking out board after board and inserting them back, I considered what kind of radio components this miracle consists of. And then I noticed the transistors I needed. I think that they should disappear - I poked out. At home, applied in the schemes. over the course of a year, I took away piece by piece, generously sharing with friends. And at one of the classes, our teacher says: “And now everything that we have been learning for a year, we will translate into reality. Here, according to our jointly developed programs, we created a punched card and now insert it into a COMPUTER !!! The word “computer” was heard on so significant and important that everyone fell silent in anticipation of a miracle. The teacher approached this archaic computer and put a punched card in some slot, turned around to face the silent audience and added: "Just a few seconds and the computer will give us the result!" and shriveled up so that I was as less noticeable as possible.How did I know that transistor coffins with half-watt resistors were a WORKING COMPUTER MODEL???!!!


Valery, Omsk

They bring a small tape recorder for repair, the tape is slowly pulled out from it. The engine speed stabilizer has been assembled on placers. I measured it with a gauge and looked with an oscilloscope: everything is in perfect order, but it spins slowly. And one resistor attracted my attention, which, according to my ideas about the principle of stabilization, should have a significantly different resistance value. And he also had a noticeable non-factory soldering. I ask the client who soldered it, and he replies that he soldered it himself, took the same resistor from another tape recorder and inserted this one as well. Then he finally found out: the resistor R17 burned out in the tape recorder, the owner takes another tape recorder, removes the resistor R17 from it, which is of a different denomination, and inserts it into the first one instead of the burnt one.


Eugene, Leningrad region

One year in 94, when I often soldered various infrared perversions (such as a beam barrier up to 250 meters), a friend turned to me with a question: how to make the TV lazy work "well, with a margin, 70 meters, and , preferably, not to pull the lazy person herself? Naturally, I inquired about the need. The comrade said that he would definitely tell later, but later. Being very interested, I made him a simple amplifier (input - FD-256, output - 3 "bourgeois" LEDs, the most powerful of what was on the radio market, even the type is unknown, and even a lens with a diameter of 60 mm from the enlarger condenser. And power supply 8 elements "316". When my friend told me, I laughed for a long time. It turns out that he and his neighbor (2 private houses through the fence, 25 meters from windows to windows) had the same type of TVs. The neighbor's TV was visible through his window. And the friend all New Year's Eve , peeping through the monocular, then switched the channel to the neighbor, then turned off the sound. And after all, what did the monster think of: when the neighbor "came" to hit the TV with his fist, he did not bother him for 10 minutes. And so 10 times ... In general, at the end In the end, the TV set was in the amba.To what people will not think of, just to do something nasty to their neighbor!Moral: before you pound on the equipment with your fist, take a closer look: if a bandit's mug with a Jesuit muzzle is sticking out of the neighbor's window.

 


 

Rutman Heinrich, New York

Fault - dust

It happened in Minsk 30 years ago. I was working at that time in the television laboratory at Horizon. Once a friend asked me to repair the black-and-white TV of one of his old acquaintances. "Very dark screen, probably a tube," she said - look for now, but whatever I do - cook and have lunch. You are right after work." My friend went to help her in the kitchen, and I stayed in the room and started watching the football match of our Dynamo team. I was not a big football fan, but at that time my son Igor studied in a special class with the team and He was supposed to serve balls flying over the edge of the field. Several times he flashed, but it was very difficult to notice him on a dark screen. "Something with the brightness - I thought and twisted the regulator knob. It worked fine, but approaching the screen saw that it was covered with a thick layer of dust. And then everything immediately became clear. "You can use a rag" - I turned to the hostess and wiped the screen for her. "Oh, I didn't know you could wipe it off. They told me not to touch the screen." The TV "earned" and after that worked for several more years. Until it was replaced by the colored "Horizon".

 


 

Gubaidullin Shamil, Belebey

The story is banal and simple - 1979, just came from the army - 20 years - no experience in amateur radio other than curiosity - but a lot of radio hooligan experience - there is considerable fame in this field - from which my friend considered me an avid radio amateur, for which to fix some TV is not an issue. I can’t refuse - I even have a tester and a soldering iron - it’s not beautiful. I’m collecting not rich amateur radio belongings - I’m going with a friend to a certain gentleman of Caucasian nationality - and on the way, a friend reminds me without stopping that this is a very generous soul - of course, this greatly pleases the poor imagination! I go in - in the corner there is a black-and-white TV, 61 diagonals on such long and well, very thin legs - an element of Soviet avant-garde art - well, we are no strangers - I explain to a 40-year-old man with an accent with a burning appearance, joking with great significance with continuous meaningful silence, interrupted by short phrases like - and this should be moved there, and the chair should be put here, etc. In general, realizing that after all I can overcome the malfunction of the TV, I tune in for a pleasant cognitive repair, adjusting to a sitting position in the corner behind the TV - Suddenly, when I already started to warm up the soldering iron, I notice the owner’s toast - And listen, friend, what a fine fellow you are that you came, and come on I will feed you! And I have cognac for you from my homeland - and he shows with a broad gesture to two boxes. Who knew that cognac is not vodka - having army experience and not being able to refuse an offering - a friend is nearby - a friend wants something too !!! - I immediately took almost a glass on my chest as they brought me - the rest is their business, for some time, I thought at least they would not interfere with me and I could fix everything - in principle, everything went like that - but something went on and it’s not like that - cognac is still cognac - the head is fresh and the arms and legs are like cotton, well, respectively, the movements are similar. And when, under their cheerful exclamations, after the third glass, I felt dips into a cheerful uncontrolled space - I remember accidentally pushing the TV forward with a kinescope, from which the TV fell - but the miracle did not crash !!! This greatly amused us - including the owner - I don’t remember anything further. The next day, a friend told me how I convinced them that in Soviet televisions the issue of falling was completely thought out and included in the output control - which caused distrust in the owner and friend, which I proved by pushing the TV forward again and dropping it again and again. The repair itself was not made by me, but by some specialist from the TV studio who did not want to take it on his chest during the repair, as we did - everything was adjusted and demonstrated - after which our Georgian friend told the specialist about how TVs are checked at factories, which caused not fake mocking laughter, which comrade Georgians could not endure and, for the purpose of demonstration, pushed the TV forward - Alas, the fact that the TV could withstand a lot from drunks was not possible from sober ones - the kinescope exploded !!! The most surprising thing is that when meeting with me, the Georgian never once expressed resentment - but all the time he reminded me that the master from the TV studio is not a very good person !!!

 


 

Makhmudov Anvar Raimovich, Osh, Kyrgyzstan

It was in the early 90s, well, you all probably remember (the end of perestroika, economic reform, etc.). I was called to repair the TV by some familiar guys from ... a sobering-up station, that is, employees of the "glorious" institution of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. TV "Rassvet" had previously been repaired by some client of the establishment, but never completed the repair. I spent two whole days trying to find the reason for the signal not passing through the UPCH, the reason turned out to be a trifling break in one leg of the capacitor ... but the break was made by side cutters, and the output was hidden inside the capacitor. Well, the root cause of the TV malfunction was a break in the 150v circuit at the PTK. From this story, I concluded that sometimes very creative personalities get into the sober.

 


 

Tsiulin Alexander Nikolaevich, Chelyabinsk

This story is about electricity, although the TV was involved in it ... As a student at the Polytechnic, during the academy, I worked in the department of the Chief Power Engineer of my native institute. My mentor was a retired grandfather, Boris Martemianych. He worked all his life as a high-voltage electrician in power grids, and, having retired, he decided to "train the young". An application is received from the Faculty of Energy that there is no voltage in the sockets of the laboratory (I specify ENERGY !!!). We come, we see the outlet. There is a tee in it, it is powered by: a table lamp (on), a calculator adapter (on), a TV (not working). Martemianych asks the teacher how he determined that there is no tension. He replies that the telly, they say, does not work. Bugor asks him, who are you by rank, and the teacher says that he is an assistant professor. My mentor is in the hearts and says: "ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR, call your name ....... TV man!"

 


 

Martirosyan Karen, Yerevan

I read all the stories in one gulp, I really enjoyed it. Of course, the bread of a radio electronics engineer is not easy. And I just want to say one word: THANK YOU. Thanks to all the representatives of this profession, who really do a very important job. I myself will never forget how in childhood I was delighted with the repair of an old tube color TV. The master repaired it for three days, but fixed it (maybe electrolytes - I don’t know). Today there are already new times, new technology, but somehow we remember our old TVs that showed "in our juicier way", or what? And the masters who repaired and sometimes using heroic efforts. Thank you all. You are always wanted and needed!

 


 

Kizhaev Alexander Valerievich, Pereyaslavka

Once upon a time, while still at school, my friends and I decided to celebrate the New Year at one of them in the country. The road is long - at night, through two villages, across the river, on foot ... Frozen, but cheerful, in anticipation of the holiday without adults, finally got to the place. We fired up the oven and started cooking. Who set the table, who decorated the Christmas tree. I was entrusted with an old black-and-white TV with 61 diagonals. There was a soldering iron in the household and the only one who knew how to hold it in his hands was me. So, I must fix it, - the comrades said and left me alone with the "box". Assessing the situation, an oxidized socket was found under some kind of lamp. It's a trifling matter, but then I almost jumped for joy. I must say that at that time a familiar telemaster shared with me the secret of eliminating such malfunctions with a knife and a soldering iron. As a result of this, my home TV was repaired and, subsequently, many others. Let's watch a concert of FOREIGN pop music!! I shouted and a glass of Bear Blood appeared on the TV. Ten minutes later the mood was already "on the level" and the master told his friends about the device of the TV. Everything is very simple, the main thing is to be careful with this block and not to climb here, - I said, pointing to the high-voltage lamps. "Where where?" someone asked. "Here-a-a-a-a-ah!!!" I shouted, shaking my burned finger. It stank of singed skin and everyone realized that it was really not worth climbing there.

 


 

Kat Butler, Dnepropetrovsk

To be honest, I'm not a blonde, but I managed to visit a small, silly and pompously independent ...

I cherished my first player like the apple of my eye and took care of it accordingly. In order to save money, my dad (a rather intelligent person) soldered a power supply to the player, "so as not to throw money away on batteries." True, the power supply turned out to be a little more powerful than the player itself, and my sensible dad also took a wire with a light bulb from the Christmas tree garland from the unit, well, I think you understand why. So I listened to music: I turn it on, and my light comes on - it’s beautiful ... I eliminated the first malfunction quite quickly: I put the jumped-off belt in place. Did the same the next time. But here's the problem: after a while, the player began to pull, and the bee had absolutely nothing to do with it ... Having reasoned with my childish mind, I came to the conclusion that the player did not have enough energy. Therefore, as soon as the family sat down for dinner, I ran to the balcony, tore off the light bulb from the player and soldered the wires ... Oh, a miracle! - the player really began to work normally! It could be considered that the operation was successful, but ... I was oppressed by the remaining light bulb. As a pragmatic person since childhood, I immediately found a use for it: after soldering the wires, I plugged it into a socket ... Everyone ran to the "women". A black sun flaunted around the outlet, fragments lay on the floor, my mother held her head, and I, pressed into the closet, stood and listened to my father's story about the difference between 4,5 and 220 volts ...

 


 

Vlad Semenov, Tver

As a child, I had the opportunity to listen to the reel player "Comet MG-201M". Several people repaired the tape recorder, but no one completed it. There, the electromagnet rusted and the engine was almost exhausted. Since I really wanted to listen to old records, I undertook to at least change the belt. I did everything according to the instructions, and the "operation" was successful. However, the matter did not stop there. After working for several days, the tape recorder finally "died". The engine rotated only if the forward mode was not turned on - it was already so weakened. Then I decided to remove the flywheel in order to clean the capstan and the ball on which it rested, and take the ball and slip out. He is small, and rolled away somewhere in the space between the wardrobe and the wall. I didn't see him again. And the tape recorder had to be closed like that. Such a sad story... :) But now my dream has come true: this summer I bought an AKAI GX-286D reel deck. I watch it, wipe the heads as needed, and that's all, because there are no belts: direct drives are everywhere. So now I will not be crazy about climbing into technology.

 


 

Morskoy Alexey Sergeevich, Leipzig

Three years ago, in the city of Kyiv, I was going home. Near the house, and our house is large, there are many floors, my neighbor, an elderly woman, stops me - Oh, it's good that I met you. The day before yesterday, my TV broke down ... I look at her like she is crazy, I don’t understand anything and ask - how can I help you? So you repaired it for me for the last time. And I remember all my life. I worked as an engineer at a television center and sometimes earned money by repairing televisions. These were the famous UNT-47 - 59: "Lights", "Birches", "Ruby" and others. I also repaired colored "Rubin-01". I still remember something, but vaguely. But the last time I picked up a soldering iron was no later than 1979. And it was in 2003. Here's the quality. Televisions of that series are a kind of Kalashnikov assault rifle in household appliances.

 


 

Koval Sergey, Kagarlyk, Kyiv region

Somehow they bring me a TV - Akai 215. I ask: "What's wrong with him?" (and we have such a people - they want to repair it as if cheaper). The client says: "Yes, it works.. Only the screen is black!".

 


 

Sasha Polin, Vuktyl

While on vacation in my village, I had to repair "ROLSEN", 72 diagonally. In the house - God knows how, but ... "ROLSEN"! The owner - a big pretentious, all the time in a shabby dressing gown - from him directly breathes aristocracy and originality. The telly could spontaneously turn on, switch from channel to channel: in general, it lived its own life (also an aristocrat, to match the owner, but he didn’t like it and seemed to be a malfunction). There is no scheme, no Internet, no experience in "ROLSEN" - 0, pocket tool. I'm going to the city - Internet cafe - "forum" - advice. I come, I determine - I need a detail. Owner: "You're a television technician or a plumber who's always out of gaskets." I retort: ​​"It's not darning socks ..." I'm going to the city, I bring the detail ... - not something. The owner looks at me like I'm mishandled. I told him: "I've been doing this business for 30 years, but it happens." I'm going to the city. Internet - forum - advice - I got the scheme, I do not close the topic. I arrived, I sit for half a day, I say that I still need to go to the city in the "forum". The owner looked at me sizzling and snobbishly, went to the TV and with the words "TO ME ALSO A TV MASTER!" cracked this bandura on the floor! In the "forum" I said that the problem is solved and the topic is closed.

 


 

Oleg Melnik, Kiev

Once a godfather introduced me to a lovely creature. Time passes, the creature calls on the phone and asks to watch TV - breaks the footage. I come, it really breaks with heating. I change the zener diode - it works. Call after an hour - breaks. I come the next day, turn it on and wait for a breakdown. Eight hours I am engaged in conversations, a feast, love, finally, it works. In the evening I go home, an hour later the call breaks. And it’s already reluctant to repair and I had to go there more often so that people could watch TV.

 


 

Tishchenko Igor

I read the story of Anatoly from Yekaterinburg and remembered something from my practice. Five years ago, remote controls for imported equipment were in terrible short supply. The chief turned, asks - help, the remote control was eaten by a dog (!). Shows - yes, indeed, the floor of the remote control is missing, the keyboard and elastic band are eaten, the rest is gnawed. Thank God, the microcircuit is intact and works (!) - the dog did not swallow it. At first, I figured out where the lines and columns were, soldered a piece of board with clean buttons to the stub, gave it to the boss to write on them with a marker, what happens on the TV when you press them. After that, it's a matter of technology - a suitable case from the Soviet remote control (which the dog is no longer too tough for) and a stub with wires inside ... It still works, now with the former boss.

 


 

Kryukov Maxim Sergeevich, Moscow

I once had an interesting story. I was working on a tricky-looking high-voltage device powered by a conventional microwave oven transformer. The appearance of the device - a bunch of capacitors, several coils, a contactor from an elevator and some black object - did not inspire confidence either in me or the guys around me. Having decided that 1 kW at 2.3 kV is clearly too much for a test run, I decided to limit the power by the simplest method - to put a resistor in series with the primary transformer. I didn’t find a suitable resistor, but I came across an impressive-looking capacitor - 100 uF 3 kV. Deciding that the capacitor in the 220 network is the same resistor, without hesitation, I stuffed it in series with the primary of the transformer. Imagine how surprised I was when, when I turned on this circuit, the lights in my room went out and everything buzzed wildly. The effect of the "goat" in 220 was obvious. Realizing that something was wrong here, I decided to turn off the system, after which I measured the voltage remaining on the capacitor. Expecting to see no more than 310 V, I was rather surprised to see a residual voltage of 1.7 Kilovolts! :) I wish all radio amateurs to get into resonance just as beautifully, only where it is needed!

 


 

Kolesnikov Andrey Sergeevich

Somehow, on New Year's Eve, my friend decided to hang a garland of light bulbs in front of his porch. I took a box of 36-volt light bulbs and the work went! As it came to connecting - I had to go up to the apartment. While walking - someone managed to steal a box with light bulbs! Well, what to do - stolen, well, okay! Time passes, the doorbell rings. On the threshold of an old neighbor, she says: "I bought a box of light bulbs at the market. I screw it in - and they all shoot," and shows him the box.

That's how the thief exposed himself!

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

How I repaired the TV for the head of the depot.

It was in those wild times when the country was collapsing, everything was falling down and I wanted to eat. Then I went to any clients, just to survive. The apartment was chic, the uncle was big and cheerful, with jokes. All around was luxury, beauty and blunders. I warmed up from the cold and was delighted, how beautiful it is - now they will give tea, feed me. But the reality was harsh. After two hours of torment with a small-sized 25 cm color TV set, on the floor, terribly dirty and covered with a layer of cat hair, I finally got indignant and demanded a table for work, but was rebuffed. I was asked to work faster, in the same place. I wanted to eat and I said what I would do at home. To which they were all delighted and gave me all guarantees for payment. I made this TV three days in a row. Everything was intact there, only all the electrolytes had dried up, and there were 60 of them. After replacing all of them with imported ones, even tuning was not required - the TV showed like new. The kinescope was great. And now, at the moment of completion of the work, this uncle calls and says that nothing needs to be done, he found a place where they will do it for nothing. In response, I told him that I had done everything, that I had worked for three days and that I had to pay for the work and details. He told me to bring the device and they would pay only the minimum for the work, he would not pay for the parts. When I came to them furious and did educational work with him, about 20 minutes, I did not achieve anything. I was paid only pennies for my work. They refused to pay for parts. Whatever I didn’t say, as soon as I didn’t insult this uncle, he smiled and said: “I’d rather buy beer with this money.” Attempts to call to conscience his wife, a tough businesswoman, also did not lead to anything. Now, when I get into very beautiful apartments, I'm not happy anymore - it's not mine. It's theirs. And the prettier they are, the less they will pay me. That's what they live.

 


 

Sharymov Alexander ViktorovichUlyanovsk

Somehow my friend Eduard calls me: "Sasha, I bought a TV here a week ago, a large Philips 25 inches" "Well," I say, "congratulations" "Yes, there is nothing to congratulate, it broke down, something inside squeaks and that's it" "Is there a guarantee?" "Yes," he says. "So what's the matter? Bring it to the store" "Yes, it's no problem, I'll take it away. Only I have a question for you: could he pull himself out of the socket, is there new technologies to overload and all that?" I say: "Don't understand? How from the outlet?" "Well, I came for dinner, and he was pulled out of the socket" "So the wife, probably?" "No, the wife could not, probably he himself!"

Here are such smart telly gone!

 


 

Godun Vladimir Ilyich, St. Petersburg

I lived in Abkhazia for four years in the town of Gudauta. Beautiful place. TV repair was like a hobby. One morning there was a knock at our door very early. It was an elderly woman who, having bowed, called me to her to repair the TV. I couldn't refuse her. At that time, a strong thunderstorm passed, and thunderstorms in Abkhazia are very strong. The antenna was on a very high mast, well then there were no antenna amplifiers, otherwise we would have to climb up. The repair was hard. The TV was struck by a thunderstorm in many places. But what was most striking was that this woman put a chair next to the TV and did not go anywhere. I tried to talk to her, but she did not enter into conversations, she just watched me work. Psychologically, it weighed heavily on me. There was no circuit, there were many defects, and on the second day of such hypnosis, my hand broke and I closed the microcircuit leads with a probe from the oscilloscope, of course it was knocked out. I went home in a bad mood and found this chip with difficulty (in those days it was a rarity). For the first time I could not sleep for a long time, I was nervous, I had nightmares. Finally, on the third day, I finished him off, earned their TV. But the woman did not leave my side all these three days. I also made a refrigerator for them that evening, and the antenna had to be lowered and put in place. They paid me royally, I left with two cans of fine wine, made for myself, so viscous, thick and tasty from the Isabella variety, which I have never met anywhere else. All my life I remember that wine, but all my life I remember that woman who sat next to me for three days.

 


 

Gromov Viktor Petrovich, Samara

One interesting story comes to mind. An ancient old man, all bearded and always with a large backpack on his back, often came to our store selling radio components and computer parts. He was such a terribly reckless radio amateur, he came often, but he rarely bought, and then something exotic. And always at the same time, with our help, he took off a heavy backpack from his shoulders, untied it for a long time, put the purchase on top and carefully tied it for a long time. Once, in my opinion on February 23, we, having grown bolder after "strong tea" on the occasion of the men's holiday, could not resist and asked him what he constantly wears in his backpack. The answer was simple - a computer. We were terribly surprised: How, that there are already portable ones? (that was a very long time ago). "What a portable, portable - I have a Pentium 133 there," my grandfather grumbled. Why he carried it with him remains a mystery to us.

 


 

Svyatenko Valery IvanovichSumy

I worked at a TV rental shop. And somehow, before the New Year holidays, a middle-aged woman comes to us and asks: "Can you rent a TV? I need a big, good color TV like that." “How much does the rental cost?” she asks. "Here are the tariffs", - we show the price list. “So, guys,” the woman says, “I don’t need a TV for a year, I don’t even need a month! How much will it cost for a week?” We were stunned: "How is it - for a week?" She explains: “Yes, matchmakers come to us for the holidays, they will see that we don’t have a color TV - they will look down on us.” We laughed: “Well, take it. She came with someone, takes the telly. And I joke: "Maybe you need something else? Is there a refrigerator or a vacuum cleaner?" She saw my smile, she said: "Yes, it would be nice ... Ah, here are some more books to borrow from the neighbors! I'll go through them in the evening!"

 


 

Vakhrameev Alexander Vladimirovich, Otradny, Samara region

In the mid-70s, all radio amateurs worked part-time on repairing TVs. This fate did not spare me either. We traveled through the villages, took orders and repaired on the spot. Somehow the chairman of one of the state farms addresses me about the strong hum of the TV. And we have already accepted a little, of course, the client is not the first. Let's go to it, turn it on, it's buzzing. Many people know this problem: the trance bandage is loose. I tell the owner - bring a hammer and a chisel. He looked sly and left. He brought a chisel and a healthy hammer. They opened it, set a chisel and bang. I look, and the owner is standing with his eyes closed. The TV was on and immediately stopped beeping. What happened next ... The owner says that he could not even imagine what tool can be used to repair TVs. The amount of gratitude was beyond measure. A huge box on top of huge chicken eggs, a ham, a smoked goose, well, moonshine after. Here is a repair.

 


 

Karpenko Boris Anatolievich, Semiluki

Once I had to repair the old Rainbow 738, lamp. I came to the application, the malfunction is very interesting: when the network is turned off, the TV makes strange sounds, and when it is turned on, it shows, but is silent. I open the lid. And there - a mouse family, as many as 12 pieces! The braid of wires was gnawed in some places, and the dynamics - the entire diffuser. By the way, TV still works, despite the age.

 


 

Anatoly, Ekaterinburg

It was 5 years ago. SAMSUNG PROGUN was advertised on TV back then. A friend from work contacted me. He says a relative broke one. It turned out: a relative two weeks ago bought this new advertised TV. My wife and I watched, could not get enough. One late evening, he came home well eaten. The wife was watching a movie. A scandal began: “Where are you hanging around?!”, “I work hard, and you just watch TV!” etc. etc. In short, he took this SAMSUNG in an armful and, directly without turning it off, threw it from the balcony of the 4th floor. Then, when the stress passed, he changed his mind, went down and collected what was left of him. Surprisingly, the kinescope was not damaged. I pulled out the board, collected all the pieces and parts. He took off the kinescope and said: "Solder the body as you like." At home, for two evenings, I collected a fee for puzzles. Heavy parts escaped with meat, numerous fractures, well, in general, quiet horror. I collected the entire board on the wiring, the lineman had to be hung up. They soldered the body. In the end, when everything was put together, the TV, to my surprise and their delight, started working! By the way, then this customer helped me out a couple of times (he worked then in the traffic police, and I was just learning to drive a car). And once again there was something similar. One comrade turned: look, he says, the remote control, maybe something can be done. He is a frail guy, but he had a fight with his wife. In short, he took the remote control with both hands and broke it in half, like a straw. Moreover, the remote control was not at all thin. With quiet sadness, I looked at the two halves, then at this comrade and said: "It's better to buy a new one." This is how TVs help us deal with stress...

 


 

Nakhaev Alexander Nikolaevich, Roslavl, Smolensk region

It was a long time ago. About 20 years ago. I was still in school then. But I was already into electronics. Back then, discos were still very popular. I assembled a running lights circuit on the reverse register 555IR11A. The scheme is of course simple, but my knowledge then was appropriate. Here is the diagram I put together. And it doesn't work quite right. It runs normally in one direction, and when you switch to the other, it runs to the end and stops. I spent the whole evening tinkering with her, and nothing came of it. And at night I had a dream. And I dreamed of a diagram of this thing, and suddenly I saw so clearly the very wiring on the diagram that connects the end of the register to the beginning. In the morning I immediately rushed to the circuit. Indeed, this connection was missing from my circuit. Naturally, everything worked fine after the appropriate adjustment. And I've been remembering this incident for years now. Indeed, the morning is wiser than the evening.

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

In May 2004, I told the story: (I open 3USCT - there is a mouse nest in the corner, the speaker cone served as the material. The story was repeated 4 times, and strictly in winter) But I forgot to add then that I didn’t say anything to the owner because there were 2 tiny, naked mice. After changing the speaker, after the calculation, I left. Probably because of this, this ARK existed for 4 years.

 


 

Vasiliev Vladimir Ivanovich, Lviv

The client brings the TV: "Will you fix it?" “What about him?” I ask. "Yes, probably, the processor is acting up," - he answers, - "There are no graphics on the remote control" "And why did you decide that it was the processor?" "And when I hit the TV with my fist, the graphics appear. So, this processor is junk!"

 


 

Sergei, Vinnitsa

New Year, around 18 pm. We are repairing a video camera for a belated client. Everything is already under steam, the cassette jammed in the video recorder. The comrade closes the LED with his finger, at this moment the shaft is loaded and the finger jams! Everything is neither here nor there. The director comes in. Oil painting: Vidic hangs on the finger, blood, horror in our eyes! And with a cry of "THROW IT OUT, OR IT WILL CUT EVERYONE!" jumped out of the workshop!

 


 

Vakhrameev A.V., Otradny, Samara region

We met Valera in a TV studio. The salary of a radio mechanic was not a luxury, although I had the highest rank in the OKN communications office. The second son was born, and more and more money was needed. I performed the duties of a radio engineer, but not because I studied at KEIS, these duties were imposed on me earlier. There was a very talented engineer there, but he increasingly went into drinking bouts, the boss could not stand it and changed places for us, he was not offended, but soon died of drinking. I decided to try to earn extra money repairing TVs, since this area was also well known to me, like radio and radio communications, from childhood, I came to the TV studio with an offer of my services. I was openly treated with distrust. I said that there was no problem for me with radio and television equipment, and was immediately greeted with laughter. They called the chief engineer. He immediately issued his decision. The chief engineer turned to the receiver, somewhere you have a receiver that you have not been able to make for more than a year, give it to this 'specialist' and let's look at his abilities. They gave me a workplace with a tool and everyone left. After a few minutes after switching on, I already knew exactly the reason, and which part needed to be replaced. (At that time, I had an exchange rate - SSB transiver with triple frequency conversion and a digital communication synthesizer, that is, according to the received frequency of the SSB signal, the local oscillator produced an absolutely accurate frequency for the desired reception band). I went to the warehouse, got the right capacitor, replaced it, adjusted the IF circuit, and informed the inspector that everything was ready. The council assembled immediately. We checked that the sensitivity of the receiver was like a new one, everything was received on all bands. The chief engineer immediately dragged me to his office. We got to know each other, it turns out that he had just arrived in Otradny by appointment after graduation. When he found out who I work for and where, all his doubts were blown away like the wind. Then we became inseparable friends, then became friends with families.

 


 

Makarov Alexey Valentinovich, Chelyabinsk

I meet at the bus stop of my old friend, we were neighbors a long time ago. We got talking. He complained about the breakdown of his TV, I volunteered to fix it. I come to him - I see an old lamp ruin. I ask: "Well, how is it, for so many years you have not bought yourself something newer!" He replies: “I saved up $ 300 in good times. I went to the store, I wanted to buy a TV, but I regretted the money. Then I came, I think I’ll buy a video camera, but again I spared the money. So I didn’t buy a music center, and they offered me a moped. And I spent the money on trifles. Now I regret it: I would have had a TV, and a video camera, and a music center with a moped ... "

 


 

Zemtsov Anatoly Ivanovich, Lipetsk

It was in the days of the glorious USSR. I worked as a line technician in a subscription shop. Televisions, of course, are very often tube ULPCT. And on one such application, under the watchful eye of the owners (father, mother and daughter), I pulled out the power supply from the TV, if anyone remembers, it was heavy, 10 kilograms, the defect was in it. Well, according to the good old habit, I began to discharge electrolytes with a screwdriver, because you will have goals. There are 7-8 of them. One after another click-click, and suddenly ... ba-baaahhh! One of them explodes! Clubs of white smoke, I'm in foil, the owners are in shock. Silent scene. I opened my eyes, I looked, people with open mouths were looking not at me, but somewhere behind me, and their eyes were even more rounded. Naturally, I look around, a grandmother is standing in the doorway, nothing special, however, in a nightgown. The point of this story is this. It turns out that this grandmother had been lying paralyzed for six months. I fixed that TV set, and at the same time, therefore, my grandmother. This is shock therapy...

 


 

Zemtsov Anatoly Ivanovich, Lipetsk

I remember that at the end of the stagnant years I worked as a process engineer in a television studio. I also went through the school of a simple telemaster, but I never heard anything like that. Once, towards the end of the working day, one enraged, to put it mildly, comrade showed up to us with a cry of "What ... you are sending me all kinds of ...!" well and further in the text. Of course, I do my best to reassure my comrade, saying, they say, only specialists with diplomas work for us, etc. When the comrade calmed down, it turned out that a newly-made telemaster had just come from vocational school to apply for him. Without further ado, he asked for a diagram from the TV (without even going into the room where he was standing), having received it, he retired to the toilet. After 15 minutes, he came out of the toilet and said that it was impossible to fix this device at home and retreated while the owner was recovering from such impudence. These are the graduates.

 


 

Karlov Viktor Mikhailovich, Krasnodar

A neighbor in the dacha comes up to me, looks so kindly in the eyes: “Would you like to watch my TV set, huh? ..” I say: “I mean, did it break, or what?” "Well, yes, it's broken..." "What's wrong with him?" I ask. “Yes, you see, we sat down yesterday, crushed two liters of beer for four, then a bottle of vodka for three, then a bottle of cognac for two ... Then, I remember, I also drank wine ...” “And then what?”, I ask . "And in the morning I woke up - the TV was lying on the floor, broken" "So why look at it? You need to throw it away"

 


 

Sergei, St. Petersburg

It was in the city of Murmansk, in the year 92-93. I worked as a sales assistant in a currency store. We went on sale a pair of terribly heaped, for those times, Panasonic TVs, 72 diagonal, white (!) Color, sound 5,5. I changed the sound. Translated manual. It turned out that the inclusion is password-protected. He put the TV in the trading floor. The beauty. Anechka worked for us, a very trusting girl from the clothing department. Somehow he comes to work, grabs the remote control, presses ... I explain: "Japanese equipment, speech recognition program." I put the remote control to my mouth, say my last name, quietly dial the three digits of the password. Turned on! I turn it off. Anechka takes the remote control. And with a breath: "Evseeva-Ev-f-seeva-Evseevaaa ..."

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

Far 1979. A novice telemaster, without education, inquisitive, hired with a probationary period, on the road to the villages (autumn, slush, darkness) wanders (after 21 pm and 10 applications a day) to the last one, so that tomorrow morning he can catch the AN-2 plane (1 ruble ticket) and be at home. I go, DED, "Horizon" b / w, the warranty does not glow. A curious grandfather peeks over his shoulder, and I, in order to satisfy CURIOSITY, reason out loud. "But I don't have such a part, but we'll put a similar one," GFka flew, which feeds U from the personnel to the accelerating kinescope. I put a simple KD105, the TV worked. Suddenly GRANDFATHER steps aside, hands on hips and announces: "If you do it, then do it for real, they send hacks here, and then the TVs explode." I told him "Will work - checked." GRANDFATHER in any. I drink KD105. - "I'll come back in a month, I'll bring my native part" I'm leaving for the night, they slammed so much more into my back that I couldn't carry it away. Not all. The next day, DED (a great veteran - he was at war for 2 days) announced at a session of the village council that he would write to the telemaster in the OBKhSS. The secretary in the village council calls the KBO, that they wrote to the OBKhSS about Polina, from the KBO they call my boss that Polina is engaged in the OBKhSS. The CHIEF comes to the shop, I go to him with a question: "When will you send me for improvement (and this is in Rostov)". He told me: "Sorry. We are waiting for documents from the OBKhSS" So I am still SELF-Taught. Well, a month later, I still inserted KD105 to DED, only silently, and I didn’t see him again, even though I went to this village for more than 10 years. This is how careers are ruined.

 


 

Sharychev Alexey Vladimirovich, Sovietsky, Tyumen region (KhMAO)

A guy brings me a mobile phone for repair, unfortunately I don’t remember which one. To the question - "what's wrong with him?" - answered: “My charger broke down and I didn’t find one in stores, but I found an auto charger for my model, cut off the cigarette lighter at home, attached a plug - and into the 220 V network” What the poor mobile phone had inside - it had to be seen !!!

 


 

Shamonin Andrey Viktorovich, Kurgan

It was in the mid 80s. I became interested in radiosport, worked on the transceiver for half a year, got a call sign. The transceiver is assembled on the table - where on the boards, where it is hanging, all around a blockage of parts, tools. I put on headphones with a microphone in anticipation of the first communication session, I press the transmission pedal ... what is it? There is no signal. Understood something with the gear pedal. I put my head under the table to figure it out. Hooray, I found it! That's the reason - one of the wires dangling everywhere got into the gap of the pedal and does not work the button. I impatiently pull the harmful wire, press the pedal to check and at that moment I feel a terrible pain in the neck. Aaaaa!... E.... yours!... - I shouted, tearing off the fallen soldering iron with the skin from my bare neck (it was his wire stuck in the pedal). This is how radio amateurs heard my voice for the first time on the air. :)

 


 

D. Weisburd, Moscow

A friend of mine has a phone number that looks like the phone number of a travel agency. The agency is often called and often mistaken and get to him. He tried for a long time to get rid of these erroneous calls and finally found a way out. I bought some cool phone with caller ID and an answering machine, and one that recognizes tones and gives different messages on them. Now, if you call him from a phone that is not in the "white list", you hear the message: "Hello. If you call a travel agency, please put your phone in tone dialing mode and press "1" If you press "1", another message is displayed : "Thanks. Now put your phone back into pulse dialing and go to ..., because this is not ... a travel agency and there is nothing to call here!"

 


 

Todorov Eduard Vasilievich, Arkhangelsk

I'm in for a TV repair. I open the TV - all rummaged. Some unfortunate master has already been here before me. I ask the owner: "And who repaired your telly?" "Yes, my friend. Once we worked together at a construction site." "Why didn't he finish the renovation?" "Yes, there was not enough drinking for him!" "How is that not enough?" - I'm surprised. “It wasn’t enough, I went home for it and something doesn’t come, maybe I got sick ...” the owner explains. I figured it was solder. But, perhaps, the master of the house added, so the repair had to be put aside. Such a play on words!

 


 

Nozdrin Dmitry Gennadievich, Odessa

I came across such a message on the Samsung forum :)

"Microwaver Swears.

I bought a microwave 297 and there were a number of inconveniences. 1. A small network cable of 20 cm is not normal. 2. The clock on the screen during the day is not visible at all, how is it? 3. And at the end of the most interesting, today, a week after the purchase, I decided to move it a little bit and she slid the currents so well that it came to my feet. I love this feature so much."

 


 

Polunin Alexander Vladimirovich, Uzhhorod

I sit somehow at the client's house, poking around on the TV. He passes by and says: "You are watching, do not forget something on the TV when you close it. A soldering iron is there or something else." I smile: "Don't worry, I'm a TV technician, not a surgeon!" Well, I made a telly, received the money and went home. And on the threshold of his house, he suddenly remembered that conversation. And he realized: where is my device? I go home, climb into the suitcase: it’s true: the device is not visible! And then the phone rings. I pick up the phone - the same customer: "Sasha, you forgot your device with me." My heart skipped a beat.. "Where?" - I ask. "Really on TV???" "No, what are you! On the table!"

 


 

Makhov Alexey Igorevich, Kostomuksha, Karelia

The other day I went to a village to fix TV sets after drunken electricians. One man invites me into the house and says: "Please look at what burned out on the TV, write me a list of burnt parts, but do not repair." I say: "Why is that?" The answer was so unsophisticated: "And in order not to pay money, then I will buy them myself and solder them." Usually in such cases I send where it is clear. And then I got to have some fun. I opened a TV (DAEWOO, 5-7 years old), wrote down the brands of the processor, video processor, lineman, took out a catalog, looked at what else was more expensive from the available parts and gave it to the owner. Let it burn :-))

 


 

Gribach Mikhail Ivanovich, Kaluga

I'm going to the market somehow. My brother (and he works in a cool company) says to me: "Listen, I'll give you our advertising disks, if you're in the market, give it to the people. Isn't it difficult for you?" I say: "No, it's not difficult. Give us your floppy disks." He gave me a pack of floppy disks. I come to the market and let people poke. And the people are looking at me in fear, they shy away from the disks. I say: "Take it, it's free!" Nobody takes. I barely squeezed in two or three acquaintances, and brought the rest home. I say to my brother: "You know, the police wanted to take away my floppy disks, I barely fought them off. So for now, let's postpone your advertising campaign, okay?" :)

 


 

Khashiev Danil Andreevich, Ivanovo

Called, invited to repair the telly. I came to the address - the young mistress opens. I go into the room, put the suitcase on the table. I start to give my best: a soldering iron, a tester, side cutters, a screwdriver, tweezers ... etc. Then I take out a soap dish where I keep solder and rosin and a toothbrush with which I wash my boards. The hostess silently monitors my preparations for repairs, and then declares: "Are you going to spend the night with us ???" I say: "Is it you who scored a lot, prepared for a serious repair?" And she replies: "No, I see you took soap and your toothbrush with you !!!"

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

I come to the application, and the TV has 2 power cords. The owner says that there was already a telemaster, but he did not. I open it, and the second cord is a soldering iron, forgotten by the previous master. I wonder what condition he was in.

 


 

Malyshev Alexey Sergeevich, Uren, Nizhny Novgorod region

This was back in the early 90s. I come home somehow from an application, and my brother says: "A young man came here for you, he wanted to take the telly to fix it." Well, I check with him just in case: "Is the telly a tube or semiconductor one?". To which this most familiar proudly utters: "We are not some suckers, we have a FULLY WIRED TV!"

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

I traveled with repairs in the villages. I come to the call, the sound gradually weakened. I open 3USCT - in the corner there is a mouse nest, the speaker cone served as the material. History repeated itself 4 times, and strictly in winter.

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

Again, I'm going to repair the villages. I come to the call - there is sound, there is no image. They say: "The TV set is new, probably the screen has sat down." Turned on - purrs, sounds, does not stink. I took it apart - my hand sticks to the kinescope. He licked his finger, rubbed the kinescope - a ray of light broke through. Took soap with a rag - and the whole repair. But they need to be forgiven: they have 3 cows, 2 bulls, 10 rams, chickens are not measured, and food for them is boiled, cooked, chopped and crumbled in this room.

 


 

Polin Alexander Andreevich, Vuktyl

I come to repair the TV, I open it - inside is a 50-ruble bill (it was back in those days). I ask the owner: "What is this, my fee?" The owner (with undisguised delight): "And I've been looking for this stash for a month already. I've been lurking in the future." He paid me for the repair and washed the repair of the TV. Not always a failure.

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

I fixed my TV a month ago. The renovation was strange. The call was repeated, the first time I repaired this TV for them three years ago. The TV was repaired according to the "a la overhaul" method. This is when you vacuum everything, then completely disassemble it into separate boards, put these boards in a pile and start soldering one by one (with old TVs, which are 15-20 years old, only this technique, you will still come to this), along the way, each board is checked , without soldering, electrolytes to the ESR parameter (if it is more than 5 ohms, then the capacitor must be changed to an imported one), then after replacing (about 50-60 pieces) electrolytes, everything is assembled again on the frame and, when turned on, another 2 or 3 defects , then the TV is tuned with the Laspi TV generator and starts to show how Japanese is 5 or 7 years old, I don’t know for sure, they almost never called again, unless in a month or two the client’s electrolyte dries up from among those not replaced by you, well you can’t change them 100%, that’s beyond any limits. Such repairs were made by me for poor people, who have this TV set the only and last one and usually 2USCT with a tube 61LK4Ts (it is very strong and only it shows 20 years). Such a repair takes 2 or 3 days and is very difficult, I did a lot of such things, and I regret that I did not spare my health, in my old age it turned out that tin, lead and rosin fumes are toxic.

Well, enough about TV repair techniques, let's start about the boy. The call was due to a defect: no sound. I considered the defect simple and tuned in for an easy repair. When I arrived and turned on the TV, there was no sound and the entire picture was filled with blue. I started with a sound, this boy (the son of the hostess, 14-15 years old) was sitting behind him all the time. In fact, people sitting behind me and watching what I do always annoy me and interfere with my concentration, and usually I drive them away, politely. But this time I endured, I felt something strange in the behavior of this boy. He sat silently and stubbornly did not leave. Well, okay, I thought maybe this is good: let him look, maybe when he joins the technique. But, apparently in vain, I didn’t immediately kick him out - without him, I would quickly find a defect. Time passed, you know, a cool specialist, with a bunch of instruments, with an oscilloscope, with a generator, who repaired more than one hundred TV sets, could not repair the sound. I began to boil, and the boy sat silently. I was already walking around the fifth circle, I could not find a defect, but the boy was still sitting. Everything worked, everything was in order, but there was no sound. The ULF worked separately, I rummaged through everything in the UPCH module, but at the control point from the UPCH output there was no sound sine wave passing through the entire path (from the Laspi generator). At the same time, the sound adjustment voltage varied within a small range from 3.2 volts to 3.3, but it should have changed within a small range, though from 3.2 to 3.6 volts. But I did not pay attention to such trifles. I went in circles and circles again, boiling and boiling more and more. And the boy sat and sat and was silent. It lasted about two hours, I kept walking in circles around the malfunction, and the boy was sitting silent. Finally, I realized that something was not right here. I asked him "What are you doing here?" He answered me that nothing, he just replaced the volume control (the sound became quiet and he replaced it himself, so as not to pay the telemaster). Seeing the resistor he replaced made me furious. Yes, it was a resistor, yes it was a variable resistor, but it was 470 ohms, not 4K7, that is, ten times less. The adjustment voltage did not change because of it up to 3,6 volts, but only up to 3,3. Further, events developed rapidly: I instantly replaced the variable resistor with 4K7, a powerful sinusoid appeared at the output of the UPCH, but the sound from the ULF was quiet. I pulled out the sound board and, without soldering, found a dried electrolyte with an ESR meter (from unreplaced 20% electrolytes) and the sound appeared fine. In response to my morals and notations, why did he get into the TV himself, the boy said that he had a similar (in appearance) resistor and he considered it his duty to put it on himself. I, the old one, could not even think that after me, the "famous master", someone would climb into the TV set I was repairing and insert the wrong part. Having ruled out this option, I was forced to walk in circles in search of a malfunction, and the boy sat silently behind me. There he is, boy.

Be afraid of the boys sitting behind you.

 


 

Mylnikov Andrey Alexandrovich, Novosibirsk

I, as a radio amateur, sometimes repair household equipment. A year ago I repaired a TV set of the Izumrud brand, a black-and-white TV set 15-17 years ago, which was produced at that time by the Novosibirsk Electrosignal plant. The problem was that when turned on, the TV did not show any signs of life, if you listen, you could only hear the characteristic very quiet hum of the mains transformer. After spending two hours checking the power supply, I was about to turn to my friend, a highly qualified master, for help, but ... All components were in good order, but there was no voltage from the output. Getting up from the table, I inadvertently dropped the power supply filter circuit board. Raising it, I saw a noticeable, one might say microscopic crack in the track, which just passes in the place where there is a fairly large electrolytic capacitor. Having eliminated this malfunction, I was surprised to note that the TV worked without showing any more defects. And the whole point was, as it turned out later, that the owners of this TV dropped it to the floor from a 2-meter height (how did it not crash all?!). By the way, it still works great for them, they don’t drop it anymore.

That's how TVs were made!

 


 

Zhukov Sergey Alekseevich, c. Kinel-Cherkassy. Samara region

They brought a mobile phone for repair (it burned out on food - the wrong charger was connected). I soldered a microcircuit, small, 5 legs. There was no replacement, I threw it into the case and collected it so as not to lose it. While I was gone, the owner comes, sees the assembled phone and takes it away. A couple of days later he comes, thanks for the repair. He says that it works fine and he has already sold it. He only complained that something was rattling inside!

 


 

Moseev Yury Viktorovich, Cherepovets

Before starting repairs, the hostess asks: "Do you use a soldering iron?" "Of course!" - I answer. "And the boards do not deteriorate from this?" I, holding back a smile, quite seriously say: "They are deteriorating. Only otherwise the TV cannot be repaired." The hostess sighs bitterly. "So how?" - I ask - "Repair the telly?" The hostess, still with great anguish in her voice, waved her hand: "Chini-i-ite! .."

 


 

Pridantsev Alexander Ivanovich, Moscow

It was a long time ago, TVs were still black and white then. An uncle from the village writes: "I would come to visit, watch TV or something - there is sound, then no ..." And just then my vacation rolled up, got ready, grabbed an instrument, drove off. I arrive - the TV is on. I ask: "What did they write then?" And the uncle's wife (he was at work on the collective farm at that time) says that my uncle, when he was tired of suffering from the TV, being drunk, grabbed it and threw it out the window, into the garden. And when I overslept, I felt sorry, brought the TV, turned it on - it works and there is sound! So I didn’t fit into the TV and the sound was normal for many years afterwards. Then, after many years, the electricians mixed up the voltage and applied 220 volts instead of 380 volts to the network ... And the TV burned out ...

 


 

Saushkin Oleg Vladimirovich, Ekaterinburg

The owner of the TV, which I repaired, asks: "How is it better to pay you off - in money or what?" I say: "Or how - is it how?" He: “Well, with a chicken, for example. I recently paid a master plumber with a chicken.” I thought and said: “You know, I don’t go to the bazaars, I don’t understand about chickens: is it good or bad, is it sick, is it old?” He waved his hands: "No, you're certainly not old!" I say: "Let's get better with money - I understand them better than chickens and I can distinguish between old and new!"

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

Bought two boys a new computer. They sit quietly and rejoice. A neighbor flies in and shouts from the doorway: "Yeah, they bought a computer! What Windows 1 or Windows 2 do you have? Is the Internet built-in?"

 


 

Novik Andrey Sergeevich, Smolensk

I repaired a TV series ULPCT. Well, I did almost everything, it remains only to adjust the convergence of the rays. Everything would be fine if TVK was well attached to this damn TV, but someone had already removed it before me and didn’t fix it normally. And this TVK in the TV set from time to time began to vibrate and buzz, which really got on my nerves. I'm standing in front of this TV and spinning dynamic mixing. The silence in the room is so deathly, only you can hear how the lineman squeaks softly, and then this stupid TVK buzzed again, but since I'm a lazy person, I decided to push him to shut him up. I myself stood in front of the TV and acted in the blind. Well, when I removed my hand, I accidentally touched the anode cap of the 6P45S lamp. How I was then fucked up, I already sat on the floor! His eyes darkened, goosebumps ran all over his body. So I sat, probably for a minute, but then recovered. The first thing I felt was a severe headache. The TV was moved from the bedside table by 1/3 and rested against the wall (if not for the wall, it would have fallen to the floor and probably crashed). It was scary to look at my hand. The hand was almost covered in blood, and the little finger was blue in places, black in places and burned in places. The block scanner is a completely different story. Lamp 6P45S (poor lamp) was broken, and its insides were bent (I apparently did it with her hand). The edge of the scanner was also covered in blood. There was a soldering iron, a multimeter, an oscilloscope and other tools lying on the floor near the TV, which had fallen off the TV, but fortunately nothing was broken. Here is such a story. But I still made a TV and it has worked for almost a year and a half.

 


 

Sabirov Andrey Viktorovich, Omsk

I come to repair the Soviet telly. I open it, sit down, poke around. The owner, a pensioner, shuffles up to me and holds out the TV passport with an attached diagram: "Here are the documents for the TV, everything is in order." I take my passport, open it, and there are three Soviet dozens. The old man saw them, froze in place. Tears in my eyes: “I once looked for this stash! My friend and I gathered for a walk then, I hid the money from my wife and hid it. broken?!!" I answer, smiling: "These are so reliable, grandfather, TV sets used to be made!" The old man just spat in annoyance. :)

 


 

Bandalak Georgy Mikhailovich, Chisinau

I am a radio engineer by trade, but have never done any outside repair work. I practice amateur radio only for myself. And then recently, at a new place of residence, our neighbor, having learned that I understand electrics, asked me to watch her TV. A very sweet old woman, our families became friends and I could not refuse her. Went to see. The TV seems to be Temp or Slavutich Ts208. I only have a Ts4317 tester and a "cold" tool. The owner says that the TV has not been working for about 2 years. I dug around for about half an hour and restored (dry contacts in the socket, a blown fuse, it seems on the line scan board) the image, and then the sound. But the kinescope is dead, the image is like in a fog, although the colors incl. And convergence rays like normal. And I climbed to dispel the fog. The result is an image that looks like a Picasso, framed in all the colors of the rainbow, seen through the autumn mist. The old woman lamented that before the TV showed better, but now ... You can’t do much with one tester and it’s uncomfortable in front of a neighbor. I reassured my neighbor and on the second day I took the TV to the workshop, reproaching myself for undertaking this repair. How much this TV weighs is known to those who bought it. The repair cost me with the replacement of a kinescope, not a new one, of course, at 174 lei (something about $ 12). I brought it - the old woman was overjoyed. I put a receipt on the table for repairs with a guarantee for 3 months, so that in which case the claims are not against me. Of course, I refused the money, which put the neighbor in an awkward situation. Going outside in the yard, I saw a household refrigerator red from rust. I was looking for something similar to build an incubator. Having learned about my interests, the grandmother was very happy that she found an opportunity to settle accounts with me and save money (her pension is about 200 lei per month). This refrigerator brand "Yarna" stood in the open air for about 3 years. I brought it home and in a short time cleaned all its insides. Plugged it in and wow!!! - earned. And of course I restored it by painting it with pearlescent auto paint. Works perfect. And now I feel embarrassed in front of the old woman. On the other hand, I think that from now on I can start repairing radio and television equipment, because my repair paid off with interest. Although my hobby is the restoration of old tube radio equipment, antiques, etc. for myself.

 


 

Shirinyan Levon Robertovich, Moscow

It was in the years of commercials 94th of the last century. Repairs were carried out spontaneously. Once I go to a friend, and he, they say, "I'm sorry, now I have no time," the "brothers" asked to fix the video camera. If you want, let's go together" grandmother" from a neighbor's house and asked to fix their TV, but he ignores them, sick people, and goes to no one knows whom. I see that the comrade is "torn to pieces", I say, "let me go to these old people. What should be done there?" I found out that there is something with the personnel scan. The comrade showed me where he had the parts, if needed, I took a tester, a screwdriver, a soldering iron from him and went to a neighboring house. Yes, I note that the friend’s wife asked not to take money from them, it’s a pity for them all the same, the elderly. I go to them, I start to disassemble the TV, while the owners are having a "preparatory conversation" with me. Like, there probably some kind of "fuse" burned out or something simple. Such a conversation at the beginning of work is a clear sign that they don’t want to pay, well, or pay only for the “fuse” (at that time it cost either 2 or 6 kopecks.) They don’t know that I’m not going to take it at all no money from them. Telly 2USCT. I found a damaged KT805 in personnel. I soldered it out, I showed it to them, and they are all for their own - "such a small detail, and because of it the TV does not work ..." I ran downstairs to a friend for a new transistor, after a couple of minutes I inserted a new one, turned it on, adjusted the dimensions - the owners are satisfied ! With anguish on their face they ask - how much to pay? I say - "Come on, nothing is needed"! Question mark on faces!? :) - How is it, nothing? I say - the repair lasted about ten minutes, what should I take money for 10 minutes? They are at a loss, but I feel happy - "take the money even for a part - you changed it after all" !? I say - you yourself said that this is a small detail. It costs 20 kopecks, why should I take these 20 kopecks from you, and then you will say that your TV was repaired for 20 kopecks!? :) So it's better for free! They, unable to deal with such arguments, agreed to a free repair! :) The most interesting thing was later - they asked how to find me later, if anything, or if one of their friends needed repairs! :))) This actually amused me and I asked: "What did you like more, the quality of service or the price"? The answer was given - both!

 


 

Dubovoy Sergey Nikolaevich, Severodonetsk

In the 80s I worked as a receptionist in a television studio. Once a client came for his TV set, whose device stayed with us due to the complexity of the repair for about two months. It didn't take long to find the problem. In the end, the foreman took over the apparatus and ... with heroic efforts, he defeated the malfunction in two days. One of the spike capacitors leaked. After that, the client was summoned by an almost triumphant foreman. I took the device to the client, turned it on ... everything works. The foreman is spinning around - he won the same malfunction. The client looked at his device and said: “Why are you so bad, did they replace my case? I had a black one, and this is brown. I myself worked in this area and I know how it’s done.” , I understand when they say that the kinescope has been replaced or some other detail, but for the case ... this is too much "The client also did not stop demanding the authorities. Then the foreman came running and demanded that I take the device to the warehouse: “Let’s sue, let them conduct an examination. I issued ... away from sin.

 


 

Kutovoy Oleg Borisovich, Kiev

They bring the TV to the service center for warranty repairs. Accepted. When the autopsy happened, brrrrr was so drawn from the telly! Someone from the cat family did their best. We called the client, we explain - we will do the repair, but only on condition that he signs the product inspection report: "... ANIMAL URINE IS FOUND IN THE PRODUCT ..." Signed.

 


 

Kuzmin Evgeny Vladimirovich, Tomsk

An employee comes up to me and says: "Here is my son who sells a mobile phone. Is he not interested?" I ask: "Is he a worker?" She looks at me: "No, not a worker ..." "Then you don't need it," I answer. The woman bulged her eyes: "What difference does it make to you whether he is a worker or not?" I insinuatingly answer her: "Well, actually, there is a difference" "So, you can buy from a worker, but not from a student, or what? Why?!" :)

 


 

Yashkov Alexander Sergeevich, Zaporozhye

I come to my parents in the village. The mother says: "The neighbor complains that her TV set is broken. Would you repair it for her?" Okay, I'm going to my neighbor. I come, I turn on the telly (the old tube "Electron"). The kinescope barely glows. I ask a neighbor: "What do you not like?" She replies: "Yes, my TV set is completely broken, nothing is visible!" I shrug: "Unfortunately, medicine is powerless here!" She rolls her eyes: "And I thought - you are a telemaster, not a doctor! So if this is the case - can you help me for the liver?"

 


 

Kolesnikov Andrey Sergeevich, Tokmok

Somehow a granny comes to our workshop and explains: "Son, my TV is broken: there is sound, but there is no reason!"

 


 

Lugovoy Yuri Pavlovich, Kiev

Even in his student years, he repaired one character "Electron". The sound is gone. Well, I "found" sound for him, the TV works, everything is beautiful and calm! Then the owner went, washed his hands, entered the room joyfully, shook the water from his hands in the doorway and ... the TV went out ... Silent scene ... It was later, of course, that I found that the power supply (for an independent reason, of course - just a wild coincidence!) "knocked out". But at the first moment he was ready to strangle the owner!

 


 

Lugovoy Yuri Pavlovich, Kiev

Somehow our cops come to me (PPSniks, we sell radio stations to them). Three hefty such kids. They crumple like that at the threshold. They ask: "Do you repair radio stations here?" "We fix it," I say, "let's..." And then one of the cops in two palms gives me the remains of a portable radio station in three or four parts. The battery (crushed) - separately, the case (crushed) - separately, the speaker from the case (crushed) - separately, the chassis (propeller) separately. The view is pitiful. "What is this!?" I ask, and point to the trash can. "Yes," they say, "they didn't keep track ... They ran over with a jeep ... With a wheel ... Yes, don't worry! We turned it on - it works! Its green light is on!" "So you also turned it on! What if - what a short circuit!" Well, okay... I saw their jeeps... But! I aligned the board and the chassis, soldered a couple of buttons, found a CU case with a speaker, a CU battery - the station began to sing! Not a single detachment of parts from the board, not a single break in the tracks! And in the same place - a solid microcosm! The cops jumped up and down with joy! That's what it means - Motorola P040! I recommend to all!

 


 

Savchuk Alexey AndreevichSumy

A young couple comes to my workshop, they bring a radio and a cell phone: "Will you repair it?" "What about them?" I ask. "Yes," - they answer, - "We went to the sea with a tent, rested. And on the last evening they left the receiver on the street and it got caught in the rain." ?" "And he was lying in the sun, probably overheated. He stopped working" "We wanted to bring you a watch," the girl says, "But you probably don't repair watches?" "What about the clock?" I ask. "But I forgot to take it off and bought up." "No", - I say, - "I don't fix the watch" PS The phone started working quickly, I just had to change the batteries. And I fiddled with the receiver for a long time. That's how it happens, people have a rest.

 


 

Kucher Sergey Vladimirovich, Astrakhan

A phone call wakes me up late at night. I wake up, jump up, run to the phone, grab the receiver: "Hello!" The client calls, an old man whose TV I recently repaired: "Sergey, would you say," Seventeen Moments of Spring "is the film color or black and white?" Gritting my teeth, I answer: "Black and white" "Ahh! Then everything is in order ... And I thought the color was gone again!", - and hangs up. I tossed and turned for half the night and couldn't sleep.

 


 

Komov Vitaly Sergeevich, St. Petersburg

Ah, nostalgia. I remember that I once bought from a friend a very cheap miracle of computer technology of the last millennium - ZX Spectrum 48 Kb, in a homemade box. I connected it to an old lamp bw TV, they didn’t let me spoil the color one. From the tape recorder for days on end a whistle was heard with might and main, toys were loaded and BASIC was studied. In short, there was a lot of joy. But after an hour of warming up the lamps, the screen narrowed and slowly went out. The indignation knew no bounds! The lineman let me down and the old lamp, which, if slightly corrected, the image opened up and held on for at least a couple more hours. Then there was not much money to replace, well, I managed - somehow. And so, in the heat of enthusiasm, grabbing the first non-conductive thing that came to hand, once again climbed to correct the lamp, accidentally touched a piece of iron ... and flew off to the very window! Rubbing his shoulder, at that moment I learned well that a pencil is not just a piece of wood, and that it has a stylus inside! :) ...A little later, with the purchase of a small used monitor Electronics, the scanning problem disappeared by itself.

 


 

Kachanovsky Igor Vitalievich, Sevastopol

I came once to order to repair the TV. And on the door there is a note: "Do not call, the child is sleeping!" Well, I knocked softly. The mother of this child opens the door - a young and very beautiful woman. He tells me in a whisper: "Are you a master? Come in." Well, I go in and also ask in a whisper: "Where is the TV?" She answers me: "In the room" I go into the room, I see a 3rd generation TV 61 cm diagonally, turn it towards me with the back wall, remove the cover. And it was in August, the heat was decent on the street, and just before that I lifted the same box on myself to the 5th floor without an elevator and, frankly, I got a little worn out. In short, I'm sitting in front of the box, and sweat fills my eyes. Then the hostess enters the room. I ask her: can I rinse my face in your bathroom, otherwise it’s hot. She answers me: “And you, if you want, you can take a shower.” I looked at her and answered: “Can you imagine this picture: I take a shower and then your husband comes and asks: who is taking a shower with us?” -Yes this telemaster came to fix the TV "I did not have time to say this, as the door opens and my husband came. The situation is funny, we laughed together, and then I remembered this incident for a long time.

 


 

Maksimova Natalya Nikolaevna, Perm

The story of the wife of a telemaster with thirty years of experience.

For all thirty years I dutifully bear my cross and the wives and wives of the telemaster, but about this separately, you can write a story about this - there is no sadder story in the world :). My husband successfully and a lot repairs TVs, monitors - modern electronic equipment. Often he has to do this after several attempts by other comrades to repair a device. He refuses to repair VCRs - this is not his profile and in general he does what he wants to do - a free artist. He does it in his spare time - a hobby. One day he comes with a video recorder, explains: the man asked to see - he doesn’t want to trust anyone else, he loves his video recorder very much, but I liked the man - I’ll do it once. Defect - there is no video cassette transport, or rather, it does not enter the hole intended for it at all. An autopsy showed that the entire space through which the cassette was supposed to follow was filled with pencils and pens. My husband called me, showed me the defect, and the mother of two children remembered Marshak’s poems: “There weren’t mice in the house, but there were a lot of pencils, they were on the dad’s table, but they fell into the kitten’s paws” In our case, they got into the hands of the child, and he found them a wonderful new place in the VCR's cassette deck. It is very interesting for what period of time a child who is a little over a year old managed to think of this and place a dozen pencils in a small crack behind a beautiful door. The pencils were removed from the cassette player - this was the whole repair. I would also be able to repair it, and even take the money for work. The owner of the video was very pleased: he received a working device, a bunch of pencils and an entertaining story about his baby.

 


 

Denis, Odessa

It was about 3-4 years ago... One evening, my colleague and I were tormenting one of the servers in order to get the necessary functioning from it. The employee was sitting at his workplace, I stood nearby and made various "useful" advice like: "this is so", "this is here", "is there still beer?" etc. There were only us in the department and, of course, we smoked in full. Something in the system stubbornly did not want to tune in, and I decided to introduce an element of "unloading the brains of my own and my neighbor" ... I did it this way - the employee's system manager was standing on the table and I imperceptibly leaned over and, taking a good puff, blew smoke into the ventilation grill ... In At this moment, the boss bursts in and screaming: "Faster Denis, let's go, something happened there, something happened," - he simply "pulls" me out of the department. Already running out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my employee, somehow strangely bent, climbed between the monitor and the system unit and was doing something ... That evening I didn’t return to work ... The next day, 1.5 hours late, my employee, angry and not getting enough sleep, appears and begins to tell that as soon as yesterday I hurriedly retreated from the system unit, smoke and sparks poured out, how he opened up the entire computer, dismantled the power supply, changed the diode bridge in it, the stabilizer and a couple of conduits and went home at half past eleven night ... I told him about my prank, then we laughed together ... It turned out funny - such a combination of circumstances!

PS Smoking is dangerous even for BP!

 


 

Nabokov Mikhail Valerievich, Slavyansk-on-Kuban

Somehow my colleague, a master burglar (works on calls) repaired an imported TV. The defect was standard - when turned on with the network button or the channel button, the TV went out of standby mode, and then back. When opening the back cover, the TV worked as if nothing had happened! Empirically, it also turned out that its performance depends on the position in the room. At the end of the repair, which consisted of dragging the TV along with the bedside table to the opposite wall, the worried owner remembered a neighbor who had recently returned from prison. It was against his wall that there was a faulty TV. After some time, the joyful owner of the TV called the master himself and told about the find - an old, forgotten remote control with the POWER button pressed was lying on the cabinet!

 


 

Makarenko Alexander Nikolaevich, Yalta

My friend, a telemechanic from a local television studio, was called to the house to repair the TV. What was his surprise when, at the entrance to the apartment, he was met by a young blonde in a dressing gown hastily thrown over her shoulders, from under which part of her magnificent breasts was visible. When the TV was turned on, it turned out that it was in good order, and according to the owner, the defect manifests itself after a couple of minutes of operation. At the same time, she asked to wait until the defect appeared and drink coffee, to which the master agreed. When coffee was served, the skirts of the dressing gown flung open, and the master discovered the beautiful young naked body of a blonde, who invited him to take a bath, which was sharply refused by the master. Feeling that the master did not agree to enter into sexual contact with her, she took off her robe, showing him her tan. Crazy from what he saw, the master jumped off his chair and ran out into the street. To the question of colleagues about why he refused to serve the client, he replied: "There were a lot of requests that day, and I would not have had time to fulfill them all!" This is how it happens! :)

 


 

Vasnetsov Dmitry Petrovich, Lugansk

Somehow a respectable lady comes to our workshop and says: "How much will the video camera be repaired?" I say: "Well, depending on what kind of malfunction, what kind of camera." And she: "And how much does a regular, high-quality and fast repair cost?" I'm a little shocked: "What do you mean? We do everything qualitatively." "But you offer a type of repair to choose from! You have it written!" In short, we had an advertisement on the door: "Repair is fast and of high quality." So some joker added with a pencil: "At the choice of the customer."

 


 

Polyansky Valery Vasilievich, Lviv

They call me recently: "Do you repair TVs?" I say: "What are yours?" They proudly answer me, listing: "I have: Hi, Black, Trinitron." :)

 


 

Romanchenko Petr Ignatievich, Kiev

Somehow they bring me a modem for repair. I looked at it - a dead modemchik, with no signs of life at least any. Well, I did it, although a lot had to be changed there. I give it to the owner, I ask: "What happened to him?" And he says to me: "Yes, I wanted to disperse it to a higher speed, otherwise it barely crawls with me." "How did you disperse him?" "Well, I thought that this filter (he meant the modem's power supply) is not needed. And I applied power (220 V) directly." I ask: "Who advised you this?" He says: "I came up with it myself. But first I turned to our chief engineer for advice. So he approved me. He says that in the West these filters are specially used as limiters, because their lines are too fast." These are our inventors and advisers.

 


 

Levchenko Sergey Pavlovich, Minsk

I worked in Soviet times at a closed enterprise. They worked for the defense. Everything is in strict secrecy, in the norms of high ideology, under the vigilant eye of our political instructor. I already then began to repair all sorts of TV-recorders and succeeded in this. Fortunately, the field for practice was rich. And somehow our political instructor with a receiver comes up to me and says: "Listen, look at him. Something doesn't pick up all the stations." "Which ones," I say, "that's not all?" "Well, you know... Well, I need a BBS." I was dumbfounded: "Why is this?" "Here, I want to be aware of the latest developments." I say: "Ah! .. Do you need to promptly debunk their black lies and slander?" He looks at me with gratitude: "Well, of course!" :) This is either a story or a political anecdote.

 


 

Borshchevsky Boris, Vinnitsa

Somehow one grandfather brought a portable "Shilyalis" to me in the workshop. "Look," he says, "this and that." He asked when he could come. I said two days later. "Thank you," he replies. "And to pick up," he says, "there will be another boy, just like me, an old one."

 


 

Andronnikov Dmitry Nikolaevich, Kharkov

Somehow my boss comes up to me and says: "Can you fix the eye?" I'm completely stunned, feverishly thinking what he wants from me. In my imagination I imagine some kind of artificial eye, a computer prosthesis, a miracle of modern science. I think: "Why did he suddenly decide to ask me? I'm not an ophthalmologist." And he adds: "Golden eye." I'm trying to figure out what the gold is in this device for. And how much is in it. :) And then it dawns on me: yes, he means the LG TV, with the "Golden Eye" function. And so it turned out. And I climbed into the jungle ...

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

How to repair old equipment from the bosses. Bosses always have very old junk that they feel sorry for throwing away, and they want to fix it for free. Take for example a black-and-white portable car TV from around the 1970s-1980s. For you, it’s vacuuming and changing all rusty wires in the power supply + scraping off cockroaches for about two days, plus soldering everything for about two days, plus replacing about 20 electrolytes with imported ones - a total of a week of work and a lot of nerves. Do them all and you will see what happens. The boss will not want to pay anything, and you will get a new enemy (he will be uncomfortable in front of you).

Do this always and to all the chiefs, and you will get many enemies. :)

 


 

Blue Alexander Alexandrovich, Dnepropetrovsk

They sent a young boy, a new telemaster, to our House of Life. He was praised so much: both literate and inventive, etc. In fact, he turned out to be a fool and a loafer. He doesn't want to do anything, he can't do anything. What you don’t ask him to do, he will do the opposite or blunder. And then one day I told him in my heart: "Listen, Igor, why are you so stupid?! At your age, Karl Marx graduated from three institutes!" And he, completely amazed, asks: "Where did he work? For Kirov? I heard something about him!"

 


 

Semenov Arkady Mikhailovich, Donetsk

Cinderella.

It was once at the Donetsk radio market, then at the Shakhtar stadium. I was walking between narrow rows, when suddenly I heard a car coming behind me. And there is nowhere for her to give way. I somehow clung to one of the tables, letting the car pass. And as soon as he moved away from the table, all the wealth that lay on him poked his head and fell to the ground with a roar. The owner scream! Straight out of my mind in hysterics. I say: "Is it really my fault? Brother, I missed the car!" And that one goes right in. Well, there's nothing to do. I began to lift his goods, put them in their place. And he was all mixed up: diodes, resistors, transistors, every trifle. I sorted it like Cinderella for a long time, I was already sweating. Then I say: "Okay, brother. You and I are equally to blame. I - that I overturned the table, and you - that you did not catch it. I did my half. So be it!". And quickly, quickly, he went home. :)

 


 

Kolesnichenko Mikhail Andreevich, Kiev

I often visit the radio market, and my colleagues know about it, they ask me to buy this or that radio component or spare part for them, find out the prices, etc. Somehow, before the weekend, our driver Arthur comes up to me and says: "Are you going to the market? Buy me a belt for the radio tape recorder." I say: "What size?" "What size do you want? They're all standard! They stretch!"

 


 

Kovrov Dmitry Mikhailovich, Samara

My friend bought a computer - his old dream. It took her a long time to collect money and finally bought it. And soon he calls me for repairs. Something went wrong with the power supply. I come, I look: there is a handsome computer, the keyboard is black, the mouse is black, the monitor is black, the system unit is black, and the CD-ROM is white. I repaired the power supply unit for him, of course, there was nonsense. I didn't want to ask, but I couldn't resist. Listen, I say, why do you have a computer all so stylish, black, and CD-ROM, like an eyesore - white. And he says: I was told at the firm: "You will use the CD-ROM very often. Therefore, it will turn black over time." :)

 


 

Zaitsev Igor Vladimirovich, St. Petersburg

They once brought me a TV for repair, a tube "Ruby". I take off the back cover, looking - and the TV is full of feathers: small ones, yellow ones and green ones. Nothing but parrots. The first thought was this - you see, the master's parrot climbed into the TV, and there his death found him. When the TV was taken away, I told about the find. And the owners were a little dumbfounded, and then they told me this story. It turns out that they received this TV set from their neighbors as a gift. Those went abroad and sold and distributed all the goods. And soon, to everyone's surprise, a parrot came from somewhere in their apartment. So he began to live with them and was loved by all. But only now it became clear where the bird sometimes disappeared without a trace. It turns out that she lived in the TV, as in a nest, penetrating into it through a broken corner of the back cover. And miraculously did not get energized, basking in the TV lamps. And she died in the hands of the mistress at a very respectable age.

 


 

Aivar Laaber, Rishon Lezion, Israel

About 10 years ago, I then lived in Ukraine, doing repairs in the villages. Once a representative from the village came to our office with a list of clients. In the morning I rode my bike and jogged for 15 kilometers until I got there. Made a couple of repairs and drive up to the next hut. I call the owner, the grandmother comes out. Did you call the master? "Yes," she replies, "but I won't let you in, just now some of them came to a neighbor, tied her up and removed the meter." "Why do I need your counter, the TV doesn't work, and in the evening Maria." I look, the grandmother wants to, and pricks. He persuaded her for about 10 minutes, whether for nothing he had traveled so far, then he spat and went to the next one.

 


 

Voroshin Ilya Ilyich, Zaporozhye

How sometimes you have to adjust the color.

Often after the repair (and the TV is not called for repair immediately, everyone is waiting either for everything to recover by itself, or for punches on the body to help, or for the neighbor plumber to fix it), the owner does not like the image. "Before," he says, "he showed much better." And the color was juicier, and the brightness was greater. I used to try to adjust the color module to the wishes of the customer. A hundred sweats came down - and that is not so, and this is not so. Now the faces are green, then the sky is red, then the letters are dim ... Nightmare! Then I began to cheat: I imitate the setting, standing at the TV, and periodically shouting: "Well, what? Better like this? Is that so?" :) In the end I get the answer: "In! That's it!" Such a psychological technique, and the protection of the nerves of the master too.

 


 

Rybalko Oleg Nikolaevich, Rostov

My neighbor bought a Toshiba TV with teletext (by the way, with improved acoustics, but he listens to it at 10 percent volume). "Why did you overpay for acoustics 50 bucks?" - I ask. And he says: "Well, they buy a TV for life!" And teletext is also interesting: as soon as he figured it out, he was beside himself with happiness: here, they say, all the news, the weather, the horoscope, the latest jokes. And then he became discouraged: what is it - a few days have passed, but the information has remained the same, even when it was updated. He says: "Maybe you need to pay for the update?" "No," I say, "it's free." He looked at me in disbelief. Then he comes running to me, happy. And he says: "I found how to update teletext! You need to turn off the TV in the evening not with a button, but set a timer !!!"

 


 

Vipenko Evgeny, Moscow

I sell remotes. Here, one peasant comes up to me, says: "If it happens to you that the client cannot find the remote control, call me, I can repair the old one for him." I say: "But how can I contact you?" He replies: "Yes, call your mobile phone. You don't need to say anything. I'll see what your number is and I'll run right away." :) "And how much will you pay for a client?" "25 rubles!" "And if you bring ten people?" The peasant thinks intently, and then gives out: "No, well, I won’t pay that kind of money, of course. But I’ll give you ten rubles!" :)

 


 

Zuev Ivan Nikolaevich, Chelyabinsk

I'm in for repairs. The owner asks: "Will you drink?" I say: "I don't drink at work!" - "And good cognac?" - "No, thank you!" - "What about homemade wine?" "No, no, I told you - I don't drink at work." "Well, at least a bottle of beer, cold, with fish." I look at him so expressively and, pronouncing every word, I answer: "No, thanks, I don't drink!" The owner, to my surprise, blossoms: "Well, well done, man! I respect strong people! Let's go, I'll show you what's wrong with the TV!"

 


 

Uriadmkopeli Rostom Dzhumberovich, Rustavi

Our city Rustavi is young, it is only 55 years old. Under the Union, it was one of the centers of metallurgy, there are several other different plants. During Soviet times, 115 nationalities lived in Georgia, and there was enough humor for everyone. I'll tell you a couple of stories. This is not to laugh at other nationalities, we get along well and are friends, it's just that there are such funny stories in life. I myself am Georgian, I worked in the central television studio.

Once a client comes to me - an Azerbaijani - and seriously asks: "Ah! (they have this generally accepted address) Are you a television master?" I answer: "Yes." "Uh! Listen! The sewer doesn't work on my TV!" You should have seen my face! It turned out that the TV channel switch did not work on the TV.

And here's another. Once I repaired an imported TV with a very complex defect. Stuck on the TV, all thoughts were busy with work. The doors are open, an Azerbaijani peeps in: "Ah, master! Can you make a television?" I politely answer: "Yes, do you want to help bring it in?" "Nah, I'll bring it myself." He turned back to the TV. After 10 minutes, this Azerbaijani is standing at the door, clasping the domestic C-208, to which I am allergic. "Uh, master, what to do, what to do?" - hardly speaks under weight. I answer: "Throw it there" (in the sense of putting it). And he let go of his hands, the TV crashed. I ask in surprise: "What have you done, listen!" And he replies: “You said:“ Quit it!

And one more case. Two Azerbaijanis came in suits, ties, hats, like intellectuals. One says about the other: "Master! The kinescope's Evo TV is on fire a little!" (in the sense of glowing). I politely, seriously ask, holding back my laughter: "And how many percent is on fire?" And he thought deeply and answered, trying to give the impression of an educated, intelligent person: “In that mammoth, I didn’t beat a calculator to save interest!”

I am often busy with work, and at this time clients come (of different nationalities, including Georgians) and ask: "My TV has a defect such and such. What can be damaged?" To politely get off, I answer my magic word: "Maybe C7" (c-seven). No more questions are asked, the TV is brought in for repair. Only one client asked where this "C7" is located. I politely answer: "Near C8". He says: "Aa! I see!" And without further ado brought the TV for repair.

One day I leave the atelier for a smoke break between work. An old bus "Pazik" arrives, decorated with red ribbons, balloons, filled with people. It turns out that the Azerbaijanis are going to the wedding, on the way they stopped at the atelier. A driver comes out with an old broken-down VCR VM-12, puts it in my hands and says: "Hey, master! Make a tape recorder, don't be afraid of money!" (I mean, I'll pay well). I got on the bus and went. I did not have time to answer anything, with a smile I saw the departing bus.

 


 

Buchnev Dmitry Vasilievich, Zaporozhye

I worked at one factory, even before I chose the repair of equipment as my main profession. Well, I already worked there. Pyotr Ivanovich worked in our neighboring workshop - such an eccentric man. And somehow he brought me to his house to repair the TV set. I come, I look - a huge tube TV, from the first Electrons. And on the sides, to the covers, such healthy door handles are screwed. I say: "Petya, what is this?" And he proudly replies: "And so that it was convenient to carry!"

 


 

Rusty, Ekaterinburg

I used to work in the repair of equipment. One of my rooms eventually turned into you know what. All sorts of stuff everywhere - oscilloscopes, a spectrum analyzer, even a stolen wavemeter, all sorts of different blocks, boards, tools, parts in boxes and in bulk ... Once, at night, I'm repairing TV, some kind of UPIM, as I remember now ... It costs I have it on a standard iron stand, the back cover is removed, the inside is turned upside down, I am tinkering with the line scan generator. The power, of course, is on, I’m a pro and something like that ... Well, without a second thought, I grab the multiplier with my hand ... It jogged so that I pushed the box, which collapsed (but didn’t break, you bastard), and I myself turned my back flew 2 meters and landed on my ass, while I caught one of the many boxes with my driftwood, from which a dozen microcircuits spilled out, so they all ended up under me! He lay down for a minute, got up, shaking everything, and something else behind him ... Hand in hand! And it was stuck there ... It was not funny!

 


 

Uriadmkopeli Rostom Dzhumberovich, Rustavi (Georgia)

One day, a client brought a branded TV by taxi and asked for an urgent repair out of turn. He said that until he let the taxi driver go, maybe you can quickly fix the TV and take it back. I made a diagnosis - an exploded PSU electrolytic capacitor, the electrolyte spilled over the entire board. I tell the client to wash the entire board with alcohol, dry it, and then put in a new capacitor. It took about 20 minutes to wash the board, then I directed a lamp at the board to dry it faster. The client sits nearby and waits. It turned out that the taxi driver was also in a hurry. He enters the workshop and sees that we are sitting silently and looking at the dismantled TV. The taxi driver looked at us for several minutes, and then quietly asks the client who repairs the TV? The client points to me, I continue to sit silently, staring at the board, waiting for it to dry. The bewildered taxi driver again quietly asks the client what I'm doing. And the client replies: "It will be ready soon, the TV has already been washed, we are waiting for it to dry." A confused taxi driver looks around in search of a sign and asks me: "Are you repairing TVs or washing here?!" The silence that had been before was broken by an explosion of laughter - mine and the client's.

 


 

Avramenko Grigory Nikolaevich, Odessa

One pensioner asks me: "How much does it cost to put a remote control on my Horizon?" I say: "The blocks themselves with a remote control cost 80-100 hryvnias, and the work costs 30 hryvnias." He shook his head: "30 hryvnia! .. Why is it so expensive?" “Yes, such a price, grandfather,” I answer. And he answered: “I once put an 8-channel remote control to my godfather, but there were only 20 channels. It was a long time ago, I don’t even remember what’s what - I forgot everything ... " :)

 


 

Vilisov Vladimir Vladimirovich, Ukhta

Regarding the aforementioned "golden eye", about how the client can sometimes be taken aback. I was also once asked to repair the Challenger. And it turned out to be an ordinary CD changer. :)

 


 

Spivakov Maxim Petrovich, Almaty

A neighbor comes in: "I brought you a remote control, can you repair it?" He looks with a pleading look ... "Come on, I say, I'll take a look. No problem." She reaches into the pocket of her apron, takes out a handkerchief, unfolds it, and finally takes out a handful of iron and plastic. Accompanied by my puzzled look, this rubbish spills onto my table. "What is this?" - I ask. "This is our TV remote." "What happened to him?" "Fell" - replies. "Where did he fall from? From the thirteenth floor???" As it turned out, the remote really fell. Grandmother and grandfather quarreled and, grabbing the remote control, threw it at the offender. He, having flown through one passage room, flew into another, and the opposite wall stopped his cosmic speed. There was nothing left of the console. Or rather, it remained, but it did not work. :) I bought her a new remote control and advised her to live peacefully.

 


 

Gapon Alexander Pavlovich, Zaporozhye

A middle-aged lady of good appearance brings a small TV: "It does not turn on. I gave it to the boy, he poked around, poked around and did nothing." Master: "Why did they give the boy, were there really no real men?!"

 


 

Yurchenko Anatoly Vladimirovich, Skadovsk

About 15 years ago I worked at a semiconductor plant as an adjuster in the shop. And, of course, he worked on repairs. The plant was in regime, it was connected with the defense industry, so it’s great not to overclock with repairs. Whoever did not take it. And then somehow one employee clung: "Look and look at the tape recorder. Something is not working." Been fighting her off for about a week. Then he gave up. "Carry it." - I say. I don’t know how she carried this tape recorder through the checkpoint, but she brings it so proudly and says: “Here.” I looked at him, I said: "A good tape recorder, 2-cassette, take it." She was so straight forward. "How, and repair?!" "So there was no talk about the repair, - I answer, - we agreed to look. Looked. I liked it. Take it." The kids crawled under the tables together. For some reason, the lady does not say hello to this day. This is how to look at the devices.

 


 

FERUM, Dnepropetrovsk

There is one reason

Once I came to the village to repair equipment. One, the other, as they say - went hand in hand. In the middle of the street a man comes up, well, middle-aged, and asks: - Can you fix the Vidushka? - What's with her? - Yes, you understand, I came home drunk, nibbled with a zhinka, and with a fist with all the dope on the lid! .. I fussed with this tape recorder decently. Somewhere in a month I come back to this village, I give back, satisfied, the video (and how did I return it from the other world), and this peasant asks: - Can you fix the TV? - And what happened to him? - I ask. - Yes, you know, he came home drunk, bit with a wife, took the TV and with all the dope on the ground ...

 


 

Lishtovny Denis Yurievich, Ekaterinburg

My relative called recently: "Here, my Horizon is bent! Maybe you can fix it?" “And what kind of Horizon?” I ask. “I don’t know, I bought it ten or fifteen years ago. Digital..." I'm at a loss: "Fifteen years ago - digital??? You don't confuse anything? Maybe you don’t have a Horizon, but some kind of Sony?” He stubbornly says: “No, Horizon. I took it in our Kultovary. Together with an iron. "I already thought that my relative, fortunately, got some kind of experimental secret TV, as finally, he resolved my doubts:" Yes, I tell you, digital! He has a number flashing on the screen!!!"

 


 

Dmitry Buchnev, Kharkov

A neighbor brought me a receiver for repair. Repair, such, they say, a good receiver. Something stopped playing altogether. Well, I took it, you won’t refuse your neighbor ... But there was no time to look right away. Here it is, finally assembled. I open it, I look: but most of the details are missing, soldered and, in addition, the speaker is bitten. Well, I think the neighbor's son, you see, decided to do electronics and picked up the details from his father's receiver. Here, a neighbor comes: "Well, he says, did he do it?" “Yes, how can I do it,” I answer, “do it? Well, look, half of the details are missing right there.” "Oh, how is it? But he worked! And he worked very hard!" :)

 


 

Maksim Maksimenko, Dnepropetrovsk

Announcement at the market: (you see, they joked about the radio operator). :)

"Dear sellers and buyers! The fire inspectorate reminds you of the need for strict compliance with fire safety measures. Use only serviceable electrical appliances, use calibrated fuse links with current and voltage reserves." :0)

 


 

Kostya Taranenko, Moscow

Came in for repairs. TV 61 cm, domestic. The kinescope is completely dead. The owners say: "Can the kinescope be changed?" "You can," I say. We agreed on a price and a date. And the owner says: “Don’t slip me some bullshit. "What??" - "So that the inscription on it was: 61LK5Ts. Pal-sekam." :) I barely explained to him what was happening. Like understood. But when he paid, he nevertheless muttered to himself: "They still slipped bullshit." :)

 


 

Ilyushenok Yury Gennadievich, Kiev

I used to sell TVs. Here comes a client. That and that, that is, for what. We agreed when he would come home. "But," he says, "I'll take a friend. He's a specialist. He'll tell you what you need, he'll give you advice." Well, they're coming. They turned it on, looked, listened ... "So, - says that specialist, - and let's open the back cover." "Why?" "Let's see if everything is in place." Well, I opened it. He looks at the blocks and mutters to himself: "This is ... (color), ... this is ... (food), ... this is ..." (kinescope board)". He gave the go-ahead. And the buyer was satisfied.

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

How I fixed my TV for free.

It was in Murmansk, back in the Brezhnev era. I had nothing to do and nothing to eat. And I was there on a business trip, but I took 2 repair suitcases with me. I came out with an announcement that I was repairing everything, on the panel, i.e. became available at the store "Ocean", who was in Murmansk, knows where it is. An hour later I picked up 3 clients. One of them, a tall guy, bargained terribly, not yet repaired, for every penny and demanded that I come to him both urgently and immediately. Well, I really didn't like him. But there is nothing to do, I came to him on the same day. For repairs, I was presented with an old tube TV, which surprisingly worked like a clock. When a signal was applied to the input from the Laspi TV generator, slightly sunken paints (tube) were found. There was nothing to do on this TV. Then he suggested that I look at and repair a new 3rd generation TV at that time (then it was a terrible rarity). The defect was in a barely noticeable horizontal scanning whistle. After two hours of heroic searches (checking electrolytes without soldering, checking their leakage without soldering, soldering all suspicious places), the defect disappeared. At this time, this guy's mother-in-law burst into the apartment and shouting, "Oh, you're an alcoholic, you brought your alcoholic - to break my TV," began to lament for a long, long time that "Everyone will break it, they will peel it off like sticky" and lamented until I was not overheated and did not force me to say that "I will not take anything." After that, she fell silent and did not say another word. Completely pissed off, after 3 hours of work, I began to get ready to go home. At the door, I asked the guy: "And pay?", To which he heroically replied, "You promised us for free." To such impudence, I then could not answer anything, or did not want to. But when I came to the Sever Hotel, I was very angry for a long time. Then it dawned on me that I was just blatantly deceived.

 


 

Oleg, N.Novgorod

I worked at the guarantee office. An application arrives: Samsung TV, the defect is a green bar on the screen. I arrived. Meets a lady of about 40 (not a blonde!). I turn on the TV - everything is fine. "And where is the band!?" - I ask. "But - look ..." - says the lady and presses the button to add sound. A volume control bar appears on the screen...

A few more (!) times it happened: The client calls: - "After your, blah, repair, black fields appeared on the edges of the screen!" I come, I look - and indeed - there are fields. "Has this never happened before?" - I ask. "It wasn't! Everything came out after your fucking repair!!!". The black fields meant the gaps between the kinescope mask and the TV case ...

PS: The client, you see, either the kinescope has shrunken, or the brains ... :)

 


 

Kashkarev Viktor Georgievich, Berdyansk

Somehow they bring me a copier for repairs - just brought from behind a hillock, and they say that you say, look, we dropped it a couple of times along the way. I explain in response - you guys are probably aware that there are such things as a selenium shaft, a corotron, etc. who, to put it mildly, are afraid of blows. To which I hear in response - "You, they say, repair it, and this one, like him, corotron, I will buy for 50 kopecks per meter at the market" !!!!!... Show me where !!!!!!!!

 


 

Molokanov Alexander, Krivoy Rog

It was in the early 90s. I worked in a TV studio as a mechanic. Our boss was one person, let's say, not very well versed in technology. :) Most of all he knew how to lead and manage. :) Imported equipment began to get to us for repairs more and more often. And somehow Sonya was brought in for repairs. I took it apart, poked around and got up from the table. And then the boss comes into the room, with another check. He walks back and forth and comes to my table. He looks at Sonya's stuffing: and in it is a monochassis, control and a kinescope board. That is, offal is 3 times less than our 3USCT and 5 times less than UPIMok. He looks, looks, his face changes and how he screams: "Damn, they just brought the telly for repair, and already half of the blocks were stolen!" :)

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

Second Murmansk history. It was in Murmansk, back in the Brezhnev era. I had nothing to do and nothing to eat. And I was there on a business trip, but I took 2 repair suitcases with me. I came out with an announcement that I was repairing everything - on the panel, i.e. became available at the store "Ocean", who was in Murmansk knows where it is. An hour later I picked up 3 clients. One of them was a tall guy - you already know everything about him (see the story for September 2002), the second was a young blond girl. She lived in the Ice Lake area. I arrived at two o'clock in the afternoon. The TV was thyristor, you know, there were such nasty ones, in which the protection works all the time, well, like UPIMTST. On the part of the parts, the TV seemed to be normal, all the parts were fresh, not like they were burned, but on the part of the rations ... It was something! All rations, absolutely all were touched: soldered only with tin, without rosin and overheated. I asked the girl: "What is it?". She said she didn't know. I spent the rest of the day soldering the TV - it's the kind of thing where you solder a lot and then you cough a lot. There was no success that day - I did not finish soldering. On the second day, the girl was already with a guy who looked rather stern. Sitting next to each other, they began to discuss my mental abilities, and whether I would ever make a TV set. On that day, I never finished this TV: everything worked, but there was no image - the screen was dark. I came to the conclusion that the KT339A transistor failed in the video path, but I didn’t have it with me, but they didn’t believe me and looked at me strangely. When I arrived for the third time, a month later (my conscience stuck with me) and soldered this KT339A, for some reason the TV worked, and the girl, crying with joy, confessed to a terrible secret. She brought from another room a thick notebook, almost all covered with writing. It turns out that her father is a seafarer in his spare time for many years: he soldered one part from the TV and watched what happened to the TV, and wrote it down in a notebook. And so the next detail and so many years. The notebook was thick. I asked her: "Why did he do it?" She said that her father used to say all the time: "What if the TV breaks!" Well, it was a young girl, unmarried, and I forgave her. But about married women in Murmansk is another story.

 


 

Paidem Andrey Valentinovich, Dnepropetrovsk

They called me somehow to repair some kind of TV (something new, not the model's business). To the question "what's with the box?" it was said that oil flows from it (???). When I arrived, I saw a puddle of some type of water (I didn’t taste it), well, it’s 50-100 grams. There was simply nowhere for her to take it - they drink tea strictly in the kitchen, they didn’t buy flowers, there were no playful granddaughters ... He reassured the population and left. After 2 months, the story repeated itself, but there were already two buckets of water. A whole flood. The reason for this was the cable from the antenna, hollow, foil, something like RG-6U. He was lying on the roof in a puddle, and the good uncle of the antenna man shook him with something when he was laying. It turned out to be such a siphon, delivering water directly to the consumer. History is not fishing or hunting. Everything was so.

 


 

Eugene Henson, Santa Clara

It was in Leningrad, in 1988 - or thereabouts. Then it was very popular for everyone to install PAL, and I had a lot of clients, and the process was well-established. The scarf was fastened sideways next to the Soviet color block, all with a connector ... but the connector stood in such a way that it pulled out towards the kinescope. As a truly lazy and skilled electronics engineer, I did most of the operations without turning off the TV - why waste time? And that time a doctor friend brought me his TV, and a tight connector caught in it - and when I finally pulled it out, I hit the kinescope board with my hand. Yep, focus. I received the biggest shock not from 6kV, but from the fact that these same kilovolts, having passed through me and through the connector ... killed the microcircuit in the color block - I had to redo everything. When I told my friend that I was almost killed, he replied: "Don't worry, I would have saved you. I'm a resuscitator..." :)

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

Third Murmansk history.

It was in Murmansk, in the time of Gorbachev (this is when cooperatives appeared). There was nothing to do and I went to look for clients at the market in the center of Murmansk (there was one, almost next to the KGB building). I found clients for repairs quickly, in almost half an hour. The first was a charming girl, and I was young and beautiful at that time (may my wife not read about it - she does not turn on the Internet). And here I come. I actually came to repair the TV. I was met by a charming creature, dressed in everything transparent, below the waist I was afraid to look. And this creature immediately offered me something to drink, which I refused. I then understood what was the matter. It turns out that they have this in Murmansk: the husband is a sailor, he goes to sea, and the wife immediately goes to a tavern, not everything is like that, but it happens. The TV was thyristor, very worn and old. On the first day I soldered a few boards and replaced a lot of dried electrolytes. On the second day, I soldered a few boards and replaced a lot of dried electrolytes. On the third day, the TV started working like a Japanese one. You probably know that our 61LK4Ts handset is very reliable and shows like a Japanese one, well, almost like. The girl was very pleased, she realized that I could be used as a telemaster and recommended me to all her friends (there were about 20 of them). Well, in general, if not a lover, then at least a telemaster. She even sold her spare 61LK4Ts kinescope. And she lived on Theater Avenue, who was in Murmansk, knows where it is.

 


 

Kotov Alexey Vasilievich, Nizhny Novgorod

Just came back from refurbishment. I was fixing a tube TV for an old woman. I don’t deal with them in principle, but I really asked ... Well, I made her a telly, she pays in the corridor, I got ready, dressed. And then her grandfather comes from the pub or from the guests, I don’t know, but he looks accordingly. Grandma hands me the money and says: "Thank you for everything." And how my grandfather will fall asleep behind me! I went out the door, he followed me: fuck! And to the grandmother "What were you doing here without me?!". And she answered: "Go to sleep, old boots!" :) I came out of the entrance, I think: "No matter how the family breaks up because of me!". :)

 


 

Pletnev Vyacheslav Yurievich, Dnepropetrovsk

Came on a call. The owners of the house had just had cable, there were a couple of dozen programs, and they no longer wanted to adjust the sensor back and forth. Yes, and the neighbors saw a remote control, so we ourselves wanted to. Agreed on functions, price, bought blocks and came to deliver. And I must say that some programs were broadcast on cable in PAL. I say to the owner: let's, they say, put a decoder. And he says: "No, I don't watch these programs at all!" "Why?" - I ask. And he declares: "Yes, according to this PAL, only porn is shown and murders!" :)

 


 

Chernyavsky Ruslan Vladimirovich, Krivoy Rog

I studied in 86-90, at a technical school in Dneprodzerzhinsk, where they trained radio telemechanics. In the 3rd year, we already kalymyli. Once repaired with a friend at one grandmother. She asks, they say, what is there, granddaughters? And my friend, a big wit, says: "Here, grandmother, the multi-impulse fiber block has flown!" And she with a sigh: "I knew it!"

 


 

Koshkin Vladimir Mikhailovich, Zaporozhye

I recently saw an advertisement in the newspaper: "I am looking for a free TV technician to repair radio-electronic equipment. Phone such and such. Ask Tatiana." Eh, where are my seventeen years? :)

 


 

Krushinin Valery Dmitrievich, St. Petersburg

I bought a TV a couple of months ago, a brand new Sonya. But I did not have time to fully enjoy it, because my beloved dog Flip ate the remote control on the second day. I went to the market and bought a new one. In good faith, he hid it from the dog. But once all the same, the same fate befell him. I had to go back to the market. The seller recognized me and sympathetically asks: "A dog?". "Yes," I answer. “I don’t like dogs,” says the salesman, “I like cats more. I didn’t believe him. He probably doesn’t like dogs. You don’t earn much on cats.

 


 

Maksimov Alexander Pavlovich, Perm

First Abkhaz history.

I lived in Abkhazia by chance for four years. There is such a wonderful country, like a fairy tale. This is where everything grows, blooms, where the sea and the sun. I did not repair TVs then, I considered this business below my own dignity. But it happened, they called. A guy worked in the hotel, he was smart, his name was Zurik, he was a Georgian, not an Abkhaz, then it didn’t matter who was who. The defect was simple, something with the channel switch, something did not catch. I didn’t understand anything on TV then and I didn’t have any experience, but I went. I even took an oscilloscope from work, I knew how to turn it on - I work with it every day. The oscilloscope made an impression on them, and what an impression! Miraculously, I eliminated the defect by poking a soldering iron on the channel switch board, apparently soldering what was needed. Zurik gave me 65 rubles for my work - half of my salary (without a bonus). I was shocked. I thought, can I repair TVs? I haven't stopped since.

 


 

Furmanov Nikolay Ivanovich, Kiev

I have a friend Kostya. The guy is nice, but a little eccentric. You don’t know what to expect from him, what other trick he will throw out. We go somehow with him to the radio market. And there, in front of the entrance, the guys are standing, buying up parts containing precious metals. They ask everyone: "Is there yellow?" So they asked us when we passed them: "Is there any yellow?" But Kostya heard and did not understand something there. He turned around with a shocked face and a dropped jaw: "Who is yellow?? Am I yellow? Why is yellow? Kolya, am I yellow?" The guy immediately waved his hand and ran away. And I had to convince him that everything was in order, he was not yellow at all.

 


 

Mikhail Lidman, Tel Aviv

I recently received an application from my old customer. Come, say, look - the TV does not work. Well, go. I open the lid (some Chinese, 29") Ba!!! A crack in half through the entire board! What happened, I ask? both doors and pulled the thickest textbook from the topmost shelf... In short, the bedside table fell on the open doors, covered the boy without even scratching him, and the TV set completed this whole acrobatic etude, putting an end to its muzzle on the floor. After restoring all the breaks, I made a TV. The most surprising thing was that after such a flight and such a blow, nothing happened to the Chinese kinescope: no spots, no streaks.

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Interesting materials of the Free Technical Library:

▪ site section Indicators, sensors, detectors. Article selection

▪ article History and archeology. Crosswordist's Handbook

▪ article What is the most common disease that British doctors have to deal with? Detailed answer

▪ Gambir article. Legends, cultivation, methods of application

▪ article Small-sized dynamic unit OMEGA. Encyclopedia of radio electronics and electrical engineering

▪ article Box for the disappearance of things. Focus secret


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